The Detention Diaries
by abcdelith
Summary: A sitcom-type fic, if that makes sense. Detention can really bring out the, err, best in people. [THE END: Epilogue up!]
1. Default Chapter

**The Detention Diaries** UPDATE (December 05, 2003): Having left this fic unattended to for such a long time, I'm now keen to continue it, just that I'm not sure what you (the reader) think of it and how it may be improved, new story angles, etc. I had a lot of fun writing this fic, and I hope to have more :) But most of all, I'd like you to have fun reading it, and if anyone would like for this fic to be continued, you could drop me a review or an email at playingtruant@hotmail.com! The next chapter should be due soon if there still are people wanting to read this... Ciao for now! 

Oh my god. 

"HAHAHA!!!" I guffawed. "What is up with your hair, Sakuragi?!"

"I look more handsome now, eh?" He said shamelessly.

I laughed.

It was my first day in Shohoku High school. I was fresh out of Junior High – the same one that Sakuragi and the rest came from. We used to fool around together – do such fun stuff together! Oh, I was so lonely after they graduated! But never mind, I now had them for company again.

"You've grown taller," remarked Youhei.

"Of course I have," I said immediately, pleased. I was very proud of my height.

 "How tall are you now?"

"170cm!" 

"Nyahahaa, you're still shorter than me," Sakuragi said.

Well, that's true. 

"Ahh, the bell. Well, seeya later," I waved.

I was stopped on my way out by their teacher, a small bespectacled man. 

"You!" 

"What?" I snapped. 

"Why does your hair have red streaks?" He asked.

Well duh, I dyed it!

"Because it pleases me," I said placidly.

"Are you going to dye it back or not?"

"No."

"One demerit point for you! Give me your name and class!"

Sheesh. A demerit point on my first day at school! Oh well, whatever. I suppose it was, in a way, a smashing start to my High School career.

(narrative)

The day progressed. I got booked 3 times for my hair by 3 different teachers on 3 different occasions. And of course, inevitably…

"You! One demerit point for sleeping in class."

Yawn. Fine, whatever. A vague idea was forming in my head. Demerit points are like tokens in an arcade, except they're given to you, you don't have to spend money on them. One demerit point entitles you to a whole lesson's sleep. That's not so bad a price, really. I was slightly tempted to request for 365 demerit points – a year's in advance, so I could do whatever I damn pleased. I held my tongue, of course.

You know, I think my fellow students were scared of me. Wherever I went, they pointed their fingers at me, and whispered god-knows-what to one another. Quite a few friends have told me that they were quite tempted to beat me up the first time they saw me. It's my scowl, perhaps. I guess these things can't be helped – some people are just born to look lovable, some are born to look hate-able. 

So anyway, I received a note from one of the seniors, asking me to meet them at the rooftop after school. I think they wanted to beat me up, but I went anyway. I'd like to think myself as quite a good fighter, though Sakuragi and Youhei keep telling me I'm not that good.

At the rooftop, all I saw was a guy lying down on the floor. He was sleeping, I think. I kicked him.

"Did you call me up here?" I demanded.

He opened his eyes for a few seconds, then fell back asleep. 

I kicked him again. How dare he ignore me!

He woke up rather reluctantly, and got up. I gulped. He was quite tall. 

"I don't like people who wake me up from my sleep," he said menacingly.

"Well, you should go die if you like sleeping so much," I spat. I was a little scared, just a little, but I never let it show.

**Gangster's pov**

"Who's that person we want to beat up today?" I asked.

"A freshman – one of us got a glare from him today."

These freshmen were giving us headaches. How could we let them know that we were the bosses? First came Ryota. Then Sakuragi and Rukawa. And now another arrogant little fella. 

We climbed the stairs up the rooftop, and heard some argument. Was a brawl going on? 

We reached the rooftop. Uhhh. A girl?

**Rukawa's pov**

A girl. I didn't know her name. She was holding in her hand a half-eaten banana. 

"I don't care if you're a girl. I'll beat you up all the same,"

"Well, you know what? I don't give a damn either. Beat me up, then!" She snorted.

Then, she stuck the banana in her mouth and punched me.

What a shrewish girl. She was quite good-looking, and had a ridiculously long ponytail – the longest I'd ever seen. The look she was wearing on her face now – full of scorn, disdain. Ugh. But she was quite strong, so I supposed she had some right to be arrogant.

I returned the punch. She kicked me, and I caught her leg by the ankle. 

"MMMPHPPH GGG!" 

She couldn't speak properly with the banana in her mouth. Haha! She spat it out.

"LET GO," She shouted.

Haha, I won't, too bad. Go cry yourself a river, shrew.

"Oi!! Let go of my leg! NOW!"

I tightened my grip.

"Ouch! Let go, my ankle!"

Her face was now twisted up in a mixture of anger and pain. She looked… funny. I would've laughed, but I'm Rukawa, and I don't laugh.

Just then, I caught sight of something. Her…

"STOP STARING! I'M WEARING SHORTS YOU PERVERT," She yelled.

I let go immediately; she lost balance and fell backward. Lucky for me, I just saw her shorts. If I saw anything more, I think I would've puked. 

Shit, what makes her think that I was interested in her shorts? I just happened to see it.

She scrambled up and swore under her breath. She then spun round and left. I opened my mouth to say "do'ahou", but ended up with a mouthful of her hair instead. Yuck! Her ponytail – I couldn't stand it. I couldn't imagine her with her hair down, I think she'd look like those witches you read about in children's stories. 

_I need mouthwash, NOW._

**Shizuka's pov**

Some twits were standing in my way.

"GO AWAY!" I shoved them aside. 

Hmm no, wait. I looked at them.

"Were _you_ the ones who called me here?"

"Well, it was a misunderstanding, we don't really like hitting girls – "

I gave him a punch and stalked off. It was all their fault. Fancy asking me to the rooftop and then being late! And I had to face that – that – what was his name? I'll just call him piggyboy, since he enjoys sleeping so much. And I had to face Piggyboy all alone. It was such a humiliating defeat! I had to plead him to let go. Hmmph.

"I think she got into a fight…"

"Yeah I wonder with whom…"

"She's bleeding…"

"She's such a shrew…"

"Yeah she's a shrew…"

"Shrew…"

"I can't stand her… she's a shrew,"

Shrew. Shrew. Shrew. This was the word everyone was using to describe me. And I hated it. Though I admit myself to be quite shrewish, but I still didn't like being called a shrew. I mean, half of us out there are idiots, and yet we don't like it when people call us idiots. Get what I mean?

"Shrew…"

"She's a shrew…"

"Shrew… ewww shrew,"

Ahh. Why can't they just shut up?

"SHUT UP, AND SHREW OFF!" I exclaimed. They scurried away like pathetic mice. Wait, what did I just say?

"I meant – SCREW OFF!"

Well, that was my first day in school – in a nutshell. Full of thrilling activity. Boo.

Oh and, by the way, my name is Shizuka Tendou. And I hate my name.

**Author's note:** There's the first chapter! She's chalking up the demerit points, ain't she? That means detention in the next chapter, with all the other problematic people in Shohoku (that includes the SD guys). Detention has never been more eventful! RnR if you like =)


	2. Foxyface, Buta, Do’ahou!

**The Detention Diaries**

Chapter Two: Foxy-face, Buta, Do'ahou!

**Shizuka**

// Announcement! All students should check the notice board to see if you're down for detention. //

"Heh? Detention?" Sakuragi said, bewildered.

"Since when did Shohoku give their students detention?" Added Youhei.

"Mwahaha, I bet you're down for it!" I said unkindly.

"Shhh. I'm not going to check the notice board!" Said Sakuragi. "This is the strategy of tensai! If you don't check, you don't know, so you don't have to go. Nyahahahaaa!"

Youhei shook his head and sighed.

"Well, I guess I'll go help you check then!" I gave a cackle and dashed out of the classroom.

"Oi! Shizuka!!" Sakuragi called after me.

I'm so evil sometimes. Tsk tsk.

There were a lot of girls swarming around the notice board; they were chattering excitedly about something. As I got nearer, the words "Kaede Rukawa" floated to me. Kaede Rukawa? Who on earth was that? Oh well, who cares.

I edged my way to the front, and looked for the Year 2 list. Haha! Just like I thought! Sakuragi, Youhei, and the rest of the Sakuragi brigade were down for detention! Then I saw the name Kaede Rukawa. It sure seemed like all the girls were crazy over him. I wondered if he were handsome. Hmmm.

Oh, there's a list for Year 1 students as well? How absurd. We've only been here for a day! Never mind, mwahaha, let's see who are the unlucky ones. Hmmm, there're only two. Shoichi Sato, and… what the #@*(&@$. 

I gaped. Shizuka Tendou. Ack, NO!

I stormed to the staff room. This was absurd, ridiculous, abominable! How could _I_ be down for detention? At the staff room were again a herd of girls. They seemed to be badgering the teachers about something. And again, that name floated to me, "Kaede Rukawa". I got nearer, and heard various scraps of vehement pleas:

Girl #1: Please! Send us to detention!

What? Are these girls crazy?

Girl #2: Yes, _please_, sir! Please send us to detention!

Yes, these girls _are_ crazy.

Girl #3: Sir, please! Please please please please please…

Girl #4: We want to be with Kaede Rukawa!

Crazy girls altogether: _Please please please please please please…_

I shoved them away impatiently.

"Sir," I said. "This is unfair! Unjust! I've only been here for a day!"

"Look at your hair, Shizuka! Obviously a problematic student!" He said.

This is prejudice! Students with red streaks of colour on their hair aren't necessarily bad! You can't judge people by the color of their hair, just like you can't judge people by the color of their skin. Argh, this is unfair!

"Sir, this is _unfounded prejudice_!" I cried. "And anyway, what does it matter, if I can produce good grades?"

He gave me an appraising look. "You? Good grades?" He said incredulously.

"Yes, why not?" I retorted.

I may look sloppy and stuff, but I take my studies seriously. The prospect of growing up to be a road-sweeper doesn't really appeal to me. Anyway, I got straight A's all throughout Junior High. I could've gone to Kainan (but their school fees are ridiculously high)! Yet I choose to humble myself and come to Shohoku, and what do I get? 

"You can't get good grades." He said.

"OH YES I CAN." I said loudly. All the teachers in the staff room turned to look at my teacher and I. He was visibly embarrassed – having a student raise her voice at him. Mwahaha. I shall do it again, then.

"DID YOU HEAR ME? I AM NOT STUPID LIKE YOU ARE," I said even louder.

"Get out!" He yelled, and chased me out of the staff room.

Hmmmpphh.

Detention Day 1

So, here we were, a dozen or so gloomy students cooped up in a classroom. That hateful teacher gave us all worksheets to do, and left us alone. Sigh. 

"Err… guys?" A scrawny boy with spectacles said. I supposed he was the other Year 1 student, Shoichi. I wondered what he was doing here. He looked like the typical nerd.

"Err… guys???" He repeated. Everyone ignored him.

"What?" I said, pitying the poor guy.

"Well, I thought we should introduce ourselves, play some ice-breaker games, you know, since we're going to spend so much time together. I remember once in Jr High camp, we had such fun playing the games – "

"Shut up." One of the gangsters said.

"Umm ok, my name's Shoichi Sota, in case you wanted to know, and – "

"Shut up!"

"Ok."

Hmmm. I think he was down for detention for being too talkative. How dumb!

I was introduced to Sakuragi's basketball mates. Mitsui Hisashi – a retained student in Year 3, and Ryota Miyagi. They joked around and stuff, but I was too sulky to join in. Some of their jokes were downright lame, anyway. So I retreated to a corner, and did the worksheet. I completed it in like, 15 minutes. 

"I've completed the worksheet, does anyone want to copy?" I offered. I don't consider myself a particularly kind or generous person, but I do like to do a good deed a day. 

"Sure," Ryota said, and grabbed the worksheet from me. 

**Rukawa**

Yawn. How long have I been sleeping? Detention is so boring. 

I rubbed my eyes.

Hmmm. There are so many people down for detention? Eh, who's that girl? She looks familiar. Hmm, she's staring at me too! Ohh, here she comes…

"Ohh, if it isn't Piggyboy himself," She said.

Now I remember. She was the shrew from the rooftop. 

"Do'ahou." 

"Buta!" 

"Do'ahou!"

"Buta!!"

This is getting ridiculous. And it's gonna get worse – Sakuragi's coming over.

"You know him, Shizuka?" He said.

Oh. So her name was Shizuka. It didn't suit her one bit.

"Yes, and I hate him!" She exclaimed.

"Nyahahaha, looks like some of my tensai genes have rubbed of on you!" Said Sakuragi. "He is foxy-face."

She stared at him.

"No, he's buta."

Uhh, right. Why didn't it occur to them that I am neither?

"So, what am I?" I asked sneeringly.

"Buta," Said Shizuka.

"Foxy-face," Said Sakuragi.

They look at each other. The red-headed twit pulls her aside. They seem to be discussing something. Are they finally going to come to a conclusion about my official nickname? Ahh, they're coming back.

"So?" I asked.

"We don't know what you mean." Sakuragi said.

I stared at them blankly.

"Do'ahou."

**Author's note:** The second chapter! I just had to include Mitsui in this story, so I had him retained (which means he failed his exams last year, sob). Hehe. Nothing much in this chapter, it's only the first detention session =P

Thanks tensaispira and sLL for reviewing! 


	3. Smells Like Teen Spirit!

**The Detention Diaries**

Chapter Three: *sniff sniff* Smells Like Teen Spirit!

**Rukawa** Detention Day 2

I awoke from my sleep reluctantly. It was _too_ noisy; I couldn't sleep any longer. What the hell were they doing? It took awhile for me to register what I was seeing.

Everybody – and I do mean everybody (save for that scrawny Year 1 kid) was jumping up and down and nodding their heads like they were on crack. Some of them were on tables, others on chairs and they were singing something… something that sounded like Nirvana's _Smells Like Teen Spirit_. They resembled performing monkeys in a zoo. Sakuragi, in particular, didn't look like he was fully aware of what was happening. I think he was just jumping to show off his new shoes, or his jumping abilities or whatever, and was desperately trying to capture attention. What a twit.

 **Teacher**

I strolled down the corridor, worried. I had been put in charge of the performance to welcome the Year 1 students, and I was short of two items. The Ballet Club could fill one of them, I think, but what about the other item? _Oh no, what have I gotten myself into? Why did I ever agree to be in charge of this?_

Just then, something told me to take a few steps backwards, so I did. And what did I see? A bunch of rowdy students jumping up and down. I could hear them singing something… I couldn't quite make out the song, but surely they were singing. Then, I had an idea.

I knocked on the door, and opened it.

"Err, hi –" I began.

Everyone froze when they saw me. A very pretty girl that looked somewhat intimidating walked toward me. 

"Hullo." She said, narrowing her eyes at me.

I looked at the rest of the students in the classroom. Gulp. They looked fierce. Gulp. 

"I'm Mr. Yoshi – "

"Yes, Mr. Yoshi? What do you want? We don't have all day, you know." Said the girl. "We're busy serving detention."

Gulp. What am I going to say now? Why did I ever come into this classroom? Gulp.

"Oh, uhh, as you all know, there's gonna be a performance to welcome the Year 1 students, and I was wondering if you'd like to perform – "

"Thanks, but no thanks." 

"Ok," I said hurriedly, and scampered out of the classroom.

I bumped into the Discipline Master.

"Mr. Yoshi, did you just come out of that classroom?" He asked.

"Uhh, yes, I did,"

"Why? Were they misbehaving?"

I bit my lip. Would I be ratting on them if I told the truth?

"WELL?" The Discipline Master asked again. Something in his voice scared me.

"They – they were jumping up and down, and I wanted to ask them if they would put up a performance for the – "

"JUMPING UP AND DOWN?" 

With that, he marched to the classroom.

_Gulp. Would those gangsters be after my blood? Oh no! _

**Shizuka**

"Haha, yeah, did you see how he was gulping all throughout?" I laughed.

"Yeah! Gulp. Gulp. Haha! Let's call him Mr. Gulp!" Said Mitsui.

That was a weird teacher that just left us. He looked so scared.

Suddenly, silence fell over the classroom, indicating the unwelcome presence of someone we all knew and loved to hate…

"WHAT IS THIS I'VE BEEN HEARING ABOUT YOU 'JUMPING UP AND DOWN'?" He roared.

Silence.

"You're serving detention, not having a party!!"

Silence.

A wide, sinister grin spread over the Discipline Master's face. 

"AHA! I know what! Since you all are so full of – of vitality and vigor, _you_ will put up an item for the Welcome Performance." He seemed positively pleased with this little idea of his.

Protests ensued.

"MAKE SURE YOU COME UP WITH A SATISFACTORY ITEM, BY HOOK OR BY CROOK!!" He made his voice heard over the many protests, and left the classroom, slamming the door behind him.

"Err… guys?" It was Shoichi again.

"What?"

"Umm, actually we could maybe, like, sing something by the Backstreet Boys, you know," He broke into a little song, "Backstreet's back, alright! Nah nah nah nah nah…"

"SHUT UP!"

"Ok."

All of us exchanged glances. What were we going to do? And then, Youhei summed it up in two words. _Who cares?_

Yeah. Who cares? Then, we continued.

**(Nirvana's _Smells Like Teen Spirit_)**

_And I forget just why I taste _

_Oh yeah, I guess it makes me smile _

_I found it hard, it was hard to find _

_Oh well, whatever, nevermind _

_Hello, hello, hello, how low? (x3) _

_Hello, hello, hello! _

_With the lights out, it's less dangerous _

_Here we are now, entertain us _

_I feel stupid and contagious _

_Here we are now, entertain us _

_A mulatto _

_An albino _

_A mosquito _

My libido 

_A denial !! (x9)_

**Rukawa**

Argh, enough already! This is ridiculous. They're singing it out of tune. Oh for goodness' sake, just let me sleep! Ugh!

Shit, the shrew is prancing towards me. Ugh, what does she want?

"Go away," I mumbled irritably.

"BUTA!!!!" She screamed into my ear, then went back to being a monkey with the rest. 

Ouch, my poor ear.

I stared at her for awhile. She was laughing and jumping and nodding, looking like a madwoman. In fact, all of them looked like madmen, like they had their screws loose. Oh, but of course, people like Shizuka and Sakuragi _don't have any screws to begin with_. Sometimes I keep forgetting.

**Shizuka**

The more I look at him, the more I think he's weird. We're all having a good time, why doesn't he want to join us? I may hate him, but I don't like seeing someone so left out, dozing off in his own little corner. It's just _not right_. He should be laughing and jumping together with us. But I guess butas are too lazy to even get on their feet. Tsk!

Speaking of "us", I love these people here at detention! It was so cool, Mitsui was just listening to his discman and singing _Smells Like Teen Spirit_ softly, and then I joined in, then more people started singing, and we started clapping, jumping, and letting loose. Whipeee, what fun! Everyone loves Nirvana!

Hmm anyway, Sakuragi, Mitsui and Ryota invited me to their training session tomorrow. I wonder if it'll be fun. They say a lot of people always turn up to watch them train, so I suppose it's quite entertaining. I miss sports. I used to play football (football – soccer, you know? Not the American type) with the guys in Jr. High. I would've been their first choice goalkeeper, if I were a boy! It's so unfair. Sigh. And Shohoku doesn't even have a football team. I guess my boots and gloves are hung up for good! Sob.

**Author's note:** Ahahaha! Shizuka goes to their training session tomorrow. What happens? Lol. And remember – the whole buncha them are scheduled to perform in about a week's time, and they're not even bothering to prepare. Uh oh!

Tensaispira, "buta" means pig ^_^ 

SLL – yeah! Micchy rocks! Teehee =D

Unchained – I'll keep her a shrew and a gangster, of course! :D

Kiwigal and ej-83 – thanks for the reviews!


	4. Snorting Pigs and Mouthwash

**The Detention Diaries**  
Chapter Four: Snorting Pigs and Mouthwash

Detention Day 3

**Rukawa**

Thanks to the prancing monkeys, we now have a teacher to keep an eye on us during detention. _Great_. I'm not allowed to sleep, they're not allowed to sing. Nobody's happy. Ugh. And guess what? Shizuka The Shrew is sitting beside me. Double ugh. Oh well, I'll attempt the questions on the worksheet then… 

**Shizuka**

So Piggyboy isn't just a sleepyhead, he's a hollow-head as well. I can see his answers from here… they're all wrong!  

**Rukawa**

She's peering at my answers. So Miss I'm-so-clever ain't so smart after all. Sheesh. 

Yawn… I'm so tired… zzzzz…

**Shizuka**

He's drooling, he's drooling! His drool is all over his worksheet! Gross!!

After Detention – at the basketball court

**Haruko**

_Oh, so this is Shizuka Tendou! She's really tall._

"Hello, Shizuka-chan! I'm Haruko, their manager," I held out my hand.

"Oh, hi," She said, and shook my hand.

_She's really very pretty… hmmm. Is that a banana sticking out of her pocket?_

**Shizuka**

Why is she staring at my banana? Perhaps she wants one, too.

**Haruko**

"You want one? Sorry, I only brought one today," Shizuka pointed to the banana.

_Errrr._

"Haha, never mind," I smiled sheepishly.

She smiled slightly, and walked away. Less than 5 seconds later, she turned back.

"By the way… d'you know who is Kaede Rukawa?" She asked.

_Kaede Rukawa!! Why is she looking for him?_

**Shizuka**

_Oh look at her! She's blushing furiously. Another one of his fangirls, must be. _

She pointed shyly at him. My jaw dropped. 

_Is she pointing at who I think she's pointing at?!_

"No no, are you saying that _that_ is Kaede Rukawa?" I asked incredulously.

She nodded.

"Piggyboy is Kaede Rukawa?!" I wondered aloud.

I think she heard. Her expression changed at once. _Oops._

"What did you say?" I think I detected a very faint malice in her voice. 

"Ahhaha, nothing! I was saying I'm such a pig for not noticing earlier. He's gorgeous, yes." 

Yeah, like really gorgeous. His mop of messy black hair, his foxy eyes, the way he drools, yeah. Simply gorgeous. Wulala! (Bleargh.)

I watched as they practiced. Sakuragi – an athlete? I still hadn't got used to the idea. 

"GO! RUKAWA! GO! LOVE RUKAWA! RU-KA-WA!"

My attention was at once turned to a bunch of screaming, star-struck girls. Rukawa winced slightly at the sound of them. Hmmm. So his fans embarrassed him, they were a source of constant annoyance. Fantastic! I shall join them, then.

**Sakuragi**

Those stupid girls! Why can't they just go away? Argh, what's so good about that fox?! 

"GOOO!! RUKAWAAAA!!! GO!!"

_What? Have they bought loudspeakers? Argh!!_

I turned to look at them. It was Shizuka! I thought she was anti-Rukawa!

"Shizuka!! I thought you hated him!"

She ignored me, and continued cheering.

_Why??!?!_

"Oi! Shizuka! You're my buddy, don't embarrass me!!" I yelled.

She ignored me.

_Why??!?!_

**Rukawa**

What the hell is that shrew up to? Shit, this is embarrassing.

**Shizuka**

_This is getting boring. Yawn. He isn't responding at all… _

I went to sit at the stands. It was their break-time, I think. Mitsui joined me.

"Heya." He said.

"Hey,"

"It's getting boring?"

"Quite."

**Mitsui**

I looked at her closely. Actually, if you just look at her face – ignore all her silly antics and sloppiness, she is quite gorgeous.

"Are you pure Japanese?" I asked. 

She looked at me, a little surprised.

"Nope, I have a little Spanish and English blood."

Oh. So that's where all her nice features came from. There was always a hint of something foreign about her.

"You've been living in Japan for long, then?"

"What is this, a population survey?" She laughed. "Well, no, I lived in England till I was about 12. Parents died – left my kid brother and I very badly off. We had to come to Japan to live with some lambasted relatives, who sent us away not long after."

She didn't look like she was really interested in conversation. She was observing Rukawa (he was practicing on his own) intently while peeling her banana. 

"What – don't tell me you like him?" I asked.

"Hell no!" She exclaimed. "You know his fans? I think they've all grown stamps on their eyes."

"Either that or they're cock-eyed." I added.

"Right."

Once Rukawa's back was turned, she hastily gobbled up her banana. 

"Hey – slow down!" I told her. Her mouth was _very_ full.

And then, she threw the banana skin onto the court. 

"Shhhh!" She whispered excitedly. 

Rukawa had both eyes on the hoop. Everything and everyone else were invisible to him. His gaze never wavered. He took one step, two steps…

KAPLOMB.

Nyahahahahaaa!!!

I laughed, but her hand flew to my hand immediately. She sorta ordered me to duck. So both of us squatted down at once, trying to stifle our laughter.

"Pinch your nose!" She said. "It helps,"

So we pinched our nose and laughed. I think we looked – and sounded like a couple of snorting pigs. If only Sakuragi and the rest were here to join us, we would've been a convincing pig farm.

**Rukawa**

A banana peel. The only person I knew who ate bananas in school was Shizuka. Argh. Her again! 

… …

My butt hurts.

"Rukawa, Rukawa! Are you alright?" Haruko rushed to me immediately.

"Get away," I mumbled, and got up with the banana peel in my hand. 

_I hear pigs snorting. I think it's coming from the stands…_

I walked over. True enough, Shizuka was hiding there. And so was Mitsui. Why was Mitsui with her? I couldn't believe it – Mitsui was my senior, and here he was playing lame tricks on me!

Upon seeing me, Mitsui got up immediately, trying to regain some dignity. Blah.

Shizuka, still squatting, glared up at me. I dropped the banana peel on her head. She got up at once.

**Mitsui**

Whoa, both of them look murderous, especially Rukawa! Shizuka is looking… well, weird. There's something wrong with her eyes... She's blinking faster. And faster. And faster. Huh?

**Rukawa**

Now she's batting her eyelids at me with great exaggeration. Argh, go away!

And then the damning word fell from her lips.

"Loverboy!" She said loudly and burst into peels of laughter. Everyone in the court was now looking at us. _This is humiliating!!_

I opened my mouth to say "Do'ahou", but just at that very moment she turned and walked away. I ended up with a mouthful of her hair _again. _Ugh.

Next time I'll make sure I bring mouthwash. One can never be too safe around shrews.

Detention Day 4

**Shizuka**

No teacher today, hurray. 

"Shizuka, don't you think it's time to cut your hair?"

"It is?" I fingered my hair lovingly. I hadn't got out of the silly small-girl belief that longer hair made you prettier. Let's face it, every girl is vain. It's just that some go through extra lengths to ensure they look good.

Youhei and Sakuragi looked rather amused.

"Well, yes. But I don't think you can bear to cut it anyway," Said Youhei.

"What makes you think that?" I said, slightly annoyed. Then, without giving him time to reply, I continued, "Well I will cut it today."

"You'll still look as ugly," A sneering voice came from somewhere. Rukawa!

"Well it's none of your business, is it?" I glared fiercely at him.

**Rukawa**

I wanted to say "do'ahou", but stopped myself in time. Everytime I open my mouth to say that, I never manage to, and instead end up with a mouthful of her hair. I've wisened up now. 

She turned around. Smack. Her ponytail hit my face. _Arghhh!! Go cut it, for goodness' sake! Goooo!!_

**Shizuka**

I stood outside the hairdresser's, hesitant. 

Should I cut my hair?

Should I _not_ cut my hair?

Ahhh, whatever. I went in…

The Next Day at School

"Go on, laugh." I said gloomily. I was with my new haircut. I looked like Harry Potter number 2.

Youhei and Sakuragi looked at each other.

"You look like a doll, Shizuka!"

Hmmm. Really? Then it isn't that bad, is it? I mean, if somebody says you look like a doll, that's a compliment, right? Then maybe my new haircut ain't that bad after all…

"Yeah, like Chucky."

_Chucky? What Chucky?_

_…_

_…_

_Ohhh! THAT Chucky from Child's Play! Damn them._

"MWAHAHAHAAHAA!!" They chortled.

"Argh, shut up." I snapped.

The bell saved me from any further embarrassment. I went back to my class, enduring all sorts of audible whispers about my new haircut.

Just when I thought things couldn't get any worse…

// Announcement! Teachers, you have been given a list of involved students to release for the performance. Please excuse them now. All other students are to be seated in the school hall for the performance by 10 o'clock. Thank you. //

"Shizuka, it says here that you're performing," My Math teacher said.

Huh?

"You must've made a…" My voice trailed off.

Then, I remembered. 

The performance is _today!!_ Shit shit shit!!

**Author's note:** There. A rather long chapter! I hope you enjoyed it ^^

Ayu: hmm not quite, but thanks for reviewing! =)

Unchained: I wish we could do that too!

Lockhart: Thanks! Hmm Shizuka hates her name because… err… it's quite feminine, I think?

Devoted2Mitsui: micchy!! :D

sLL: Thank you =) Nah, she won't become a lovesick puppy! But she's a little vain – all girls are, I guess! 


	5. Our Doomsday

**The Detention Diaries**   
Chapter Five: Our Doomsday Back Stage

**Shizuka**

I twiddled my thumbs nervously. All of us were now backstage. We were scheduled to be the 7th to perform, and now the first performance had already finished.

"So, Shizuka?"

"What are we gonna do, Shizuka?"

"I thought you always said you were smart, Shizuka?"

"What now, Shizuka?"

Everyone's pressing me for a solution! It's not like it's my fault we're in this predicament! Oh no… I've always boasted about how smart I was, but now…! Maybe I should stop being so arrogant, but hell, _I am smart._

Argh, what am I thinking about? I imagined the whole bunch of us on stage, with everyone booing us off. I smacked my forehead. This was no good!

"Doomed, we're doomed," Youhei shook his head.

Rukawa grunted.

5 minutes passed (now at item number 3).

"Shizuka, what now?"

10 minutes passed (now at item number 5).

"SHIZUKA!! WHAT NOW?!"

I shook my head in despair. Maybe we should just start thinking of how to dodge the rotten fruits and eggs.

The 4th item had now finished, and the performers were all backstage. One of the performers had _a violin_… _A violin! _I rushed over immediately.

**Violin girl**

The performance just now was great! My precious new violin…

Eh, isn't that Shizuka Tendou from Year 1? Is she coming towards me?

"Hi, lend me your violin." She said in a sugary sweet tone. "Please?"

"Wh-what do you want it for?" I stuttered.

Her expression changed from a smiling pussycat too that of a ferocious tigress.

"Lend me your violin now, and maybe I won't smash it on stage later on." She growled, and placed her hand on my violin.

"No!" I cried, refusing to let go of my violin. She tried to pull it out of my grasp. 

She gave up in the end, and walked away sulkily. Hurray, I had saved my violin from destruction!

Moments later…

Shizuka Tendou again? Oh no! 

Wait… isn't that Kaede Rukawa! _Rukawa…!!_ Shizuka Tendou was pushing Rukawa toward me. Why?

"Rukawa wants to borrow your violin," She said, smiling. "Right, Rukawa?"

"… Right." 

_Rukawa wants to borrow my violin. Rukawa wants to borrow my violin!!_

"S-sure," 

"Well, thanks." Shizuka snatched my violin and stalked off.

**Rukawa**

Why the hell am I playing along with her? I don't see how a violin can save us now, anyway. But maybe she's thought of something. Maybe. It had better be good.

**Sakuragi**

Ahh! Shizuka is returning!

"Have you thought of an idea yet, Shizuka?" 

I always knew she was smart, thought not half as smart as I am!

"Yes," She replied.

"I want to stand in front later on!" I told her.

"You sure, Sakuragi?" Youhei asked.

"Of course! Tensais like me are meant to steal the limelight."

**(Sakuragi's imagination)**

// And now… introducing… Hanamichi Sakuragi and his band!! //

Fangirls: SAKURAGIII!!!! GO SAKURAGI!!

Haruko: Sakuragi-kun!!

Sakuragi: This song is dedicated to my dearest Haruko Akagi! _Ohhh… my love…my daaaarling… I hungerrrr for your touch, a long lonely time…_

Fangirls: AHHH!!! Sakuragi can sing so well!!

Haruko: And Rukawa is only his back-up singer! Sakuragi, my hero!

**(end of Sakuragi's imagination)**

Heh heh!

"So, Shizuka! What's the plan?" I asked eagerly.

Psst. Psst. Psst.

"WHAAAAAT?!?!"

**Shizuka**

"You can't be serious, Shizuka!"

Vehement protests everywhere.

"Oh yes I am," I said dryly. It was the best plan we had.

"But- but –"

"But what?" I snapped.

"Can't we sing something else? Like – like Nirvana!"

"Nirvana, with a violin? Are you kidding me?" I retorted.

"Errr, guys…"

"Shizuka, are you sure?!"

"Heh heh, never mind, we have tensai Sakuragi standing in front. We can all hide behind him," Youhei sniggered.

"Youhei!" Sakuragi exclaimed. "No way!"

"Errr, guys…?"

"What?"

"We could sing the Backstreet Boys…"

"SHUT UP, SHOICHI!!"

"Oh no, it's gonna be our turn soon!!"

**Rukawa**

We're doomed. I knew that shrew couldn't come up with anything good. All she has in her head are bananas and god-knows-what-else. 

And she looks like crap in her new hairstyle. It's like a longer version of Dicky Potter's hair. Or is it Harry Potter? Whatever. Perhaps her so-called intelligence disappeared along with her locks. Bah.

**Shizuka**

These fools! How dare they have so many complaints? We're in dire straits already! Thank God they have me to save them from eternal damnation. But what's the use? They don't appreciate it! They think my idea is dumb - preposterous! But really, what can we come up with in 5 minutes? They haven't any brains, have they? If they had, we probably could do something like _Whose Line Is It Anyway_. Argh.

"I'm not performing." Rukawa's voice came.

"Fine then, you can go solo if you want." I replied. 

Sheesh. What does he want to do? Demonstrate his drooling abilities?

"Shizuka, I don't want to stand in front anymore…" Pleaded Sakuragi.

"Nyahaha, you shall!" I said with the air of an evil witch. 

// And now, we have… err… the students from detention! To present to us… ummm, an item!! Let's welcome them!! //

**Rukawa**

No way am I going out there to embarrass myself. No way. I don't think they'll notice anyway… all of them are going out already. Heh. I'll just sneak away…

Just then, two hands fell on my shoulder.

"Don't think you can escape, kitsune!" Sakuragi.

"If we die, we die together!" Misui.

"Rukawa, you coward!" Miyagi.

And then, they dragged me out onto the stage.

Right. _This is it._

**Shizuka**

I haven't played the violin in like, 6 friggin' years! What if I screw up? Wait, I've always screwed up. I remember I was so lousy in it that the violin teacher simply refused to teach me anymore. And now I have to play the violin in front of everyone. Shucks. 

_WHY DOES IT ALWAYS RAIN ON ME?!?!_

**Author's note: **I wanted to upload this chapter earlier, but fanfiction.net was down I think… so anyway, here it is! 

I'm actually in the midst of exams now, so I'd better go study already =) I've completed the next chapter, I just need to edit it… it should be up by next week! Till then, please continue reviewing, and thanks to those who have reviewed! 


	6. Fortunetellers

**The Detention Diaries**   
Chapter Six: Fortune-tellers 

On Stage!

**Sakuragi**

"Eh, Sakuragi, you're standing in front right?"

Nudge.

"Sakuragi, you want to stand in front, right?"

Nudge. Nudge.

And suddenly, I'm right in front. Everyone looks so small from here… they look like ants. I wonder where's Haruko…

I shut my eyes tightly.

_Haruko, please don't laugh at me!!_

**Miyagi**

Heh heh. Being short has its advantages. To my right – Rukawa. To my left – Mitsui. In front of me – Sakuragi. I'm quite sure nobody can see me from here! Mwahahaha, thank God.

**Rukawa**

I hope nobody sees me (although that's quite impossible).

"GO! RUKAWA, GO!!!"

Ok, now it's _very_ impossible.

**Shizuka**

Violin. Shizuka. Shizuka. Violin.

These two words just didn't go together!! Ack!

_But, never mind. I'll give it a try. _

I inhaled deeply and was about to start playing, when…

"OI!! ALL OF YOU! TUCK IN YOUR SHIRTS!"

Talk about anti-climax. Everyone hastily tucked in their shirts.

**Discipline Master**

These students! How dare they go on stage with all their shirts tucked out! 

Coming to think of it… I haven't screened their performance. I hope they've enough sense not to sing obscene punk songs. But Tendou is with a violin… hopefully it's something good. _It had better be, or else…!!_

The eerie sound of the violin filled the school hall. It was a slow and haunting tune, but somehow not unfamiliar… and then, it stopped.

"A one, a two, a one two three four!"

"TWINKLE TWINKLE LITTLE STAAARRR, HOW I WONDER WHAT YOU AARE, UP ABOVE THE WORLD SO HIIIGHH, LIKE A DIAMOND IN THE SKYYY, TWINKLE TWINKLE LITTLE STAARRR, HOW I WONDER WHAT YOU AARE,"

"A B C D E F G, H I J K L M N O P, Q R S T U V W X Y Z, NOW I KNOW MY ABCCCC, WON'T YOU COME AND SING WITH MEEEEE,"     

Argh, these little brats!

**Shizuka**

Phew. I pulled it off. The only song I know how to play on the violin – twinkle twinkle little star. Phew.

Sigh, everyone's laughing at us. Well, better laughs than rotten eggs, I guess.

**Rukawa**

I have just performed _Twinkle Twinkle Little Star_ on stage in front of the whole school (although I'll admit I didn't open my mouth to sing at all). Now tell me, how do I regain my dignity? How…?

**Shizuka**

There is going to be a Kanagawa High Schools' charity concert coming up. Guess what? We're representing Shohoku High School. What a smashing idea from the Discipline Master… NOT.

"YOU'D BETTER COME UP WITH SOMETHING THAT SATISFIES ME, OR IT'S DETENTION FOR THE WHOLE YEAR!!" He'd roared.

Sheesh.

**Rukawa**

Walking. Strange thing, isn't it? Foot in front of foot… I was walking home as usual, when an old wrinkly man sitting by the roadside called me.

"Young man… you look like you're going to be lucky in love this year,"

One of those old fortune-tellers with nothing better to do than repeating the same old line to all "young men" walking past. Blah.

"In fact, the woman in your life is going to give you a gesture of affection tomorrow!"

Haha, yeah right. I get gestures of affection at a rate of, say, 10gestures/hr. All those mushy notes… 

_"Rukawa, I luffff yeewww!!" _ (this reads: Rukawa, I love you!!")

_"Rukawa, pls pls luv me omg u r so kewwwt!!"_

I can feel the hair at my back standing up already.

Shudder.

**Ruffled middle-aged woman**

It ain't easy taking care of your ageing father, especially so if he has Alzheimer's disease and wanders about thinking he's a fortune teller! Ah, there he is!

"Get up, father, let's go home…"

"Ahh, young miss, you are going to be lucky in love this year…"

The Next Day After School

**Mitsui**

We all agreed to go to Shizuka's house after school to come up with ideas for the performance. We were to rehearse in front of the Discipline Master in about a week's time. 

_Alright, we're here…_

We went in. Umm. 

"Wow, your house looks, errr, lived in," I remarked. 

"Well duh, who d'you think has been living in it all these years?" She replied coldly.

"A tornado of some sort," I muttered under my breath. 

"What did you say?"

"Nothing."

Her house was a mess. A big mess. A gigantic mess. A humongous mess. You get the idea. Clothes and peanut shells lay all over the place. And this was _a girl's living quarters._ I expected better than this!

"Well, make yourself at home…" She told us, and went into her room. And then…

"AKIRA!!!"

**Shizuka**

My lazyass brother skipped school _again_. 

"AKIRA!"

He woke up reluctantly. 

"What?"

"You didn't go to school today?"

"No."

**Mitsui**

Curious, I went to see what the hell was going on. 

"You know jolly well how lousy your grades are, and you're still skipping school! Next time I'll make sure you leave for school before I do!"

Shizuka was nagging at who I presumed was her brother. He gave me a look that said, "help me". 

"Umm, Shizuka…" I called.

"Hah, Mitsui, you've come in at just the right time. This is my brother Akira." She turned to Akira. "You see? If you don't study you'll get retained just like this big brother over here!"

And she went on. And on. And on.

_Why am I dragged into this, too?_

"Sis, wait… I've got something to tell you, scold me later."

"What? Have you failed your test again?"

"No… I'm selected for the national U-15s."

There was a brief pause.

"W-what? Come again?" Shizuka said.

"I'VE BEEN SELECTED FOR THE NATIONAL UNDER 15s!!" He yelled.

"REALLY?!?!" She yelled back.

"YES!!!"

(At this point, I decided the both of them were bordering on nuts.)

"I always knew you were a genius." She tussled his hair. "Are you hungry? Can I get you anything to eat?"

_Girls! They hate you one minute, and love you the next. Who can understand them?_

We went back into the living room. Sakuragi, Youhei and everyone else were laughing and crowding round a poster; Rukawa was in a corner looking through a collection of records.****

**Akira**

"Ahh, Sakuragi! Youhei!" I greeted. They hadn't come round for a long time.

"Akira!"

"Laughing at my poster again?"

Every time they come, they would gather round and laugh at my poster of the French footballer Zinedine Zidane (Zidane is balding, the poor thing).

**Rukawa**

I looked through all her records. _The Shrew actually listens to acceptable music._ Hmmm. 

"Don't touch my records," A voice behind me said. I knew that voice; it was the most irritating voice in the world. 

I turned my attention to her turntable instead. _What an old model…_

"Don't touch my turntable!"

"_You_ invited us here," I said with extreme annoyance. 

"Well firstly, I wouldn't use the world invite," She said placidly. I decided that this was true. They had to do a great deal of persuasion.

"And secondly," she went on, "I invited them – them. Not you."

**Shizuka**

I could've slapped my forehead. I swear - my mouth has a life of its own! I can be so tactless sometimes. 

I watched as the annoyance faded from his face.

"Oh." He said. "Fine, then." 

He got up to leave.

**Rukawa**

"Umm, wait," She said.

I groaned. What now? 

_Nobody likes me, everybody hates me, I should go eat some worms. Argh._

"Well – uhh, the weather forecast said it's gonna be raining, so you really should – umm, go inside."

"The weather forecast said it's gonna be sunny," I said dryly.

"Argh, just get the hell back in," She said, and shoved me back inside. 

… …

I went back in, and fell asleep.

I think I woke up about an hour later, only to find The Shrew inching closer and closer towards my face. 

It's bad enough when I see her from afar, but now all her features look large and blown-up. It's worse. Eeww, go away!

Well, it's funny, but something told me to run for my life. So I did. Behind her, Mitsui and the rest were laughing their guts out, I wonder why…?

"Oi, stop running!!" She panted behind me. "You jabroni piece of monkey crap! Stop!!"

**Shizuka**

This is humiliating! Why is he running away? It's like he's seen a monster or something. Argh!!

**Rukawa**

She caught up with me, eventually, and (brace yourself!) _she kissed me_. On the cheek. Left cheek. I was left momentarily stunned. She stomped back to the laughing crowd of boys, going on about how her lips were going to rot.

I touched my cheek. _Is it decaying already…?_

"Well, what're you waiting for?" She yelled. "BUGGER OFF!!"

_Huh? She's angry with me? Let's see now. SHE kisses ME, and it's MY fault?_

Her brother put his arm round me.

"You'd better clear off, mate." He shook his head. "You don't want to get a tongue-lashing from _her_."

_I rolled my eyes. A tongue-lashing from The Shrew; I'm so scared! Boohoo!! PAH. _

**Shizuka**

I've never been so humiliated in my entire life. I had to chase Piggyboy to kiss him. I felt like a – a desperate maniac. Ugh.

"Stop laughing, you assholes." I snapped. Everyone was rolling on the floor and laughing like crazy.

"Mitsui, it's your turn now," I said with a sinister smile. He sat up at once.

Yeah, we're playing truth or dare. You didn't think I'd kiss Piggyboy out of my own accord, did you?!

"What am I supposed to do?" 

"Well," I said. "Pretend you're gay and confess your love to Shoichi."

Shoichi was sitting in his own little corner, doing god-knows-what. Everyone burst out into fresh peels of laughter.

"HAHAHAHAA!! MITSUI!! GOO!!"

An eye for an eye. Hmph.

**Rukawa**

Girls. They're weird. 

Timeline of Shizuka's feelings:

3pm: chased me out of the house

3.01pm: cooked up some cock and bull story about the weather and shoved me back in

4pm: chased me round the house and kissed me

4.03pm: yelled at me to "bugger off"

Madness.

_Walking. Strange thing, isn't it? Foot in front of foot…_

Oh. It's the fortune-teller from yesterday. Suddenly, I recalled what he'd said. _The woman in your life is going to give you a gesture of affection tomorrow…_

Wait. Does this mean – Shizuka – the woman in my life – huh? I was flabbergasted.

No. How could I believe in all this fortune-telling shit? I don't believe in all this. I don't. No, no, no…

"About what you said yesterday," I began awkwardly.

I can't believe I'm taking his prediction seriously. Shit.

He nodded, expecting me to go on.

"The – uhh – woman in my life,"

This is stupid. 

"Is there anyway I can, like, change it to someone else?"

"Ah yes," He said knowledgably, and picked up a stone from the road. "Sleep with this under your pillow…"

That Night

I examined the stone closely. _Nothing special about it. I don't believe in its "powers" either._ I put in the drawer and went to sleep. 

**(Rukawa's dream)**

I need my bed, I need to sleep, I'm so tired…

Wait. Who's that on my bed? Someone's beat me to it! Argh!!  
It's… it's Nicole Kidman… she's asking me to come over… uhhh. She's leaning forward, she's whispering something into my ear…

"Loverboy."

Loverboy… where had I heard that before? Loverboy…

I rubbed my eyes.

SHIZUKA!!  
"AHHH!!"

**(end of Rukawa's dream)**

"Young master, young master! Is there a robber? A thief? An assassin?"

A servant rushed into my room. _An assassin? That's abit imaginative, ain't it._

"Just a nightmare, get out."

_A nightmare of the worst kind at that. _I shivered, and scrambled out of my bed to retrieve the stone.

I spent a long time looking at it. 

_Should I put it under my pillow, really? But how could I fall for this superstitious shit?_

I put it under my pillow anyway.

Hmm, my pillow feels softer now… fluffier… nicer to sleep on. Yeah, I think I'll put this stone under my pillow from now on. Not hocus pocus bullshit; just that it feels more comfortable… yeah, it should be all right.

[author's note: LOL, who is he kidding?]

**Shizuka**

"Akira, wake up!"

"What…" He mumbled.

"I had a nightmare, get up and chat with me,"

"Shut up… go to sleep…"

Stupid, good-for-nothing brother. I picked up my pillow and threw it down at him (he's below me on the double-decker bed).

My nightmare is as follows:

A LOT of pigs were chasing me. A LOT. Their eyes were reddish-orange and glowing, and they were all chasing me furiously on two legs. The freaky part is – they had _that_ mop of black hair, identical to Piggyboy's. Errr.

… …

… …

"Oi, Akira. Give me back my pillow,"

**Author's note: **VERY long chapter ^^; Somehow I'm not really satisfied with it… it's not funny enough, I think. I dunno. Must've lost my touch – that is, if I ever had it =P 

By the way, I'd like to ask for opinions/suggestions/whatever. Should I keep my fic focused on Rukawa and Shizuka…? I was thinking on doing something like a sitcom, where there're funny episodes about Mitsui and Miyagi as well, though the "main" and central plot of the story is truly dedicated to the former two. I dunno, should I?

Keaxy: I'm not really good at describing… uhh, Shizuka's hairstyle looks something like this (http://movies.yahoo.com/shop?d=hc&id=1800020739&cf=pg&photoid=233112&intl=us). Hilary Swank. Hee :P Thanks for reading!!

Lambie: Yeah, I meant Shoichi to be a funny extra. He'll get to speak more in the next chapter… hehe. I'm gonna read your mary sue fic now! I've always wondered what's a marysue… I hope Shizuka isn't one of them!

Unchained: Hey, I'm taking the O'levels too!! I just took my Chemistry paper today. Good luck for the rest of the papers!

Tensaispira: I hope this chapter is as funny as the last one… *sobs*

Ayu: glad you enjoyed my fic thus far =)

a-sendoh: I love to make people laugh! Hopefully this chapter makes you laugh too.

sLL: I hope you're satisfied with this chapter! It's extra long =)


	7. Little Red Robin Hood

**The Detention Diaries**   
Chapter Seven: Little Red Robin Hood 

Detention Day 8

**Rukawa**

I swear The Shrew almost jumped when she saw me. Maybe she's wisened up overnight and decided that she doesn't want to mess with me. Hmm.

**Shizuka**

_Rukawa. Piggyboy. Pigs. The nightmare last night! _

"Someone likes you, Shizuka." Mitsui told me earnestly, bringing me back to reality. Sakuragi and Youhei exploded into laughter.

"What's so funny?" I snapped at them.

_Someone likes me… hmmm. _I'm not a very vain girl when it comes to boys, but perhaps… yes, perhaps there were some hints he dropped here and there that I took too lightly then…

"Shoichi."

_Shoichi. Shoichi? _I choked.

**Rukawa**

The Shrew is choking on her banana! HAH!

**Shizuka**

"Nyahahaha, Shizuka! Relax!" Sakuragi and Youhei pat my back. "I know you're really excited that a guy is finally interested in you, NYAHAHAHA!!"

"I – no – not excited – " I spluttered.

"Hush, don't talk or you'll choke more! Haha!"

**Rukawa**

My ears pricked up. _A guy is interested in Shizuka The Shrew? 20-1 he's from a mental institution. Tsk tsk._

**Shizuka**

"Yeah – " Mitsui said in between guffaws, "I think Shoichi has something to say to you,"

_No. Not now. Not in front of everybody!_

Shoichi came, grasping in his hand a piece of paper. I think it was his "speech", or something. Argh.

"Shizuka, I really, really like you. If I am Romeo," He waved his hand with great exaggeration, "will you be my Juliet?"

Everyone was clutching their stomachs, laughing. My cheeks felt hot.

**Rukawa**

Oh, so her admirer is none other than Shoichi. They make a great match, if you ask me – the moronic couple. How romantic. LOL.

**Shizuka**

Shoichi continued with his speech.

"If I am Kurt Cobain – "

_Someone hand me a bucket, I need to puke. Shoichi – Kurt Cobain? _

(author's note: Kurt Cobain was the front man of Nirvana)

"- Will you be my Courtney Love?"

(author's note: And Courtney Love is his widow – he's dead, sob.)

"NO!" I exclaimed, quite horrified.

"Ok, never mind then. But if I were…"

"NO!!"

"The upcoming performance – we'll play Romeo and Juliet – you and I!"

"WE ARE NOT DOING ROMEO AND JULIET,"

He looked at me, wide-eyed and surprised.

"We're not?"

"WHO TOLD YOU OTHERWISE?" I demanded.

He looked at Mitsui. 

**Mitsui**

If you want to know the full, juicy story, it'll have to stretch back all the way to, uhh, yesterday.

We were playing Truth or Dare, right? And Shizuka dared me to confess my "love" to Shoichi, remember? Well, this was what happened…

**(Mitsui's flashback)**

"Shoichi, umm… actually, I have something to… uhh, confess." I began.

_Damn, they're already laughing away._

Shoichi blinked.

"Well, go on!"

"I, uhh, actually…"

_This sucks._

"Hush, say no more!" He lowered his spectacles and gazed into my eyes. I shuddered. "Are you… in love with me?"

_Hmm. It isn't supposed to go like this. He isn't supposed to believe it!!_

He sighed.

"There's nothing to be ashamed of, being gay, but I already have someone I like…"

He pulled me to a corner and whispered into my ear. It tickled, and sent shivers down my entire body.

"Shizuka!"

_Shoichi likes Shizuka. Shoichi. Shizuka. MWAHAHAHAAA!!!_

I turned back to look at Shizuka. She'd obviously thought her revenge plan worked. Well, it backfired! Hah!

"Really? Well I can tell you how to go about telling her…"

**(end of Mitsui's flashback)**

Shizuka looked at me and smiled. Her smile was petrifying. She looked like how some psycho would've looked before cutting up bodies or something obscene like that. Errr.****

"We're not doing Romeo and Juliet," Said Shizuka. "We're doing Little Red Riding Hood."

"Little – Little Red Riding Hood?!"

"Shizuka! First there was Twinkle Twinkle Little Star, now there's Little Red Riding Hood!" 

"Second childhood, Shizuka?"

"Well, just as long as I'm not Little Red Riding Hood," I said.

"Oh of course not. You'll be the grandmother," She said with an evil twinkle in her eye.

Me. Little Red Riding Hood's grandmother. Doesn't that make me Old Red Riding Hood, or something?

No, that's not the point. The point is – I'll have to dress up like an old lady and wear silly, frilly things. No!

"Why is it that you always seem to have most control over things?" I grumbled.

"Not _most control,_" She said placidly. "Totalitarian."

I decided that Shizuka could be a real tyrant when she wanted to.

**Rukawa**

"Hullo, Piggyboy." The Shrew greeted.

Piggyboy. How disgustingly sweet a name. Ugh.

"Will you play Little Red Riding Hood?" She continued.

_Little Red Riding Hood? What on earth is that?_

I gathered it was some play. Not wanting to appear stupid, I said, "Whatever."

She looked surprised, and so did the others.

"Really?"

Little Red Riding Hood. Riding Hood, Riding Hood… OH. He's the guy that robs from the rich to give to the poor, right?

"Whatever." I repeated.

Everyone started bursting into laughter.

"Y-you really want to?" They asked incredulously.

_Why? Are they jealous I get to play the hero, or something?_

"You can have the role if you want," I offered.

Man, I feel like charity-doer today. Rukawa – the generous one. Hmm.

"No thanks! Haha!"

**Mitsui**

Rukawa – Little Red Riding Hood! And I thought I was pathetic.

Results of casting:

Little Red Riding Hood: Rukawa (LOL)

Grandmother: Me (-_-;)

Hunter: Sakuragi

Wolf: Youhei

Detention Day 9

**Rukawa**

I stared at the script blankly.

'Once upon a time there was a dear little girl who was loved by everyone who looked at her…'

_Dear little girl? Must be a typo. Anyway…_

'… but most of all by her grandmother…'

_HER grandmother? _

'… … Little Red Riding Hood, however, had been running about and picking flowers…'__

Picking flowers? I thought he was supposed to steal money! And why is he a girl?!

I scrolled down and looked at my lines.

"Oh, grandmother, what big ears you have!"

No, this doesn't look too good.

I was horrified. But for all my inward incredulity, all I could manage was a weak, "Little Red Riding Hood is a… _girl_?"

Shizuka heard me.

 "Duh. What did you think?"

Let me see now. I thought Little Red Riding Hood was the righteous, courageous and butt-kicking hero who stole from the rich and gave the money to the poor. If I tell her that, I'm finished. I'll never hear the end of it!

She narrowed her eyes.

"You didn't think it was… Robin Hood, did you?"

The people around me elapsed into fits of laughter. The laughter was so contagious; the gangsters who usually did their own thing started laughing too.

**Sakuragi**

NYAHAHAHAAA!! Foxy-face thought Little Red Riding Hood was Robin Hood! 

I felt a hand on my shoulder, and turned around, still laughing. It was one of the gangsters, also laughing.

"W-what are ya'll laughing about?"

I stared at him. He stared at me. Then, we both roared with laughter.

"NYAHAHAHAHAAAA!!!"

**Rukawa**

She's done it again. I'm totally humiliated. Totally.

I got up and walked out of the room, utterly disgraced. She came after me.

Why? Want to apologize? Seen the error of your ways?

I halted, half-expecting her to say 'sorry'.

"Well, what?" I asked.

She walked up to me.

"You forgot your script," She said.

With that, she went back into the classroom, laughing like a madcap ruffian. 

Argh. I've got to get out of this. I've got to get out of this! No way am I wearing a silly red cap and red dress and prance around on stage picking flowers!

Detention Day 11

**Shizuka**

Piggyboy hasn't been coming to school for the past 3 days. I wonder what the hell is up with him. Oh hell, who cares? - just as long as he turns up for the rehearsal tomorrow…

Detention Day 12

We're to rehearse in front of the ruddy Discipline Master in 20 minutes, and HE'S STILL NOT HERE!! 

"What now, Shizuka?" Asked Mitsui.

"How'd I know?" I replied, fuming.

"Why don't you stand in for him, Shizuka?"

I? I STAND IN FOR PIGGYBOY?!

"I?" I cried menacingly. "You're saying I stand in for that CREEP? Who wrote the damn script? Who did the – "

"Ok, ok."

**Mitsui**

In the end, we drew lots. Sniff sniff. Poor Miyagi…

**Miyagi**

I'm playing Little Red Riding Hood. All this just because Kaede Rukawa, that stuck-up imbecile, refused to come to school! I'll have it out with him after school!!

The Rehearsal, Scene 3

Me: Oh, umm, what big ears you have!

Youhei (who looks ridiculous with that conical wolf's nose made out of vanguard sheet): The better to hear you with, my child.

Me: But, grandmother, what big eyes you have.

Youhei (whose whiskers look ridiculous too): The better to see you with, my child.

Me: But, grandmother, what big hands you have!

Youhei: The better to hug you with, my dear.

This is so lame.

Me: Oh, but grandmother, what a terribly big mouth you have.

Youhei: The better to eat you with! Nyahaha!!

Me: Ahh!! (throws up both hands and waves a silly white flag)

The Rehearsal, Scene 4

Sakuragi: Do I find you here, old sinner! I have long sought you!!

Why does Sakuragi get to play the hero?

The Rehearsal, Scene 5 (made up by ourselves)

Me (to the audience): I have learnt my lesson. I will not take the dangerous path again!!

Two extras: Hey Red! You cannot go to your grandmother's house!!

Me: Why?

Two extras: Because you'll get eaten up! Wait. What's that in your basket?

Me (smirks): The wolf.

After the whole ordeal

"You must know where Rukawa lives. SPEAK!!" I grabbed the collar of one of his fans. I recognized her. She was 'Ru'.

With that, Shizuka and I marched to his house in fury.

**Shizuka and Miyagi**

Damn that imbecile! How dare he not come?

**Mitsui, Sakuragi, Youhei, and the others**

Just going for the show… should be quite a showdown, nyahaha.

**Shizuka**

Wow, his house sure is big. 

"You all are friends of Young Master?" Asked a servant.

Friends? No, I don't think so.                   ****

"This way, please. A young miss is also here to see him. Young Master has been ill," She said, and led us up the stairs to his room.

A young miss? His girlfriend?

**Youhei**

In Rukawa's room was… Haruko?!

"WAAAAHAAAHAAA, what's Haruko-chan doing in Rukawa's room, Youhei?!" Sakuragi wailed.

"Haha!" I laughed, amused. "You've been dumped again, Sakuragi!"

**Shizuka**

Oh, so it's Haruko. What the hell is she doing here? Come to wait on her dearest Rukawa? Sheesh. 

**(Shizuka's imagination)**

Haruko: Rukawa darling, it's time for your medicine!

Rukawa: Coming, Haruko darling.

Haruko: Rukawa dear, give me a kiss!  
Rukawa: Alright, my dear.

Haruko: Rukawa honey bunny, say you love me.

Rukawa: I love you, Haruko honey.

**(end of Shizuka's imagination)**

Miyagi and I stomped right into his room.

"Shi- Shizuka-chan! Miyagi!" She exclaimed, a little surprised. Her face reddened. "I'm here to see Rukawa as the Assistant Manager of the Basketball Club…"

Who needs her explanations? Do I look like I gave a damn? 

"Go away." I shoved her aside, and grabbed Rukawa by the neck of his shirt. He was sitting up in bed, trying his best to look ill. 

You can't fool me, Piggyboy!!

"Get up! Stop feigning illness!" I exclaimed

"Shizuka-chan!" Haruko whined. I rolled my eyes. She was so irritating.

"Yeah, Rukawa! Stop feigning – " Miyagi stopped short, and turned to me. "How d'you know he's faking it?"

Rukawa pointed to his throat, indicating that he had no voice.

"Soar throat, eh?" Shizuka said. "And you're drinking hot chocolate? Is that a new remedy?" She pointed to the mug of brown stuff on his bedside table.

"Flu." Rukawa said.

"AHA, now you can talk?"

"Rukawa! How can you be so irresponsible! You said you'd be Little Red Riding Hood!" I cried.

He made a grimace.

"Medical certificate?" Demanded Shizuka.

He took a slip of paper out from his pocket. She snatched it from him.

"Issued by Rukawa Family Clinic… you're despicable, Piggyboy!" She said.

"Lowdown!" I added.

He shrugged. 

"Who gives a shit about what you think, shrew?" He said coldly.

**Shizuka**

I think I've said this before, and I'll say it again. I hate being called a shrew!! But I can't help it, can I? It's his ruddy mouth and he can say whatever he pleases, and usually that's nonsensical bullshit. Argh.

I turned to look at Haruko. Her eyes were wide open in fright and bewilderment. Everything about her just screamed, "I'M A DAMSEL IN DISTRESS, COME SAVE MEEEE". 

Hmph.

So I'm a shrew and she's an angel. FINE.

"And nobody gives a shit about what you think either, Piggyboy." I said icily, and stomped out.

 Why am I so bothered? If Piggyboy wants to think that way, I'll just let him be. Stupid Piggyboy.

**Rukawa**

Haha. Go! Go as far away as possible, and I hope I never see you again, shrew. In fact, I've got a good mind to present you with a one-way ticket to Timbuktu. 

**Miyagi**

Sakuragi and Youhei stood at the foot of the stairs, looking like statues as Shizuka swept past them. They relaxed after she was out of earshot.

"What's with her, Miyagi?"

"What happened in there?"

I shrugged. I didn't understand, either. I thought I should be the one flaring up at Rukawa, and that Shizuka was only my, uhh, sidekick.

Back in Shizuka's house

**Akira**

"Tell me honestly, Akira." My sister began.

Oh no. When girls ask you to be "honest", it's not a very good thing.

"Am I a nice girl?" She asked.

UHHH.

"Oh yes," I said. "You're nice and pretty and kind and – "

She threw a shoe at me.

_Oops, I guess I overdid it._

"Be honest!"

Well ok, I'll be honest. 

"Well, no."

She threw another shoe at me.

See? I told you. It's a lose-lose situation. Sigh.

**Author's note:** I enjoyed writing this chapter. I hope all of you enjoyed reading it too ^^ 

The next episode will feature Micchy! So, fans of micchy, stay tuned!

Thanks everyone who reviewed chapter 6! Unchained - there you are! Mitsui's encounter revealed ^____^ 


	8. The One With 2 Parts

**The Detention Diaries**   
Chapter Eight: The One With 2 Parts 

(a/n: There're two parts to this chapter, part I: Mitsui and the Hillbilly, Part II: Meet Larry Stu. Enjoy! :D)

Part I: Mitsui and the Hillbilly

Detention Day 13

**Miyagi**

I've been made the new "Little Red Riding Hood", just because Rukawa has an uncle who runs a family clinic and I don't. Sheesh.

"So whose house are we going to later on? We need to rehearse, right?" I asked.

"Not mine." Everyone chorused.

"Can't we go to your house again, Shizuka?"

"Certainly not. My brother's been mourning the death of his pet." She replied sadly. "Danny."

"Danny?!" Sakuragi and Youhei exclaimed. "Danny is dead?"

"He's been missing for days, so I suppose so."

"Wait. So what if this Danny's dead?" I asked curiously.

Shizuka shook her head.

"Danny wasn't an ordinary pet," She said.

"Danny," Said Sakuragi.

"Was a…" Continued Youhei.

"Cockroach." Finished Shizuka. "And my brother's been holding funeral rites for it. He's been listlessly throwing crumbs of potato chips all around the house."

_Cockroach… a cockroach! _I gasped.

Miyagi's flashback

- in the bathroom at Shizuka's house that fateful day -

Nyahahahaa!! I can't believe Mitsui actually confessed his "love" for Shoichi!! Ahhahaa!! Sighhh… time to relieve myself…

_Hmm? Did I just step on something?_

* Looks down and gasps in horror * 

_A cockroach!! Eeeeeyuck!! I stepped on a cockroach!_

* Picks dead cockroach up and dumps it into the toilet bowl *

_FLUSH._

/end of Miyagi's flashback

Sakuragi shook his head sadly. 

"Youhei and I gave Danny to him for his 12th birthday…"

_OOPS._

**(Miyagi's imagination)**

// Today, we come together to mourn the death of Danny the cockroach, whose death will forever remind us of the cockroach-abuse that continues to plague this nation. Danny the cockroach fought courageously for the rights of his fellow kind, and was cruelly murdered Ryota Miyagi's Converse slippers… or Ryota Miyagi himself if you like. //

"Our deepest condolences, Akira." A sobbing Sakuragi said.

"Yeah… we're all sorry Danny died," Weeped Youhei.

"Danny… he's been with me for 2 years…" Akira croaked. "Now the least we can do is to scatter the floor with crumbs of potato chips and hope his soul rests in peace…"

* sprinkles crumbs of Jack'N'Jill potato chips all over the floor * 

"Jack 'n' Jill potato chips… his favourite brand. Danny, may you rest in peace!"

"Ryota will get his retribution, not to worry, Danny!!"

**(end of Miyagi's imagination)**

I certainly got my retribution all right. What with me playing Little Red Riding Hood and all! Remind me never to step on cockroaches again.

"Erm, never mind. Mitsui, can we go to your house, then?"

"No!" He shook his head furiously. "No, no."

"Why?"

"Because… because… uhhh…"

"Ok it's settled then. We'll go to Mitsui's house."

"Nooo!!"

Mitsui's house

We stepped into Mitsui's house. There was nothing wrong with it – nothing to explain his initial vehemence…

"Oi, Mitsui. Your house seems ok…" I said, bewildered. "No dead cockroaches or any funeral rites,"

"Mitsui!! You're back!!"

A girl's voice came, eager and excited. Mitsui shook his head. She came into view presently. She was very plain, but pleasant-looking.

"You must be Mitsui's friends!" She chattered excitedly. "My name's Yuko, and I'm his – "

"She's my servant." Mitsui interrupted her hastily.

Her face fell.

"No soup today, Yuko?" Mitsui asked.

Her face brightened immediately.

"Oh yes, yes! I'll go get a bowl now." She turned to us. "Do you all want anything to drink?"

"Do you have coke?"

"No coke, but I have chrysanthemum tea and green tea – all homemade," She offered eagerly.

 "Err… okay."

She scurried back into the kitchen.

"Yuko, prepare some chicken soup, will you?" Mitsui called.

"Anything you like, Mitsui!"

"That's the only way to keep her out of the way," He whispered to us.

We nodded in understanding.

"Ok, now let's work on your costume, Miyagi!" Sniggered Mitsui.

"And yours, too." I reminded dryly. He stopped laughing immediately.

"My wolf nose looks funny," Complained Youhei. 

"Oh well, we'll fix that…" Said Shizuka.

"What about my costume?" Sakuragi demanded. "I'm playing the hero, right? Shouldn't I have a costume as well?"

"What d'you want, Sakuragi? Undies and a cape, like Superman?" Shizuka sneered.

30 minutes later

**Mitsui**

"I'm home!"

Oh no. Why did mom come home so early today?

"Mom?" I left my friends in my room and headed out. "Back so early?"

"Yes. Where's Yuko?"

"In the kitchen." I replied.

My mother called, "Yuko!!"

Yuko came scurrying out.

"You're back, Aunt Rika! I made chicken soup, it's not ready yet but – "

"Chicken soup? I didn't ask you to make chicken soup!" My mother said.

"Oh, Mitsui wanted it," She replied shyly.

Shit.

**Mrs. Hisashi**

Yuko is my protégé. She came from the countryside to live with me last month, when her mother – my best friend – and her father passed away. I made her my son's fiancée, but I'm not sure he knows how to appreciate her at all. She really is such a nice girl.

"Didn't you just ask her to make mushroom soup last night?" I questioned. "And there's still a whole pot of it leftover."

"Err…" My son fidgeted.

I sighed.

"How can you treat your fiancée this way?" 

**Shizuka**

Hmm? Fiancée?

"Did you guys hear what I thought I heard?" I asked.

"Th- that Yuko girl is Micchy's fiancée!!!"

Gasp.

Later that night

**Mrs. Hisashi**

"Yuko, bring me some chicken wings." 

"Yuko, I've finished – you can take away the plates,"

"Yuko, coffee!"

"Yuko, tea!"

My husband and my son are the limit. Yuko this, Yuko that, they're overworking the poor girl!

"Oi, Yuko." I looked her up in the kitchen. "Don't bother."

"B-but Mitsui and Uncle – "

"You can't spoil them like that, Yuko! They're just being lazy."

I dragged her out of the kitchen into Mitsui's room. My son was munching on a bag of chips, reading his basketball magazine. Without even looking up, he said, "What took you so long, Yuko? Put the coffee over there,"

"MITSUI HISASHI!" I shouted. He jumped.

"W-what?" He looked up at me, annoyed.

"Yuko is NOT your maid," I told him firmly. "You must be friendlier to her."

**Mitsui**

As my mom walked out of my room, I rolled my eyes. What did I have in common with a country bumpkin? Nothing! And she's my fiancée! Ugh.

"I'll go get your coffee now, wait." She said.

"You stop right there!" I ordered. She froze. "Can you not put on that pitiful look on your face all the time? My mother thinks I'm bullying you!"

"But I don't – "

"You're talking back?!" 

"N-no."

I looked at her. She looked close to tears. I made an impatient noise.

"Ok, ok. I'll give you 10 minutes to talk to me."

"Really?" She said excitedly. 

"Wait, I'll go get my alarm clock…"

I got the alarm clock and set the alarm to 10 minutes later.

"Ok, you can begin."

Immediately she plunged into heavy speech. She sounded excited, breathless, eager, but I didn't absorb a thing. I was concentrating on my magazine.

Finally, the alarm clock rang. _Finally._ She was still going on and on.

"And the other day – "

"Time's up! Not another word."

"B-but Mitsui, don't you have anything to say to me?"

"Oh yes," I said dryly. "Shut up, and goodnight."

I shoved her out of my room and closed the door. Irritating hillbilly.

The next morning

"WHAT?" I exclaimed indignantly. "She's going to school with me?"

"Yes." Said my mother. "I got her enrolled yesterday. She'll have to start from Year 1, though."

"Thank you so much Aunt Rika! I've always dreamed of going to school," She gushed.

_This is ridiculous!!_

On the way to school

"Three meters!" I reminded her. She took a few steps back. 

"Some more," I motioned. She took another few steps back.

"Ok, keep it that way. Three meters distance!"

Finally, we reached school.

"M-Mitsui, I don't know where's my classroom,"

"Go find it yourself." I said placidly, and went to the Year 3 classrooms.

**Shizuka**

"Hullo, Yuko." I tapped the girl's shoulder. I recognized her.

"Oh hello, you're… one of Mitsui's friends!" She exclaimed excitedly.

"Yes, yes." I said, not knowing what was so exciting about being 'one of Mitsui's friends'.

"C-could you help me find my classroom?"

I looked at the slip of paper she was holding. _Year 1 Class 9… That's my class!_

"You're in luck," I told her. "That's my class!"

Inwardly, I was excited. Perhaps I was finally going to have a girl friend! Hanging out with boys can be quite fun, but I really wanted to have a female friend like all other girls seemed to have.

So, we hung out all day together. She was really, really chatty. Sometimes I paid attention to what she was saying, and other times I didn't bother. It's always like that with chatty people. The worst thing was, the topics kept revolving around what soup she was going to prepare that night.

"I've got to go for detention, "I told her after school.

"Detention? What's that?"

_She doesn't know what detention is…?_

"Oh, detention is something reserved for only the elite group of students." I said very seriously. 

"Oh." She said, looking a little disappointed.

_She's lapping it up!_

"Mitsui's there too, you know."

"Really? Then h-how can I go to detention?" 

I can't believe she's falling for it! But oh well, I'll do her a favour.

I shook my head solemnly. "I'll try my best to get you in, but no promises."

She nodded her head eagerly. "Please."

I chuckled to myself. She was so gullible! I tore out a sheet of paper and wrote something on it. I gave it to her.

"Now, you give this to the Discipline Master – he's the one with the receding hairline and the stupid face – smile, and say 'you don't look like you have any'." I instructed.

**Discipline Master**

It's been such a bad day. All these students are driving me nuts!

"H-hello," A girl stammered.

"What?" I said impatiently.

She gave me a slip of paper. It read:

_"Have you no balls?"_

The girl then smiled and said, "You don't look like you have any."

GRRRRR.

**Mitsui**

_Detention! Finally, she won't be able to bug me anymore. Hah!_

Shizuka strutted into the classroom.

"Hey," She greeted. "How're the costumes coming along?"

"Yuko's making it,"

"Yuko… your fiancée, right?" Said Miyagi.

I waved impatiently. "Don't wanna talk about it. Anyway, thank God she isn't here now - "

No sooner had I said it, she came walking into the classroom. _ARGH!_

"Hello!!" She greeted pleasantly. "Mitsui, I brought some cooling tea," She shoved a bottle to me and urged me to drink up.

"You're not supposed to be here, Yuko!" I said angrily.

"Yeah I know, but Shizuka was so kind as to help me get in," She said.

_Shizuka?_

"Hope you don't mind," Shizuka said, smirking away.

Miyagi pat my back in mock consolation.

"Looks like she's here to stay. Accept it, Micchy…"

No. I don't believe this. How could I be defeated at the hands of a hillbilly? I – Mitsui Hisashi, probably the single cutest MVP in history! 

"You've got to help me get rid of her," I told Miyagi anxiously. He frowned.

"How?"

"Well, that's for you to figure out, isn't it?" I said.

"It's not gonna be easy – " He replied, "- looks like she has Shizuka on her side,"

**Miyagi**

"Oh come on, Miyagi! We've fought so many admirable battles together, side by side, and now you tell me you're scared of a girl!" Mitsui urged.

"Who's scared?" I said at once. 

But inside, I was terrified. I had this bad feeling that Danny the cockroach was watching over Shizuka in cockroach heaven, and might mete out punishment to me. Stupid, I know! But still, nobody wants to be haunted by a cockroach ghost, right?

"So, come on," He said. "Let's think of a plan."

"Umm, let's wait and observe the situation a little longer," I said evasively.

Mitsui snorted. "You chicken mama of a wuss!"

_Chicken mama of a wuss…? What the hell is that? I swear, Mitsui comes up with the stupid-est phrases._

Little did we know that a greater evil was fast approaching, and a much larger task lay ahead of us!

Part II: Meet Larry Stu!

The Next Day At School

"New transfer student!"

"Yeah, from America!"

"He is, like, _soooo_ cute!!"

Girls all around the school gushed.

"Oi, Miyagi." Mitsui called. "Who the hell is Larry Stu?"

"Larry Stu?" I asked.

"Larry Stu – the new transfer student from America,"

"I don't know! I think he's over there – " I pointed to a whole swarm of female students.

"Don't know why all the girls are crazy about him," He said, scowling.

I nodded furiously in agreement.

"Let's go check him out,"

We headed to where all the 'action' was. 

Bits of chatter heard:

"Larry, Larry! You're from America right?"

"So cool, that's so cool!"

"Oh Larry, can I have your autograph please?"

"Larry, is it true that you're joining the basketball club?"

-

Mitsui and I looked at each other, disgusted.

"He's joining the basketball club?!"

"Calm down, girls, one by one," A male's voice floated to us. 

**Mitsui and Miyagi**

What a sissy voice he has.

**Mitsui**

"Can you see him, Mitsui?" Miyagi tugged my shirt.

My poor short friend was tiptoeing in vain.

"No…" I replied.

The whole mob of girls formed a thick wall around him. Just then, the bell rang.

"Well, you girls better get going, don't want to be late for class!" The voice, which we presumed was Larry's, said.

So, amidst fits of girlish giggles and gushes, the crowd scattered reluctantly. Finally, we got a glimpse of Larry.

Mitsui and Miyagi's opinion: Disgusting brown hair – just the shade of shit. 

Girl's opinion: Floppy, gorgeous brown hair, just the shade of chocolate, yummy…

"Hullo," He greeted us with a smile, showing off all his pearly whites. "You here to get an autograph as well?"

**Mitsui and Miyagi**

_Autograph?! Who wants your autograph, pimp?_

**Mitsui**

"Don't over-estimate yourself," I spat, and walked away.

"Yeah," Miyagi said, and followed.

**Larry Stu**

?

**Shizuka**

"Everyone, let's welcome our new transfer student, Larry Stu." 

Girls cheered. Boys jeered. Yuko and I did neither. The only possible conclusion to draw from this is… we are bisexual?!

Then again, maybe not.

-

What Yuko says: He's not that great, Mitsui's _waaay_ better.

What Yuko really thinks: He's gorgeous…

What Shizuka says: Who gives a damn?

What Shizuka really thinks: Oh shit he's quite cute.

-

Larry Stu smiled, revealing his sparkly teeth. I could just imagine him with a black hat – he'd look like the guy on every single tube of Darlie toothpaste.

Recess Time

We (Yuko and I) were about to walk past Larry Stu, when Yuko halted. 

"Eh… is my hair messy?" She asked.

"No, why? Don't tell me you like Larry Stu!!" I exclaimed.

She blushed furiously. I frowned.

… …

… …

"What about my hair? Is it messy?"

At the basketball court after school

**Mitsui & Miyagi**

I can't believe it!! Larry Stu is joining us!! Argh!

**Sakuragi**

Sheesh, what's so good about that Larry Stu? Why're there so many girls swarming around him?

"Garlic stew." I mumbled, annoyed.

Mitsui and Miyagi heard me.

"Garlic stew. We agree, Sakuragi!!"

**Rukawa**

Another prat. How wonderful. ****

*** **rolls eyes *

"Hello guys!" He waved to us cheerfully. "I'm awfully sorry if all my fans have disrupted your training…"

I snorted.

**Shizuka**

"Come on Shizuka!"

Yuko was dragging me to the basketball court. She was bent on delivering another one of her bottled "herbal teas" to Mitsui. 

There was a huge crowd at the basketball court, it seemed almost impossible to squeeze through.

"Excuse me – excuse me," We tried in vain to wriggle our way through the screaming mob of girls.

**Rukawa**

First there was the Rukawa Brigade. Now what, the Larry Stu Brigade? All these "brigades" are driving me nuts!

I turned to glare at those silly girls. _Eh?_

* squints *

Shizuka!! Even Shizuka The Shrew has become a Larry Stu convert? Wait, relax. I must be hallucinating.

* rubs eyes *

IT'S REALLY THE SHREW!

**Mitsui**

Stupid girls, making so much noise! Why can't they just go away?

* squints *

Yu- Yuko!! What's she doing there? Has she been brainwashed, too? I've been cuckolded… I can't believe this…

Wait. Yuko isn't my wife yet. Relax.

Inhale… exhale… Inhale… exhale…

**Miyagi**

"Mitsui, what're you breathing so heavily for?" I looked to the crowd of girls.

"Ohh…" I continued. "Your beloved fiancée's there huh?"

* squints * 

AYA-CHAN!!!

* starts bawling *

Curse you, Garlic Stew!!!

**Ayako, Shizuka and Yuko**

All these stupid girls! Can't they make way? Idiotic, bimbotic airheads…

But that Larry Stu's really quite cute.

After training that day

**Rukawa**

"Meeting in the locker room, now!" Mitsui called.

"Meeting? Really? How fun!" Larry Stu exclaimed.

"Not for you." Mitsui said flatly.

What meeting? Can't be bothered with it.

"Rukawa! Don't you run away!" Miyagi shoved me inside the locker room.

All of us (Sakuragi, Mitsui, Miyagi and I) were gathered in the locker room. Mitsui bolted the lock, leaving a bewildered Larry Stu outside.

"So," Mitsui began. "What're we gonna do about Garlic Stew?"

_Garlic Stew?_

"I can't take it lying down!" Sakuragi banged his fist on the floor. "Why does he have so many fans?"

"Do'ahou." I muttered.

"What did you say, kitsune?!"

"Oi!! Right now we need to stand united against the enemy… remember… united…" Miyagi said.

United? All my life I've believed that alone we stand, together we fall apart.

"We've to kick him out of the club!!" Mitsui exclaimed.

I raised an eyebrow.

"How?" I asked coldly.

Truth be told, I really did want him out. He was _irritating._

Rukawa's flashback

"I hope you don't mind me saying, Rukawa, that the way you do your lay-up isn't quite right…" Said Larry Stu.

I snorted.

"Do you mind me showing you how it's properly done?"

I snorted.

I've been playing basketball all my life, and now some twit comes along and tells me my lay-up is wrong. Fiddlesticks!

He then proceeded to do a normal lay-up – I couldn't see anything about it that made it "right" compared to mine.

"Also, the way you dribble…"

I snorted, and walked away.

"Rukawa? Rukawa, don't you want to listen?"

/end of Rukawa's flashback

"That's right," Mitsui said with a sigh. "_How?"_

"Sakuragi, you're tensai right? Come up with a solution," Miyagi snickered.

"Why don't we just make life unbearable for him?" Sakuragi suggested, like it was the easiest thing to accomplish on earth.

"And how're we going to do that?" I said dryly. "Do'ahou."

** author's narration **

And so, in the humble locker room of Shohoku's sports stadium, the very sophisticated concept of "Operation: Down With Garlic Stew!" was conceived.

**Author's note:**

Well, here it is, chapter 8! While I'm proud of myself for finally doing a 9-page chapter, I hope the lack of gags doesn't disappoint anyone. I wrote this while not in the best of moods… my beloved Liverpool just lost last night to Fulham. Just wondering… does anyone in category 801 follow the English Premier League? I mean, everyone watches NBA (which is understandable, since SD is about basketball and all…)

Anyway, in this chapter you learn that Shizuka ain't that cool after all. Heh. Larry Stu… just my idea of a joke. Since all the limelight is now on Mary Sues, I decided the poor Larry Stus needed some attention too (though they really are quite similar). Don't blame me if it's unbelievable, but such is the charm of Larry Stus, right? Melting the hearts of all girls around the world… To be continued in the next chapter! 

For those who watch TVB serials religiously, no prizes for guessing which TVB serial I got the cockroach idea from =)

Till chapter 9, please R&R, comments/suggestions/anything at all.

xoxo,

qian/badly drawn girl/whatever floats your boat 


	9. Reeking Masculinity

**The Detention Diaries**   
Chapter Nine: Reeking of Masculinity 

Shohoku High School, as usual, was buzzing with excitement. Usually, all the fuss was about:

1) Some guy getting into a fight with another

2) Some guy romancing some girl; rumours fly

However, there were two occasions where the events were different. The formation of the Rukawa fanclub saw the whole school practically exploding with activity. Girls getting into catfights ("I'll pull your hair! Grr!!" and "Watch my Piercing Claw skill! Haiyaaa!!") over an application form to join; girls getting into catfights over who looked better in the official uniform ("I just look so good in this! It accentuates my boobs. Look!" and "No, I look better!!" and "No, your chest is too flat, I look better!!!"); girls getting into catfights over who held what post in the club ("I want to be the spokesperson because I want to speak to Rukawa!!"). That was probably the busiest day in Shohoku High School history.

Second to that – who could forget the time Sakuragi pulled down Takenori Akagi's pants, exposing to the public two big chunks of gorilla flesh?

But this day would top all of that. Because this day – the official Larry Stu fanclub was formed. Larry Stu – whose _irresistible _charm conquered every female's heart, whose smile could melt even the _coldest_ of icebergs, whose sparkly teeth could warrant him a lifetime contract as spokesperson of Colgate…

Imaginary scene

// And now, let's welcome Mr. Larry Stu, 3-time winner of the Mr. World Sparkly Teeth award!! //

Larry Stu walks down the red carpet slowly, flashing his trademark grin to reporters with cameras clicking away.

Excited Reporter 1: Mr. Stu! Mr. Stu! Could you please tell us, what are your feelings with regards to the recently formed Larry Stu fanclub?

Larry Stu (thoughtfully): I suppose I'm quite happy about it… it's about time…

Excited Reporter 2: Mr. Stu! Mr. Stu! How does it feel, being voted as Good Samaritan of the Year for your generous donations to charity?

Larry Stu: Of course I'm incredibly honoured. Sometimes, I just stare at my plates of delicious food and I'll just _cry_… some poor folk have nothing to eat… I just can't help it. Having a heart of gold can be a burden sometimes.

Unimpressed Reporter: Do'ahou. I don't believe you.

Larry Stu: How could you doubt my sincerity? I'm so hurt!

(Excited reporters shoves Unimpressed reporter aside)

Excited reporter 3: Mr. Stu! Mr. Stu! How does it feel, winning the Mr. World Sparkly Teeth award for the 3rd year running?

Larry Stu: Most honoured, of course. But I'd like people to know that there's more to Larry Stu than his teeth… he also does a lot of charity work which is meaningful…

Excited Reporter 4: Mr. Stu! Can you please tell us your formula for success??

Larry Stu: I have only one word for you aspiring Misters World Sparkly Teeth out there. Colgate!

Unimpressed Reporter 2: Rubbish. Tensais like me don't need Colgate! I have natural, sparkly teeth…

(Stomping crowd of fans edge Unimpressed Reporter 2 out of the way)

Unimpressed Reporter 2: Hey!! I'm tensai!! You can't do this to me!!

/end of imaginary scene (a/n: guess who're unimpressed reporters 1 and 2? Heh.)

Detention Day 16

**Mitsui**

"We need your help, Shizuka." 

We sat in a small circle in a corner of the classroom, trying to cajole Shizuka into helping us.

"We all know you're very capable," I said as earnestly as I could, in a bid to get into her good books.

She seemed pensive.

"What am I supposed to do?" She asked.

Psst. Psst. Psst.

"Y-ya'll are asking me to frame him!!" She exclaimed.

"SHHH!!!"

"So will you do it or not?" I asked. "Unless, of course, you've taken to Garlic Stew as well."

She flushed.

"Of course not! What the hell are ya'll thinking?" She protested. "Oh, alright, I'll do it. Just hand me the stuff."

"Nyahaha, Shizuka! You didn't disappoint us!"

"I can help too," Yuko offered eagerly. I snorted. 

"You'll only make things worse."

After Detention at Basketball Court

"Hmm, Mitsui, have you seen all the girls? I wonder where they've all gone," Larry Stu asked.

"Oh, don't you know? We have a new rule." 

"New rule?"

"Yes," Miyagi butted in. "I, as the captain of the Shohoku High School basketball team, have – "

"Just get on with it, Miyagi!"

"Ok, ok." Miyagi said, nettled. "No girls allowed in the stadium, except Haruko and Ayako, our two managers."

"Oh." Said Larry Stu, visibly disappointed. "And why is that?"

"Well, because, uhh, all these girls have been really a distraction."

"Ohhh," Larry Stu nodded, as if understanding something. He then flashed his smile at us. Ugh.

Miyagi tried to mask his disgust.

"C'mon, meeting in the locker room…" He herded us all into the locker room.

**Shizuka**

"Ok, oh my god, this is our cue!!" Yuko said excitedly.

"Let's go."

_Oh man, I feel like a thief._

"This is so exciting, it's like those espionage films!!" Yuko gushed.

(Pink Panther theme starts playing in the background)

"Shhh! D'you want to get discovered?" I snapped. "And why have you brought bottled tea again?"

"I'll just slip it in Mitsui's bag."

With that, we scurried over to where their bags were.

"Shit… which is his bag? There're two blue Nike duffel bags!"

"Shizuka, I think someone's coming! You'd better hurry!"

_Argh, what the heck_. I slipped the stuff into one of the bags.

At the locker room

**Mitsui**

"I thought this was supposed to be a meeting?" Larry Stu asked.

Everyone was lazing around, not doing anything in particular.

"Well, then I'll go outside first… it's kinda stuffy in here," He continued, and headed for the door.

"Wait – don't!"

Too late. Larry Stu had already set foot outside.

"Shizuka? Yuko?" He exclaimed.

We froze. _Have they been caught in the act…?_

**Shizuka**

I forced a weak smile. 

"Hi, Larry," I said, as casually as I could.

**Rukawa**

* rolls eyes *

_She sounds so coquettish. _Her voice echoed in my mind.

_"Hi, Larry,"_

I shuddered.

**Shizuka**

"You're not supposed to be here, you know," Said Larry Stu reproachfully.

_Oh no. Think, Shizuka, think!!_

"Uhh, umm…"

Larry stared at me, as if expecting an explanation.

"Shizuka, we might as well confess…" Yuko whispered, clutching her bottle in fear.

_Confess? No way! Wait… Yuko's tea!!_

"Oh, Larry," I sighed, "We just wanted to bring you some tea."

I shoved Yuko towards Larry. 

"Go on, give him the bottle," I hissed fiercely in her ear. She obeyed.

"Really? Why, thank you!" He said happily. "But make sure there isn't a second time, girls!"

He opened the bottle and drank.

**Mitsui**

Everyone heaved a sigh of relief. That dumbass Garlic Stew hadn't discovered our ploy, after all.

Shizuka deserves an Oscar.

**Shizuka**

Piggyboy approached us with a sinister look on his face.

"Swallow, and I'll tickle you." He said to Larry. Larry, with a whole mouthful of tea, froze. His cheeks were bulging, and looked not unlike a goldfish. _His groupies should see him like this!_

Piggyboy then turned to look at me.

"Move, and I'll tickle him."

"Nonsense, why would I care – " I stopped short and froze. 

_I am in front of Larry Stu. If he tickles Larry Stu, then the tea will…_

**Rukawa**

_I've been waiting a long time for this. A very, very long time. Finally, I can exact my revenge! _

I still hadn't forgiven her for the "Little Red Riding Hood" incident. I'd never been more humiliated in my entire life!

Presently, I relaxed and enjoyed the picture perfect sight before me. Larry Stu, with puffed up cheeks and a nearly green face, and Shizuka, looking like a statue with an expression of horror fixed on her face.

_Hah!_

Let's see who gets the last laugh now!

**Shizuka**

After one minute

Composition of mixture inside Larry's mouth: 90% tea, 10% saliva

_Shucks._

After two minutes

Composition of mixture inside Larry's mouth: 78% tea, 18% saliva, 4% bacteria

_Damn, damn!_

After three minutes

Composition of mixture inside Larry's mouth: 69% tea, 22% saliva, 6% bacteria, 3% bits of what Larry had for dinner yesterday

_UGH!!_

I was growing increasingly restless by the second. But I had to win Piggyboy, I had to!!

**Mitsui, Miyagi and Sakuragi**

_What the hell are they doing? Training to be professional statues?_

**Rukawa**

_This is getting boring. Move, dammit! Move!_

And then, like an answered prayer, like a fulfilled wish, like a gift from Heaven…

A fly descended on her nose.

_So, even Heaven is on my side. _I congratulated myself inwardly.

_"Congratulations, Kaede Rukawa…"_

She tried to focus on the fly on her nose, and so her eyes were crossed. Now, where's a camera when you need one?

**Shizuka**

_A fly is on my nose!! Go away!!_

It's climbing up my nose…

FORGET IT.

I waved it away, unable to stand having a fly on my nose any longer.

"You broke the rules," Piggyboy said as monotonously as ever, and prodded Larry's sides. I tried to run, but I wasn't fast enough. Larry exploded with laughter and spurted out the mixture (presently 57% tea, 28% saliva, 11% bacteria and 4% of what Larry had for dinner yesterday) in my direction.

"F-bleep-K YOU!!" I yelled.

I spun round and stomped off to the toilet in a huff, but not before hearing Haruko's voice call, _"Rukawa-kun! What's happening?"_

Sheesh… Rukawa-_kun_. How affectionate. 

**Rukawa**

_Ahh. Sweet, sweet victory. Sweet, sweet revenge._

"Shut up." I replied to Haruko. What business was it of hers, anyway? And then, of course, Sakuragi kicked up a big fuss and all…

**Akira**

Back In Shizuka's House

_I NEED TO USE THE BLOODY TOILET!_

I banged on the door.

"Shizuka!! Are you done yet?"

That sister of mine's been dominating the toilet ever since she came home, which was like 2 hours ago!

"I'm bathing," Came her reply, amidst splashes of water.

"BUT YOU'VE BEEN BATHING SINCE FOREVER," I yelled pleadingly.

"Alright, alright. Bear with it, I'll be out soon."

"YOU SAID THAT AN HOUR AGO!"

She ignored me.

Argh!!!

(crosses legs desperately, in a bid to control the huge incoming tide.)

**Miyagi**

Detention Day 17

"How was I to know Miyagi had the same bag?" Shizuka retorted. She was obviously pissed off.

I shook my head and looked up to the sky (the ceiling, actually), where Danny must be. _It must have been Danny…_

Miyagi's flashback

(At practice yesterday, after the girls had gone)

"Has anyone seen my Adidas water bottle?"

"Has anyone seen my cans of Pocari Sweat?"

"… Has anyone seen my, umm, new pair of socks…"

"HAS – ANYONE – SEEN – THE – TENSAI'S – PENCILCASE –"

(a/n: Can you guess who said which line? Hehe.)

Larry Stu wore a look of concern on his face.

"All of you have been losing things?" He asked.

We all nodded.

"I think we need to search everyone's bags…" I suggested.

"YEAH – WE – NEED – TO –"

I nudged Sakuragi. "Be more natural, please!" I hissed.

"You dare to question the tensai's acting abilities?!" He hissed back.

"Do'ahou."

"Please, search mine first," Larry Stu volunteered, completely adhering to his Good Samaritan image.

I chuckled. Little did Larry Stu know what was in store for him!

"Nyahahaaa, search mine first, I have a clear conscience…" Sakuragi emptied his bag for us to see.

_What's this?_

I picked up a photograph from the floor.

"A photo of Haruko!"

"Oi! Give it back!"

"Do'ahou."

Rukawa then emptied his bag. Mitsui followed.

"Well, then I'll go next," Larry Stu said, and emptied his bag.

"AHA! There they…" My voice trailed off. There was nothing. Our mouths hung open.

"It's your turn, Miyagi." Larry Stu smiled.

I opened my bag with frenzied fingers. And there they all were!! The "loot" was in my bag!

The guys looked worried, save for Larry Stu. 

"Aren't you going to empty it?"

"Uhh…"

I looked at Mitsui, desperate for a way out.

"Oh wait, I forgot! My cans of Pocari Sweat are at home…"

Mitsui nudged Sakuragi.

"Tensais can be forgetful sometimes… I just remembered I found my pencil case yesterday…"

"I didn't buy socks."

_What a mess, what a mess!_

/end of Miyagi's flashback

_Danny's ghost is out to get me. I'm sure of it!_

**Mitsui**

Well, Plan A backfired. Not only did we fail to drive Larry Stu out, we had to endure his little talk about kleptomania, which lasted about half an hour. Asshole.

"What did I get for helping you all?" Shizuka asked angrily. "A mouthful of Larry Stu's saliva and god-knows-what-else!"

"I thought you'd have been delighted to receive a mouthful of his bodily fluids." Rukawa's voice came, calm and reserved.

"Shut up, it's all your fault!"

"It's your fault."

"Your fault!"

"Little Red Riding Hood."

"Can you speak in proper sentences, boy?"

"Cut it out!!" I made my voice heard above the brewing argument. "Now, it's time for Plan B."

"Plan B?!" Shizuka said indignantly. "Are you mad? Look at what Plan A got me! What's next, Larry Stu's puke?"

"Mitsui, if Shizuka won't help you, I will." Said Yuko. "Larry Stu spoke ill of my tea yesterday. He sucks!"

This came as a surprise. _Yuko actually has a mind of her own!_

"So, what's Plan B?" Asked Miyagi.

"Hey, I came up with Plan A, didn't I? It's your turn to come up with Plan B!"

30 minutes and 30, 000, 000, 000 dead brain cells later

"I got it!" Miyagi exclaimed triumphantly.

We all gathered round in expectation of a foolproof master plan.

Miyagi cleared his throat. "We need spies to find out what he's scared of, and then we'll stock lots of his worst fears in the basketball court…" 

"Do'ahou."

"So, if he's scared of maggots and caterpillars, we'll let those icky things infest the basketball court?" Youhei said, shaking his head.

"Well, does anyone have a better plan?" Miyagi said.

Silence.

"Ok, ok, we'll go with your plan. So, you mentioned spies…" I said.

We all turned to look at Shizuka and Yuko.

"What?" Shizuka snapped. "I'm not helping!"

"Me me me!!" Yuko exclaimed. "I'll help!"

Shizuka knocked Yuko's head.

"Don't be stupid, we've nothing to gain!"

Yuko sulked.

The next day at school

**Shizuka**

So, I joined the Larry Stu fan club and agreed to help those twits out of the pure kindness and generosity of my heart. Ok, so maybe they promised a limited edition Ramones record. But I'm still kind and generous. Mwahahaaa. I'm gonna get the limited edition Ramones record! Yipeee!!

(a/n: the Ramones = punk band, credited for starting punk music and style)

I strolled my way to the venue of the first official meeting of the Larry Stu fan club, all the while thinking of my precious new record.

"So, umm, does Larry Stu – " I'd arrived at my destination, a classroom full of airheads.

"Larry dear," The airhead I was conversing with corrected irritably.

_Oh, right. How could I forget?_ #1 of the club rules: No calling Larry by his full name, Larry dear or just plain Larry would be gooder.

Yeah, they said "gooder". Looks like "Larry dear" needs to bestow his fan club with a dictionary and a "First Aid for English" this Christmas.

"Ok, so, does Larry dear have, umm, any fears?"

"Of course not! Larry is so brave, so – so – shee-va-rus –"

I think she meant "chivalrous."

"- Larry, my knight in shining armor…"

Eeps. I walked away in search for a more intelligent airhead. This was, of course, futile.

At training

**Rukawa**

We held a little meeting in the locker room again, regarding Larry Stu of course.

"Shizuka couldn't tell us anything. Now what?" Miyagi said, frustrated.

"LARRY STU SUCKS!!!" Sakuragi exclaimed loudly. "Why don't we just tell him?"

"Shhh, Sakuragi! He may be outside!" Miyagi exclaimed quietly.

Mitsui snorted. "It's true, anyway! I wonder why so many girls are smitten with him."

"You're jealous?" I asked, a little amused.

"N-No! Of course not!"

Just then, someone knocked on the door.

"Hey… it's me, Larry. Can I come in?"

We looked at each other and shrugged. Mitsui opened the door.

"Mitsui…" Larry began. "I overheard everything."

Everyone shuffled uneasily at this announcement (except me, of course).

"I never thought…" Larry's voice trailed off. He sounded like there was something stuck in his throat.

Mitsui just snorted.

"Now you know." Mitsui said coldly.

"Yes, and I'm so –" he paused, as if looking for a word. "So… thrilled!"

_WTF? Thrilled?_

He took Mitsui's hand.

"So you've always been jealous of my female fans! Don't worry, Mitsui, I won't talk to them again. I've always loved you, and I'm so happy that you feel the same way!"

**Mitsui, Miyagi, Sakuragi and Rukawa**

_H-H-He's GAY!!_

**Miyagi**

POOR MITSUI!! MWAHAHAHAA!!

Mitsui looked horrified, and wriggled his hands out of Larry's grasp. Just then, Shizuka and Yuko appeared.

"Hey, so what about my record – " Shizuka stopped short. "What's going on in here?"

Mitsui immediately darted over to the girls.

"No, Larry, you're mistaken. I'm, uhh, I'm a _woman's man_." He added stress to the last two words of his sentence.

Sakuragi chuckled.

"Ne, Micchy! Don't lie!!" He said in between guffaws.

Mitsui turned red.

"Sakuragi!"

We were all chortling, except Rukawa. He looked positively amused.

"Re – Remember th – at –" Sakuragi clutched his stomach, unable to control his laughter. "That time whe – where y-you confessed your love to Shoi – Shoichi?"

Fresh peels of laughter echoed round the locker room.

"You backstabbers!" Mitsui accused hotly.

"We-We're just stating facts! Mwahahaa!!"

"You see, Larry, I'm a 100% man. I like women – no, I love women." Mitsui made a lame attempt at convincing Larry Stu. 

Mitsui pulled Yuko over. "See? This is my fiancée,"

Yuko blushed.

"Never mind, I'm willing to be your second one!" Larry exclaimed, undaunted.

"Uhh – I've already got a second one!" He pulled Shizuka to his side. "There! She's going to be my, umm, concubine!"

Yuko scowled. Shizuka forced a weak smile, playing along.

Larry examined Shizuka.

"But if you like her, surely you'd like me too!" Larry began. "We're not very different… Look at her! Short hair, broad shoulders, stocky arms… She just _reeks of masculinity_!"

Shizuka's face turned blacker than Justice Pao's. 

**Rukawa**

HAHAHAHAAAA!!! How right he is, Larry Stu!

"He's right, you know." I said coolly.

"Shut up, Piggyboy! Look at yourself! Long eyelashes, pale skin…" She retorted.

"I'm deaf." I replied.

She looked absolutely furious!

**Miyagi**

_O-Omg, I think I'm having a stomachache!_ Sakuragi had long succumbed to his laughter, lying face-up on the floor with all four limbs pointing up (something like a dead cockroach).

The next day at detention

"What? Larry Stu's gone?"

Larry Stu gone back to America. Joy!

"Hey, I heard he left you a letter. Let us read it!!" I said eagerly.

"Shut up… Oi! Shizuka!!"

Shizuka was raiding his bag.

"Found it!" She exclaimed, and unfolded the letter. 

"DEAREST MICCHY," She read aloud. Mitsui tried to snatch it back, and chased her round the whole classroom.

"I'M SORRY I HAVE TO GO,"

"Shizuka! Stop, NOW!!" Mitsui yelled.

We cheered Shizuka on. "Go on!!"

"MY PARENTS HAVE DECIDED TO LET ME STUDY IN AMERICA. YOU KNOW MY LOVE FOR YOU WILL NEVER CHANGE…"

Shizuka dodged as Mitsui dived at her. He fell flat on his face.

"I WILL REMEMBER YOU ALWAYS, MY LOVE. THIS IS MY EMAIL ADDRESS, PLEASE WRITE!!"

"Shizuka!!" Mitsui exclaimed.

"Hey guys, check out his email address!" Shizuka said, laughing, and handed us the letter.

Larry Stu's email address: i_love_micchy@lovemail.com

That Night

I switched on the computer. I haven't in eons! 

(opens Internet Explorer and goes to http://lovemail.com)

Lovemail.com website

Reasons for joining:

Use this email address to send emails to your loved ones, and they may return your feelings!

…

(clicks on 'Sign Up!')

Username: i_love_aya

Password: ayachan

**Sakuragi**

Lovemail.com… hmmm.

(clicks on 'Sign Up!')

Username: i_love_larry

Password: larrysux

_Heh heh…_

- 

(clicks on 'compose')

To: i_love_micchy@lovemail.com

Subject: I love you!!

Dear Larry Sweetie,

This is Micchy. I love you too, pls reply soon!!

- 

(clicks on 'Send!')

(goes back to main page and reads carefully)

Reasons for joining:

Use this email address to send emails to your loved ones, and they may return your feelings!

!!!

(Quickly clicks 'Sign up!' again)

Username: I_love_haruko

Password: harukochan

(clicks 'Ok!')

…

_We're sorry, only one account is allowed. You have already signed up as i_love_larry. Click here to access your inbox!_

-

_Arghh!!!_

(tears hair out)

**Author's note:**

The end of chapter 9! Another long chapter – 10 pages =D Hope you all liked it. 

Liverpool vs Manchester United tomorrow, can't hardly wait!! I think Man Utd might win though… Liverpool's having a bad run, and an unconvincing 1-0 win in midweek isn't really enough to break the spell, I guess =(

1 Dec: Fixed some html stuff. Oh yeah, forgot to reveal a bit of what's gonna happen next, lest nobody bothers to come read anymore, heh. In the next episode/chapter, the gang (the whole bunch of them - something like the 'bookworm gang' LOL. Anybody used to read it?) goes for the full-dress rehearsal for the Kanagawa Charity concert. So, watch out for it! I won't update till late next week though... I'm off to camp for the whole of this week. No access to computers at all! * flips over and dies * 

And now, some replies... 

Lambie: haha, yeah! Righty… now Larry Stu's gone, heh.

Unchained: YEAH!! You'll Never Walk Alone!!

Tensaispira: Calm down! Hehe =D I hope you laughed as much reading this chapter!

Janice: Thanks for reviewing!

Kiwigal: You watch it too? Hehe! 

Fourteen: Nah, it's ok! I don't really like Yuko either, she's just okay. =P

sLL: Yeah, I modeled him after Lockhart, heh! 

Rei-Leviathan-chan: * jumps excitedly * Yes! Yes! War of the Genders! =D If there were a girl LarryStu-proof… that wouldn't be Larry Stu already, would it? Hehe.

Lady Artemis: Aw, thanks :D

Eliar Swiftfire: Were the previous chapters that bad? * sniff * nah, kidding. I just went through the previous chapters the other day, and they seemed… uhh… kinda sucky. Well hopefully my writing'll get better!! 

Yeah NBA is too fast… Slam Dunk is quite slow… 2 seconds can take up like, a few pages =P but that's what make it nice… all the elaborate details, heh =)

Keaxy: Yes, War of the Genders!

a-sendoh07: Hehe, thanks!

Kka: Err… hairy foot - me? Hmm. * checks foot * I think you've got the wrong person… ^___^;;


	10. We Love the Beatles

**The Detention Diaries**  
Chapter Ten: We Love the Beatles (I'm running out of witty titles) 

**Shizuka**

"Shizuka, you stink." Youhei remarked, pinching his nose.

"Really?" I replied. I sniffed at my sleeve. "Oh, it's just my clothes."

You see, I'm in the habit of just donning whatever clothes I see first, and usually these are the clothes on the floor. I know what you're thinking. _Eww_. 

Youhei sighed.

"Who else are we waiting for?" I asked, eager to change the subject. 

"Sakuragi, Mitsui and Ryota aren't here yet. Those three bummers!"

We arranged to meet outside the arcade at 10am in the morning. Full-dress rehearsals for the Kanagawa Charity Concert began at 11 in some grand concert hall not too far away from here. We were running late, though. It was already 10.30am. So, Youhei, me, and the rest of the gang continued to squat by the roadside, awaiting their arrival.

"Oi! Don't squat here, you're affecting my business!" The boss from one of the shops came out and chastised us, wagging his intimidating forefinger vigorously at us. The guys were about to pick a fight, when Mitsui and Yuko appeared.

"You twits! You're half an hour late!" I exclaimed reproachingly.

"It's all her fault, don't look at me like that!" Mitsui said, disgusted. "She insisted I down her pig's liver soup before leaving the house." He grimaced at the very memory.

Yuko paid no attention to his outbursts, and instead rushed excitedly over to me.

"Shizuka, Shizuka!" She gushed happily, "Guess what? Mitsui's lifted the 'stay-3-metres-away-from-me rule!" 

I rolled my eyes. "There shouldn't have been such a rule in the first place." I said coldly. Yuko ignored my remark, and shoved a huge paper bag into my arms.

"Oh, cool! Are these the costumes?" Youhei exclaimed.

Yuko nodded proudly, while Youhei dug through the heap of costumes eagerly for his.

"So, have you seen your costume yet?" I sniggered at Mitsui.

"Don't rub it in," He snapped back.

"Touchy!" I replied, still sniggering.

He snorted and looked away, embarrassed. _Granny Mitsui! Would you imagine that! _I chuckled to myself. _Too bad I can't see Rukawa in the Little Red Riding Hood costume…_

I sighed wistfully. _Will that pig even be coming today…?_

**Miyagi**

Sakuragi and I ran as fast as we could towards the assembled crowd. I had stayed over at Sakuragi's place the night before, spending the time chatting to Larry Stu online (posing as Mitsui, of course).

"Hey!!" Youhei called, waving frantically. "You guys are finally here!"

We approached them and uttered some lame apologetic remarks in between gasps for air.

"W-we missed the bus –"

" – So we thought, what the heck, and just ran all the way here,"

Mitsui shook his head and muttered something that sounded suspiciously like "cock-a-mania". I told you he had a penchant for coming up with weird words and phrases.

"So," Sakuragi rubbed his hands together with glee, "where's my costume?"

Sakuragi, Mitsui and I walked over to an over-stuffed paper bag that looked like it was about to burst. Shizuka was squatting down on the floor, staring into space with a funny expression fixed on her face. She was frowning a little, and her lips pursed up in thought. She looked a little sad. _She's probably thinking of Danny the cockroach._

"Shizuka? Shizuka!" Mitsui and Sakuragi were examining her like she was some weird species from the zoo.

"Oi!" Mitsui exclaimed, and hit her head (in a fashion that somehow reminded me of the way Gori used to hit Sakuragi and I). She yelped.

"What?" She mumbled irritably, rubbing her head ruefully.

"You looked… dazed. Like you were lovesick or something."

The words obviously struck a nerve. Shizuka's cheeks turned pink and she hastily muttered "nonsense".

Sakuragi and Mitsui looked at each other, surprised. 

"You're really lovesick?"

"Rubbish!" Came her vehement denial.

"Then why are your cheeks pink?"

"W-well, the weather's hot," She said unconvincingly.

"I wonder who's the _lucky_ guy…" Mitsui struggled to keep a straight face. I noticed that he had his fingers crossed behind him.

_Hmmm. If Shizuka's thinking of Danny and she's lovesick…_

Suddenly, I had a fleeting vision of Shizuka and Danny the Cockroach walking down the aisle, Shizuka dressed in a white wedding gown while Danny had a mini bowtie just below his feelers. Everyone stood up to applaud the couple. Half the audience were cockroaches. They were Danny's friends and relatives, I suppose. It's funny, these silly thoughts one has.

"W-we're running late. Let's go." Shizuka said, recovering some composure.

"Wait, I want to see my costume first," I said with a tinge of anxiety. I hoped it wasn't too corny. _But then again, how un-corny-ish could a red cloak with a hood get?_ _Oh man, I hope Aya-chan doesn't see me in it._

"It won't be." She said.

"I'm not going to wear anything too corny."

"Yeah," She said absent-mindedly.

She still seemed to be brooding over something, and for most of the journey was rather listless. She got better towards the end, though.

We reached the concert hall after a 40-minute journey. Fortunately, we weren't the only ones late. Not-so-fortunately, we ran into the people from Ryonan and Kainan (namely that hairy, ugly git Kiyota and the smiling idiot Sendoh, who, by the way, had his hair down for once).

"HAH! You monkey, you still owe me the money for the train fare!" Kiyota exclaimed at once when he spotted Sakuragi. "You said you'd pay me back with interest!"

"You stupid fool, when did I ever say that?" Sakuragi replied, and an argument between the two monkeys ensued. 

**Shizuka**

"So nice to see you here, Mitsui Hisashi." 

A youngster walked over to us with a smile plastered on his face, one hand stuck in his pocket. His hair fell in wisps over his forehead, and he had an extremely charming manner. He was dressed in a suit, and looked very important indeed.

"Akira Sendoh." Mitsui nodded in recognition and said in a dismissive manner.

Sendoh looked around.

"Rukawa's not with you all?"

"No." Mitsui sounded positively unfriendly.

"So, you all are performing?" He asked, and looked around our group.

"Yeah, and it's none of your business, I suppose." Mitsui said coldly. 

I decided that since Mitsui obviously didn't like him, he most probably isn't Mr. Nice Guy.

**Mitsui**

"I see. Well, just thought I'd tell you that I'm the host for the show," Sendoh said smugly. 

"Didn't know the organizers were so desperate." I said shortly. 

"At least they weren't so desperate as to get someone like – say – Rukawa," He replied, still smiling.

_Actually, he's right. _I could hardly imagine Rukawa as a host.

Mitsui's imagination

// Welcome to "Who Wants To Be A Millionaire"! And now – your host! Kaede Rukawa!!//

(Rukawa walks onto the stage and slumps into a chair.)

Producer #1: I thought he was supposed to boost ratings? Why's he sleeping?!?

Producer #2: Shit, he's sat on the wrong chair! That's the chair for the contestants! Someone wake him up and ask him to move!

(Rukawa wakes up groggily under prompting.)

"Fastest… finger… firssss…"

(Rukawa falls back into deep slumber, mouth slightly open and drooling.)

Producer #1: He has such a bad sleeping posture, ugh!!

Producer #2: Yeah, and he's drooling all over the place! 

(The question is now flashed on screen, as well as to the contestants.)

Question: Please place the following people from the cutest to the ugliest.

Hanamichi Sakuragi

Takenori Akagi

Hisashi Mitsui

Rukawa Kaede

Contestants: This is such a stupid question!! Of course dearest Kaede-kun comes first, and Sakuragi that redheaded monkey will be last!

(contestants wave "RUKAWA IS EVERYTHING" banner)

"Unfortunately, nobody got the answer right." 

A deep and manly voice boomed. A handsome, suave, charming, attractive, gorgeous, sexy and perfect man steps onto the podium.

"And now, let us see the correct answer!"

Correct answer: Hisashi Mitsui comes first, and then… (the answers follow)

"Let me introduce myself. My name is Hisashi. Hisashi Mitsui. Code name 0014." The man announced impressively. "And I will be your new host from now on."

(cheers and applause from the audience.)

/end of imagination

**Yuko**

Mitsui looks like he's just won the Manhunt competition. He has a silly sort of grin plastered on. Strange. 

**Mitsui**

Yuko brought me back down to earth with a "helloooo??"

"What?"

"It's time to change now," She reminded.

"Ok, ok." I got my costume and headed for the changing room. _This is such a disgrace. Me! Starring as the granny!_

I shook my head miserably.

**Shizuka**

5 minutes later

Oh man, I can't wait to see all of them in their costumes! They'll look sooo stupid.

"Ehh, Yuko!" Sakuragi came out of the changing room first. Clad in a white singlet (like those worn by old men) and a pair of baggy Bermudas, he looked like a fishmonger. "Why is my costume like that?!"

"But you're supposed to be a hunter, right?" Yuko replied.

"Nyahaha, Sakuragi! Did you expect a superhero costume?" I snickered. I was thinking more along the lines of "the Powerpuff Girls"-type of superhero costume. I can just imagine Sakuragi, Mitsui and Miyagi as the Powerpuff Girls…

_Fighting crime, trying to save the world_, _here they come just in time, the Powerpuff girls!!_

Mwahaha.

"Of course!" Sakuragi replied indignantly. "I'm supposed to be the star of the show, right?"

Speaking of "the star of the show", Miyagi came walking sulkily out. 

**Miyagi**

"Miyagi! I nearly couldn't recognize you!" Shizuka exclaimed. 

"Of course you couldn't," I snapped. "I'm hiding my face with the hood!"

"Nyahaha, Miyagi, jealous of my costume? It's so manly, isn't it?" Sakuragi seemed very proud of his costume.

"Shhhhhhh – Shut up!" I replied.

_And the worst is yet to come. We have to put on make-up!_

"You guys have it better than me!" Mitsui stomped out of the changing room. Everyone except Yuko immediately roared with laughter. Mitsui was wearing a pink, laced, long-sleeved dress, a curly gray wig and some funny thing on the head, like those nannies wear.

"Yuko! Why is my costume like that?" Mitsui demanded angrily.

_Poor Yuko! _

"You don't like it, Mitsui? Never mind, I made another one in purple, you want to try it on?" Yuko asked eagerly.

_Purple? Mitsui in purple? Isn't purple like, a color for the sexually-deprived, or something? MWAHAHAHAA!!_

"Mitsui, go on! Try the purple one on!" I encouraged, laughing.

"Yeah!" Shizuka said.

Sakuragi, as usual, was lying down on the floor like a dead cockroach, laughing like the end-of-year exams had just been cancelled.

"I AM NOT TRYING ANYTHING PURPLE ON!!" Mitsui bellowed.

And that was quite final.

**Shizuka**

The organizers were a pack of frenzied, hair-tearing, middle-aged men (it was no wonder they were balding). 

"Shohoku? Shohoku?" They asked impatiently.

"Y-yeah,"

"This way, to the backstage!" They ushered us into the backstage like a herd of mother hens.

"Ok, everybody, listen up!" They yelled. Performers from the various schools paid them attention.

"Ryonan will be performing first, followed by Shohoku, then Kainan. After that there'll be a 20-minute interval, followed by performances by Shoyo and the Kanagawa School for the Handicapped. Is that understood?"

A rather haphazard chorus of "yes" and "yeah's" followed this announcement.

"Where're are two hosts? Akira Sendoh? Mary Sue?" The producers demanded.

"Here," A girl with long, platinum blonde hair, blue eyes and fair skin replied, raising her arm lazily. 

The producers darted to her immediately. 

"Really, producers. Must I really put up with all these – these _ruffians?_" Her silky voice came. "And that Akira Sendoh, he's no good. He'll ruin everything,"

I snorted. _What a bitch._

"Now, now, Miss Sue. Sendoh's the best we've got," The producers replied soothingly.  

"Hey guys," Sendoh greeted the producers. "Hey, Miss, uhh, Sue."

Mary Sue gave him an appraising look, and looked away. I could see Sendoh was gritting his teeth and trying his best to put up with this fussy miss. He managed a smile, nonetheless.

"Well," the producers scratched their heads awkwardly. "You two can go up on stage now."

Mary Sue stood up and gracefully walked towards the stage entrance. She halted in front of me, and held up her nose.

"Oh my, you smell disgusting," She said, and scrutinized my T-shirt.

I wanted to say "you too", but decided against it. She smelled of some expensive, exquisite perfume.

"The Beatles," She shook her head. "How passé." 

With that last remark, she walked away. _How dare she insult the Beatles!!_

"The Beatles rule, sucker!!" I yelled after her.

"See? I told you this place was full of ruffians, producers." I distinctly heard her say.

"Eh," Mitsui nudged me. "You know her? She's gorgeous."

"Yeah," Miyagi said dreamily.

"She's a bit of a bitch, isn't she?" Sendoh whispered to me as he walked past. I decided Sendoh was quite nice after all. 

"Stupid oafs." I said huffily to Mitsui and Miyagi, and stalked off.

Those stupid, stupid boys! So what if she's gorgeous? She insulted the Beatles! That's no less than criminal. Hmph. One day I'll be prettier than that bitch… zzz..

Shizuka's dream

(Shizuka, Mary Sue, Haruko, and other miscellaneous girls stand in one line. All of them are wearing formal evening gowns.)

// And 2nd Runner-up for the Miss Japan pageant is… HARUKO!! //

(Haruko receives prize with delight.)

Haruko: Thank you sooo much!! Thank you!!

(Mary Sue nudges Shizuka)

Mary Sue (in a low whisper): There're only two prizes left now. Too bad you'll get none!

Shizuka (tossing her head dramatically): Let's just wait and see!

// And the 1st Runner-up for the Miss Japan pageant is… MARY SUE!!"

Shizuka: HAH! You didn't win!

Mary Sue: And neither will you!

(Shizuka tosses her head again.)

Mary Sue (forcing a smile): Thank you, everyone. And remember – world peace!

// And now, ladies and gentlemen, the moment you've all been waiting for… //

(Shizuka throws out her boobs and sucks in her stomach, in an attempt to look like a supermodel)

// The winner, of the Miss Japan pageant is… *drum roll * SHIZUKA TENDOU!! //

Shizuka (waving her hands to the screaming audience): Thank you, thank you everybody for supporting me!

(Mary Sue's mouth hangs wide open, and Shizuka throws her a see?-I-told-you-I-was-better-than-you look.)

// Let us invite Miss Shizuka Tendou to put on the tiara!! //

(Shizuka glides gracefully to ex-Miss Japan for the tiara)

// Oh no, it seems like the tiara is too small for her head, no, her head is too big for the tiara!! //

(Miyagi, Mitsui and Sakuragi suddenly appear, all laughing sinisterly)

Miyagi, Mitsui, Sakuragi: Nyahahahahaa…

(Rukawa appears)

Rukawa: Nyahahaha, shrew… mwahahaha… NYAHAHAHAAA!!

Shizuka: No, no!!

/end of Shizuka's dream

I woke up in cold sweat. _What a nightmare! How long have I been asleep?_

As I slowly regained my consciousness, I saw two freaky girls staring at me intently. I so nearly freaked out.

**Mitsui**

Shizuka's looking like she's suffered some kind of a shock.

"Oi, Shizuka!"

She frowned. "Who're you?" 

"You silly girl, this is Mitsui!"

"And this is Miyagi! Don't you recognize us?"

**Shizuka**

_Mitsui? Miyagi? I really couldn't tell, after they had, like, maybe 14562 layers of make-up slapped on._

**Mitsui**

She heaved a sigh of relief.

"Oh, I thought – " She began. "You two look like, like…"

"Like what?"

"You two look like ugly girls." She said dumbly.

WHAT THE #%*$%.

I hit her head.

"Do you know how much of this icky stuff we had to put on our faces?! And you say we're ugly!" 

"Ok, ok, whatever. Gorgeous girls." She said, her voice dripping with sarcasm. Sarcasm, however, is wasted on Miyagi.

"Now that's better," He said, satisfied. "Anyway, what were you dreaming about just now?"

**Shizuka**

Oh no. I can't tell them about the dream. Absolutely not.

"Yeah, what?" Mitsui asked curiously. "You were grinning away, and saying 'thank you, thank you' repeatedly."

"Then suddenly you were shaking your head furiously and muttering 'no!'"

"It's just a nightmare," I said vaguely.

"Yeah right. Then what were you saying 'thank you' for?" Mitsui said, unconvinced. "'Thank you, good god, for giving me a nightmare?'"

"Oh shut up," I snapped, going red. "How long have I been sleeping?"

"Dunno," Miyagi shrugged. "The rehearsal's already over, though."

The next day at school

**Sakuragi**

"Ayako!" I called.

"What?"

"Here's a free ticket for you to go catch my heroic performance in the Kanagawa Charity Concert!" 

Ayako looked at me, doubtful.

"Really? You're giving it to me?"

I nodded furiously.

"Oh wow, thanks."

_Heh, heh, heh… _

Each performer gets five free tickets, so I'm giving one to Ayako to go see Miyagi as Little Red Riding Hood… Nyahahahaa…

**Miyagi**

I threw my 5 free tickets away. That's five less people who'll see me as Little Red Riding Hood! Thankfully Aya-chan hasn't got wind of it…

At Detention

**Rukawa**

"Hey," Shizuka said to me. 

"What?"

She handed me a ticket of some sort.

"I don't think anyone's given you one?" She said in a sneering tone. "Which is no surprise, of course."

I stared at her smirking face. What was she playing at?

"So?" I asked coolly.

She scowled at once.

"_So? So?_" She said in an incredulity that I couldn't account for, "So I'm taking pity on you by giving you one! That's what!"

I snorted.

"No thanks."

She glared at me insolently, put the ticket down on my table with a loud "bam", and stalked off.

I examined the ticket closely for any miniature explosives. None. I combed the ticket for some dumb note saying "Rukawa, you suck!". None. I scrutinized it carefully to ensure its authencity. It looked real enough to me…

_No, there must be something dangeorus about it… Don't fall into her trap again, Rukawa!_

I continued my cross-examination, not for a moment thinking that Shizuka would be so nice as to bequeath a concert ticket to me. Not that I wanted it, anyway.

**Shizuka**

I have a maddening urge to slap that boy. Can't he just accept my goodwill? And shut up? Or perhaps be, like, grateful or something? 

**(Shizuka's analogy)**

You see, when beggars get money, they don't glare at the donor rudely, and they don't ask any unnecessary questions. They just _accept the money_ and say "thank you". 

[thinks] Wait. Why am I likening Rukawa to a beggar?

Ok, you see, when pigs get their food, they don't glare at the farmer rudely, and don't... err, snort unnecessarily. They just eat the food and give a.. umm, snort of thanks. A snort of grattitude. 

[turns to look at Rukawa]

And they certainly don't check their food for poison.

**(end of analogy)**

I don't have any hidden agenda or motive, of course. This is purely because I'm a kind and generous person. Yeah… I'll be getting the Good Samaritan of the Year award anytime soon.

"So, Shizuka," Said Shoichi.

"What?" I snapped.

"Could you _pleeease_ give me a ticket too? I'd really love to go –" He whined.

"Shut up."

The night of the concert

"Eh? Ayako!" I waved to her.

"Shizuka!" She exclaimed, slightly relieved, and found her way to me through the crowd.

We all arrived individually, and many people were already lurking outside the hall, waiting for the doors to open. The concert would begin in about 45 minutes. _These people sure are early!_

"Let's go backstage," I told her. "I've got the backstage pass. Then we can go see everyone in their costumes!"

"Oh, okay."

Ayako looked very cool and sweet in her white dress. I could just imagine Miyagi's eyes turning into hearts-shaped things when he saw her…

"You'd love to see Miya –" I stopped short.

I think I saw him.

**Ayako**

I wonder what she was going to say about Miyagi.

"Shizuka? You were saying…?"

She was tiptoeing, as if searching for someone.

"You looking for someone?" I asked.

"No." She replied immediately, with rather (I thought) unnecessary abruptness. She then broke into a smile.

"Come, let's go…" She said, and led me backstage.

Backstage

_Wow, it sure is crowded down here…_

I saw many familiar faces, like Koshino from Ryonan, dressed like a gentleman from the Victorian era. Sendoh was there too, together with a very lovely girl. _I haven't spotted anyone from our school yet, though._

**Producers**

"I don't care." Mary Sue said stubbornly.

_Oh no… not another one of her Babara Streisand tempers…_

"Please, Mary," we pleaded. "You can't walk out on us now!"

"Oh yes I can," She said coolly. "Look what a lousy job they did with my hair!"

Mary turned to glare at the hairstylists.

"Mary, please…"

"Please, Mary…"

"No, no, no." Mary ignored our pleas. "I'm not going on stage with this hair!"

"There's nothing wrong with your hair." Sendoh said, annoyed. 

Mary narrowed her eyes at him.

"What do you know? You lousy, low-class –"

Sendoh turned to us, shaking his head.

"You know what, producers? If she stays, I go."

Why are we not surprised? Sendoh was already so tolerant with his co-host.

"But you can't walk out on us, Sendoh! You must host it with Mary Sue! Where are we going to get a replacement at this time?" We were on the verge of going hysterical. 

_This is really not a good time for our two hosts to act like divas! _

It was really such a pity. We heard there was an absolutely drop-dead gorgeous guy in Shohoku called Larry Stu, he would've been a perfect match with Mary Sue. Too bad, we heard he's gone back to America.

**Ayako**

Sendoh grabbed Shizuka by the hand, and dragged her away.

"Hey!" I exclaimed, and grabbed her other hand. "Where're you taking her?"

He tugged.

"Somewhere,"

A thousand twisted thoughts of what Sendoh was going to do flooded through my mind. 

I tugged.

"She's not going anywhere with you!"

He tugged.

"Oh yes she is,"

**Shizuka**

One word can pretty much sum up my predicament now. 

_OUCH._

Do I look like a brown piece of twisted rope to them? A rope that they can play tug-of-war with?

**Ayako**

Sendoh won. I didn't think she'd be harmed anyway, I heard him saying something about a stand-in. 

**Shizuka**

"Eh, let go," I demanded. Sendoh didn't, and dragged me all the way to the producers.

"She could stand in for Mary," Sendoh told them.

_Me? Stand in for WHO?_

**Sendoh**

Mary Sue looked absolutely furious. Brilliant! Her mouth opened, but no sound came out.

"So? We've already found a stand-in, Miss Sue. Why don't you, like, piss off, or something?" I said smugly.

Her pretty face screwed up in a contortion of anger.

"Well?" I demanded. "It was nice working with you, Miss Sue. Goodbye."

I smiled and extended out my hand for a handshake.

"You all are going to regret this, you all will. Mark my words!" She said through gritted teeth, and walked off in a huff.

_Oh, this is joy; this is ecstasy. _

**Shizuka**

_I am Mary Sue's STAND-IN. Am I supposed to be highly flattered?_

I did enjoy seeing the look on her face, though.

The producers took my hand and shook it pompously.

"Nice to be working with you." They said solemnly with a nod.

I smiled back weakly at them.

"Hmmm…" The producer looked closely at me. "You're a girl?"

I frowned at him.

"What do I look like to you?" I said flatly.

"Well, you'll have to do, I guess." The producer looked at me as if I were a pile of dung.

I nudged Sendoh.

"I don't remember consenting to this," I whispered wryly.

He cleared his throat. "I don't remember you objecting to this." 

Well actually, I was rather excited. _Me! A host!_ I grinned happily in spite myself. I was finally going to get my moments of fame!

**Ayako**

I squinted at my ticket. _Row 17 Seat 6…_

The doors were already open to the audience; so many people were filing in, searching for their seats. I found mine in quite a short time, thankfully.

I wonder what's Miyagi acting as? I wonder what our whole play is about.

A familiar figure dropped down on the seat 2 places away from me. There was an empty seat between us (I think that seat was meant for Shizuka).

"Ru… Rukawa? Is that you?"

**Rukawa**

Oh goody. Even Ayako is here! Surely this isn't some kind of a ploy to get me humiliated… That means I've wasted my time. I came here with the sole purpose of finding out what the hell was in store, just to satisfy my curiosity. Clearly, I was wrong.

Zzzz…

**Author's note:**

First of all… Sorry for the delay! It's been more than a week. Gomen!

Second of all… Sorry if this chapter is not up-to-standard. Writer's block, I guess? Let's just hope the next chapter will be better, yeah? =(

Third of all... Does anyone in Singapore watch Ch U's "Romance of the Book and Sword"? Don't you all think that Kasili (or Princess Xiangxiang/Princess Fragrance) is the paragon of marysue-ism? 

Hmmm. After Larry Stu, Mary Sue has a short stint in this story, too. I'm just too lazy to think up names. Heh. 

Thanks for all your support and reviews:

lambie: hopefully this chapter makes you go "aha, ahaha, ahahahahahahahaha!" again!

sLL: oh no, don't die! You have to keep on reading! ^^

ac: I hope Rukawa was alright in this chapter! But actually, there isn't much of Rukawa in this chapter…

unchained: Do you really? That's great! Hopefully your sensed hilarity will materialize… =D

kiwigal: thanks, please keep on reading! I'll email you ^^

tensaispirai: Yeah, Larry's gay! Mary's not lesbian, though… wahahaa. Just like in Robbie Williams' "Love Supreme"… _All the handsome men are gay…_

fourteen: never underestimate a man driven to desperation ;D

kkk: (solemnly) May God bless America. Keke. Joking!

a-sendoh07: thanks for spotting the error! It's corrected. I could do with a bit more of this error-spotting, ya know… * hint hint *

Anime Sk8er Chic: you compared me to renei! How very flattering =D

yelen: Mitsui has gotta have a fiancée because I needed someone to make their costumes… kidding. Ahahahehe =P


	11. Ouch

**The Detention Diaries**   
Chapter Eleven: Ouch 

**Shizuka**

I finally know how Mitsui and Miyagi felt that day. All this make-up is driving me insane. My face feels like it's about to crack, and I look like a Goth with jet-black eyeliner.

What is this, Halloween?

Well, I guess I should be thankful they didn't heap on too much blusher. I don't want to look like a China doll, thank you very much.

**Sendoh**

I'm not sure if I picked the right person for the job. I was simply _hopping mad_ – except I didn't hop – so I just randomly picked someone to get Mary Sue out of the way. I remembered she was the poor, smelly girl that was made victim to Mary Sue, so I suppose that played a part. Let us, the long-suffering victims of Mary Sue-ism, unite!

I flashed her one of my million-dollar grins.

She smiled back at me stiffly, her smile resembling cracks on a stone. She reminded me of the sphinxes in Egypt.

I don't think I picked the right person.

**Shizuka**

After the make-up was done, they shooed me off to the changing rooms to change. There was just one problem – they didn't give me anything to change into.

"Oh, of course! How stupid of us. Come now, this way," The Producers whisked me off to where the wardrobes were.

**Sendoh**

"Sendoh! What d'you think if she wears this?" the producers called.

Shizuka was wearing a halter sort of dress. Her shoulders were _waaay _too broad. Not nice.

Shizuka was wearing a skin-tight dress ending way above the knee. Her thighs were _waaay_ too muscular. Not nice.

Shizuka was wearing a short-sleeved, knee-length dress. Although she had stocky arms, I thought that this was the best outfit among the three. She would wear this one, then.

I couldn't help but notice that when she walked, her leg muscles became very apparent. Her legs were slim, but when she walked, the muscles sort of, like, bulged out like the eyes of a bullfrog. Scary.

**Shizuka**

Shoulders too broad. Thighs too muscular. 

Did that stupid, smiling idiot have to criticize everything?

**Ayako**

"Ayako-san!" A sweet, female voice rang out. I turned round.

"Haruko-chan!"

Haruko beamed at me. "You're here too?"

"Yep, Sakuragi gave me a ticket," I replied.

"Sakuragi-kun gave me one too! It's so exciting, ne? I wonder what they're going to perform," 

"You can sit here, beside me," I pointed to the seat between Rukawa and I and winked. She went red at once.

"Really? Thank you…" 

Haruko made her way to the seat and dropped down delicately, blushing furiously the whole time.  

**Rukawa**

Gori's sister is sitting beside me. She's the one that's crazy about me, I know. I know! People always think I'm a blockhead, that I don't know what's going on. But in reality, _they_ are the blockheads for thinking _I_ am a blockhead. 

I think there's one right beside me now.

_Hmmm. _All this is very fishy. Why did Shizuka get me here just to let Haruko get near me? Is she trying to be the matchmaker, or something?

That's enough thinking for now. Zzzz…

// Welcome, every _ONE!!!!_ to the Kanagawa High Schools' Charity Concert! //

I woke up with a jerk. The PA system had gone cranky, so that "ONE!!!!" was extremely high-pitched and eardrum-destructive.

_Why did I ever come to this shit?_

// And now, your hosts – Akira Sendoh and Shizuka TenDOU!!!! //

I raised an eyebrow. Sendoh and Shizuka? So Shizuka was trying to set me up with Haruko while she went off with Sendoh. Was it like that?

I felt a little uneasy. Shizuka was clinging on to Sendoh like he was her everything. How romantic – even their names rhymed – Sendoh and Tendou.

I rolled my eyes.

**Shizuka**

I don't know how to walk in heels; I don't want to fall down on stage…

So I clung on to Sendoh for dear life.

"What's the matter with you?" He hissed.

"I can't walk in heels," I hissed back. "Be helpful!"

I peered down at the audience, and found Ayako with just a little difficulty. I owed her an explanation. Next to her was Haruko, and next to Haruko was…

_OH. So it's really like that... I see now, I do._

I could almost imagine what she would be whispering into his ear a minute later.

_"Rukawa… your snores are as melodious as Beethoven's 9th symphony…"_

And perhaps…

_"Rukawa… your drool is like the water running from a river, as clear as an unmuddied lake, as clear as an azure sky of deepest summer…" _*

Sendoh cleared his throat, and I chucked all ridiculous thoughts out of my mind.

"Well, well, ladies and gentlemen. You're in for an entertaining ride! Am I right, Shizuka?" He said theatrically.

_Shucks, what am I supposed to say?_

"Right you are," I tried to sound as witty as possible. 

There was a brief moment's pause.

"You're supposed to introduce the programs, idiot!" He whispered without moving his lips too much, maintaining a smile.

"Umm, first off we have, uhh –" I broke off awkwardly, forgetting who was slated to perform first.

This was turning out to be a major catastrophe – it was supposed to be my stage debut, my passport to fame…

"We have Ryonan High to perform the Shakespeare classic, Romeo and Juliet!" Sendoh saved my ass.

With that announcement, we walked to the backstage as the curtains rose.

"You are suppose to be _witty_," Sendoh told me. "Witty." He said again.

_Wittiness_. How can that be achieved…?

Shizuka's imagination

Ten Shizukas stood in a circle, with Sendoh in the middle.

"Wit! C'mon, wit!!" He cried.

Shizukas start clapping and stomping their feet, moving in a circular motion.

"Oom, pa pa! Oom, pa pa! Come, wit, come!! May God bestow upon us the gift of wittiness!!"

/end of imagination

I rolled my eyes.

"Oh!" I said after about 20 minutes had elapsed. "Juliet's dying!"

And before I knew it, I was back on the dizzy heights of the stage.

"Next up is a performance by Shohoku High." Sendoh paused, indicating my turn to speak.

_Go, Shizuka! Go, my dear witty wits, go!_

_BE WITTY!!!_

I inhaled deeply.

"Their play is respectively dedicated to the masters of fantasy and storytelling – Hans Christian Anderson, the Brothers Grimm…" I paused, not knowing what to say next. An idea suddenly sprung up to my mind.

"And any politician of your choice." I added.

The audience laughed heartily. 

"Let's welcome Shohoku High, with their adaptation of Little Red Riding Hood!" Sendoh finished, and we walked away.

"Witty enough for you?" I snarled.

"Yes, I think so," He grinned.

I'd love to see Rukawa grin like that.

_Oh wait, what am I thinking? He probably thinks himself too handsome to smile._

**Miyagi**

I peered into the mirror with immense satisfaction. With all the heavy make-up and costumes, nobody would be able to tell it was _I_, manly Miyagi! Surely, no one could tell. Even Shizuka couldn't the other day. 

**Mitsui**

I never knew Miyagi was such a prissy vain pot. All throughout the day he was fussing about the state of his make-up, and stuff like that. And now he's admiring himself in the mirror.

He'll be announcing his sex change anytime soon.

"Oi, Miyagi!" I called. "You're to go out on stage now, you bozo."

With one last, satisfied glance into the mirror, he left for the stage.

**Ayako**

So they're performing Little Red Riding Hood. How… childishly amusing.

**Rukawa**

Little Red Riding Hood trotted onto the stage. I thanked the Heavens inwardly for giving me a doctor for an uncle, if not that cloaked thing on stage would have been me…

_Phew._

**Ayako**

That Little Red Riding Hood… she reminds me of someone. She looks suspiciously like… like…

_I can't tell!!_

Just someone I know…

Oh, there's Mitsui as the granny, I think. And there's Youhei as the wolf. 

Little Red Riding Hood: Oh, what big ears you have!

_And that voice… though it's distorted to become a little high-pitched…_

_WHO?_

**Sakuragi**

Finally, it's my turn to go on stage!! Nyahahahaa!! Tonight the world will know the prowess of super tensai's acting skills!!

I burst onto stage.

"Do I find you here, old sinner! I have long sought you!!" I boomed.

**Youhei**

That idiot! Does he really need to yell his guts out? My ears hurt!

After all the performances

**Miyagi**

_Hah! I bet nobody could recognize me up there! _

"Why looking so smug, Miyagi?" Mitsui asked flatly.

I smirked and verbally repeated my sentiment. Mitsui raised an eyebrow.

"Oh?" His tone totally wiped the smirk off my face.

"You aren't going to tell everyone, are you?" I croaked.

"You can count on me," he said, putting an arm round my shoulder, "but I'm not sure about them," he pointed in Sakuragi's direction.

_Oh!_

**Rukawa**

// And now, ladies and gentlemen, the awards for tonight! //

Shizuka and Sendoh re-appeared on stage. I swear, the sight of them made me sick.

Or was it the sight of them _together_?

I quickly re-organized my thoughts. It isn't my business if they're seeing each other. No.

In fact, who bloody cares? Not me.

**Mitsui**

Awards? They never mentioned anything about awards. 

"And the best play for tonight goes to…"

I could hear Shizuka's voice from backstage. Funny, how she came to be the host.

"Antony and Cleopatra! Kainan!!"

Kiyota fought off the whole cast from Kainan to scramble eagerly (and successfully) to receive the prize. He returned a minute later, delightfully showing off the award to Sakuragi.

"And the best actress award goes to… Miaka Onno of Ryonan!"

That was the girl that played Juliet. Romeo was Koshino. 

"The best actor of tonight is…" Came Sendoh's voice. Sakuragi was already making his way towards the stage.

"LITTLE RED RIDING HOOD! Ryota Miyagi of Shohoku High!!"

My jaw dropped.

**Miyagi**

My jaw dropped. Me? Best actor? 

All my efforts gone to waste!! Everyone now knows that Little Red Riding Hood was me! Argh!!

**Mitsui**

_MWAHAHAHAHAAAAA!!!!_

Miyagi went up on stage, received his prize and darted quickly back down, all the while covering his face with the hood. 

Poor Miyagi!

Nyahahahaaa!!

**Ayako**

Oh! So that's why I found Little Red Riding Hood so familiar! It's Miyagi! Haha!!

Buffet

**Rukawa**

"Umm… Rukawa-kun?" 

Gori's sister began tentatively. She was as red as a potato. No, wait. It's tomatoes that are red, right? 

"What?" I snapped.

"Y-you want to join us at the buffet?"

"No." I said coldly, and walked off. Just then, I saw Shizuka and Sendoh walking towards the buffet tables. Shizuka was, again, clinging on to him like a baby koala to its mother. _Mother Koala Sendoh._ Haha.

It wasn't long before I realized my feet were carrying me to the buffet tables, too. I met Haruko and Ayako there. Shizuka and Sendoh were in front of us.

"Ne, Rukawa-kun! You're here!" Haruko said, delighted. Shizuka turned around.

"Oh, Sendoh-kun! Will you go over there with me?" Shizuka said, her voice sounding very artificial.

"Uhh, ok." Sendoh said, and walked away with her.

"Let's go." I blurted out the words, and dragged Haruko with me.

"Rukawa-kun…?" She said, bewildered.

We followed them close behind, and I tried to cut in front of them so that we'd be in front in the queue.

Suddenly, I felt something on my foot. It hurt. A LOT.

I looked down and saw Shizuka's heel digging into my Nike sports shoe. She removed them, looking very smug. I cannot tell you how much I _loathed_ her at that very moment.

_Why won't God just do the world a deed by ridding it of Shizuka Tendou? The world will be a better place... God will be in his Heaven, and all will be right in the world._

"We came first," She said.

I snorted, and walked away. Haruko immediately followed.

**Shizuka**

That imbecile of a pig! How dare he walk away!

I dragged Sendoh along quickly, trying to catch up with them.

"We came first," Rukawa snarled, and stamped his foot on my bare toes.

OUCH.

I dug my heel into his shoe. 

**Sendoh and Haruko**

?

That night, in Rukawa's bedroom

**Rukawa**

I sat there on my mind, thinking, thinking. 

I looked at my foot. There was a blue-black spot on it where Shizuka's damned heel had been. 

Shizuka. What was her point, giving me that ticket? It made no sense at all, unless…

That's possible, of course. Who knows? She might be joining my fan club anytime soon. But I just can't picture her holding a flower in her hands and plucking off the petals one by one… _he loves me, he loves me not, he loves me, oh yipeee he loves me!_

I shook my head. It can't be. And besides, I saw for myself how she's gone ga-ga over Sendoh. __

_"Sendoh-kun…"_

Eeyuck. 

I retrieved the fortune-teller's stone from under my pillow and stared at it. It was as though the stone was mocking me. Sendoh and Shizuka…

The next morning

**Rukawa's housemaids**

"Hey, would you look at that!"

"Isn't that Young Master's stone he forbade us to touch?"

"Yeah I think so… I think he threw it against the wall, look at the mark here!"

"And the stone, it's smashed to smithereens…"

**

**Author's note:**

[7.25pm] This fic was edited for funniness.

Short (and sucky) chapter, sorry. I've been a little low on confidence lately. Please tell me how you like this story, is it going okay so far? Do you like it? Do you want me to continue? * sniffs *

You know, I think I suck at writing romance stuff. I should've just stuck to humor. Argh. 

Thank you for all your reviews, I really appreciate it. Hope ya'll will stick around for future chapters =)

* _as clear as an unmuddied lake, as clear as an azure sky of deepest summer_ A Clockwork Orange

Replies (added at 7.24pm)

kkk: I guess I should've named her Sally Flu, huh? Ahehe =P 

unchained: I'm glad you like it! I'm trying my utmost best not to make this love story unbelievable... and it's hard! I should've stuck to humor instead =X 

mystika: Making people laugh is my business =D (sounded like an ad slogan, eh?) Please continue reading (and reviewing, of course. *cough*)! 

sLL: Hey, that's an idea! Btw, hope you're happy... Kiyota got to go up on stage, hehe. 

Rocky: I dunno, should they end up together? 

Anime Sk8er Chic: I won't abandon this story, quit worrying =D I'm just a little nervous, though. I'm afraid there'll come a day when my fic ain't funny anymore =P 

tensaispirai: I dunno! D'you think she knows? 

kiwigal: No, no. Sendoh was just a little extra =) 

metallic gene: Thanks, and please keep reading! ;D 

a-sendoh07: Always the cockroach! Ya know, one day, all the fanfic authors should pay tribute to cockroaches for making their fic so pricelessly funny. There should be a cockroach day, or something. Hiak hiak. 

cheers,   
qian hui


	12. Miyagi's Gift

**The Detention Diaries**   
Chapter Twelve: Miyagi's Gift 

Detention Day… (I lost count)

**Miyagi**

Today, I found out about Sakuragi's treachery. He presented my beloved Aya-chan with a ticket to the concert! And Aya-chan saw me as Little Red Riding Hood! Argh.

Can't he just keep his mouth shut?

Miyagi's little experiment

Miyagi: Psst, Sakuragi! I saw Shizuka frantically going up a bus today. What d'you think she's up to?

Sakuragi: Psst, Youhei! … …

Youhei: Psst, Noma (the moustache guy)! … …

Noma: Psst, Takamiya (the fat guy)! … …

[ Takamiya's mouth forms into a huge, gigantic 'O' ]

-

Sakuragi: Psst, Mitsui!

Sakuragi: Psst, Yuko!

-

Mitsui and Takamiya: My gawd, Shizuka! What's this about you frantically wearing push-up bras? 

Yuko: The one filled with water, or the one filled with aloe Vera? If you prick the bra with a needle, will the water bag burst? Then your whole bra will be wet!

Shizuka: What in the blue hell are you talking about?!

-

Results of experiment:

Sakuragi rates ZERO on the reliable-O-meter!

/end of Miyagi's little experiment

Thankfully, Shizuka was seemed too weary to be bothered. She had dark eye rings and, evidently, not enough sleep.

"I haven't passed a single Chemistry test all term!" She exclaimed, slightly hysterical, when we questioned her. She showed us her test papers. 49, 49.5, 48. How unlucky!

"Don't bother me! I've got to study Acids and Alkalis!" She said, and so we left her alone.

But I had more important things to attend to than try and fathom the mystery of Shizuka's unpredictable mood swings. Aya-chan's birthday is only three days away!! 

"What should I get Aya-chan for her birthday, Mitsui?" I asked anxiously. 

"Hmm…" He seemed thoughtful. 

After what seemed like forever…

"Well?" I pressed on eagerly.

"You know what?" Said Mitsui. "I dunno."

"You dumbass." I replied flatly.

"Who's a dumbass?" A girl said suddenly behind us. 

"Shizuka!" I exclaimed. "Are you trying to scare the living daylights out of us? Suddenly appearing and all that,"

She frowned.

"It was just an innocent question," she said. "And anyway, what's up?"

"I thought you were very interested in Acids and Alkalis." Mitsui snickered. "Can't hold up the teacher's pet image for long, huh?"

Secretly, I agreed with Mitsui. 

She hit him. "I mean to go back to studying later." She said firmly.

"Ok, ok." Mitsui said lazily. "Our dear friend Miyagi's run into a problem. Explain, Miyagi."

"Well, Shizuka, it's like this. Aya-chan's birthday is three days away…"

"And you don't know what to get her." Shizuka completed my sentence.

"Yeah,"

She rested her arm on my shoulder.

"You see, brudda," She said in a ruff sort of manner, "it has to come from _the heart._"

"It has to come from the heart." I repeated after her.

"It has to be _sincere_," She said dramatically, with the air of a scientist explaining the beauty and wonders of Science to a mere layman she took pity on… someone like me.

I nodded dumbly. "Sincere."

A brief pause ensued as I waited eagerly for her next valuable advice.

"Well," She finally said. I nodded in expectation. "Good luck, my friend."

"Good luck – " I began.

I threw up my hands in exasperation.

"But you haven't told me _what_ to give her," I said, but she didn't hear me. She'd already scooted back to her books. 

"How dumb can you get, Miyagi?!" Mitsui was already laughing away.

"Shut up." I said gloomily.

"Eh, why didn't you ask me?" Yuko said suddenly.

_Oh yeah! Yuko!_

"Well, you know what my problem is. What d'you think?" I asked.

She tilted her head in a dignified sort of manner. 

"I think you should give her…" She paused for a moment. "Cookies! Self-baked cookies would be nice,"

"Self-baked cookies?" I asked weakly.

"Uh huh," She nodded, looking immensely proud of her contribution.

"I don't have an oven, Yuko."

"Oh." She said, faltering a little.

"You could get her a new paper fan." Mitsui suggested. "Please get her one of those soft ones. You know how much it hurts when she hits our heads with it,"

"Very funny," I snorted.

"I'm serious!!" Mitsui said indignantly.

"Miyagi, I think you can come over to our house to bake. There's an oven in our kitchen," Yuko said, brightening up at once.

After School at Mitsui's House

"Miyagi, that's sugar." Yuko stopped me in time. "_This_ is salt."

"Oh. Thanks."

"YUKO!! COME 'ERE!!" Mitsui called from his room.

"I'll leave you for awhile," She said, and scurried to Mitsui immediately. 

I stared at the huge bowl of yellowish stuff before me. 

_Will it taste nice…?_

I pinched a bit of it and put it into my mouth.

_BLEARGH._

I spat it out. Perhaps it would taste better after baking…

I read the instructions.

_3. In a large mixer bowl, beat mixture until fluffy and light._

I turned the noisy machine on.

Five minutes passed. Still not fluffy.

Ten minutes passed. Still not fluffy. What the hell was "fluffy" anyway?!

Fifteen minutes passed. _"C'MON! FLUFF UP! FLUFF UP!!"_ I urged the mixture.

_Get fluffy..._

_Fluff up..._

_BE FLUFFY..._

_FLUFFY BE..._

After half an hour

"Ok I'm back, Miyagi. How's it going?"

"It's still not fluffy!!" I said angrily. 

Yuko frowned.

"It can't be…"

She peered at the mixture in the mixer bowl.

"Did you add eggs?"

_Eggs? What eggs? _

I referred hurriedly to the recipe.

_3. In a large mixer bowl, beat mixture until fluffy and light._

I looked at the next line.

_Add 2 eggs, one at a time, beating well after each addition._

_-_

OH.

Half an hour later

"Here! Try my cookies!" I shoved a whole plate of cookies to Mitsui and Yuko.

Mitsui picked one cookie up and examined it gingerly.

"Are you sure this is edible?" He sounded doubtful.

"You chicken mama of a wuss. It's perfectly edible!"

"I'm not a wuss," he said irritably, and popped the cookie into his mouth. Yuko followed.

They munched.

And munched.

"Well?" I asked eagerly.

"Miyagi," Yuko made a face. "I think you mistook salt for sugar."

I frowned and tried one cookie for myself. 

_EEYUCK. _

"I think I'm gonna be sick," Mitsui grimaced.

** **

"Never mind, Miyagi. You can try making soup," Yuko said earnestly. "I'll teach you how to make mushroom crème soup!"

Yuko, so I heard from Mitsui, had a huge passion for making soup. Under her guidance, surely nothing could go wrong this time! Then I could invite my ladylove over for delicious soup…

For 45 glorious minutes, everything was going fine.

"Ok! Now all you need to do is to put the potato into the blender together with the mixture, and switch it on. You'll have mushroom crème soup in no time!" Yuko exclaimed cheerily. "I'll go wash up the dishes."

She turned away to the sink.

I grinned happily to myself. _My soup will be delicious!_

I poured the mixture in and added the potato.

_Ok, here goes nothing!_

I switched on the machine, and…

… …

… …

"Miyagi!!" Yuko cried.

** **

Mitsui was roaring with laughter.

"Miyagi! How could you forget to put the lid on the blender?" His eyes were already brimming with tears from laughing too much.

Argh.

**Mitsui**

Guess what? Miyagi forgot to put the lid on the blender! And the thing started blending and everything started flying out of the blender!!

_MWAHAHAHAAAA!!!_

"Really, Miyagi!" I exclaimed, still guffawing. "First the cookies, and now you're making me laugh so much! You've been too hard on my stomach!" 

Miyagi made an impatient sort of grunt. I swear, he's a walking disaster.

The Next Day After School

**Miyagi**

_Put yesterday's catastrophe out of your mind!! Live for the future, not the past…_

I desperately tried to cheer myself up.

_It's not your fault, really… it's all Yuko's fault; she didn't ask you to put on the lid._

Responsible voice: _I'm so ashamed of you, Miyagi. How could you blame Yuko? You're the only one thick enough to forget to cover the blender, Miyagi._

I sighed, stuffed my hands in my pockets and walked down the streets to the shopping mall.

_What should I get Aya-chan?_

I thought of her sweet, smiling face and my body jerks. Even when she isn't around, she manages to electrocute me…

_'Tis the power of love!!_

I browsed around the shops. Nothing seems to be good enough for her…

Just then, a T-shirt printing shop caught my eye. I went in.

"Hullo!" The boss greeted me in a jolly manner. "Want to silkscreen a tee?"

"Yes," I said. 

"Ok, will it be words, or a picture," he pushed a file full of images to me, "or both?"

"Both." I said.

Eventually I chose a picture of two hearts shot by a cupid's arrow, and the words "Miyagi loves Ayako forever".

I continued to walk around the mall, and went home with a shitload of origami paper, an origami book, and a pretty bottle.

"Now," I rubbed my hands together eagerly. "Let's see how to fold paper cranes."

At Detention The Next Day

**Shizuka**

Miyagi basically implored everyone at detention to help him fold paper cranes. 

"I have to finish 999 paper cranes by today!!" He exclaimed, a little frantic.

"Ok, ok. Calm down, we'll help." I assured soothingly.

"Good," he said, and shoved a stack of origami papers my way.

"Mitsui!" He exclaimed, and gave him a stack of origami papers too.

"Eh, I don't know how to fold paper cranes." Said Mitsui.

"I'll teach you, Mitsui!" Yuko said eagerly. "It's like this…"

So, enlisting the help of everyone, Miyagi finally finished his noble task.

(drum roll) Ayako's birthday!

**Miyagi**

I hid in a corner and watched.

"Happy birthday, Aya-chan! Look what we bought you!" Aya-chan's friends crowded round her.

"Wow! The Miss Selfridge top I've always wanted! Thanks!"

"Ayako-san!" Haruko called. "Happy birthday!"

"Thanks, Haruko-chan!" Aya-chan received the present.

"It's from Brother, Kogure and I. Go on, open it!" Haruko urged. 

"A Forever Friends bear!!" Aya-chan exclaimed. She sounded really happy.

Aya-chan continued to be showered with nice gifts throughout the day. There was an Elle handbag, a Marc Jacobs dress (gasp!), Adidas Mary Janes… 

I managed to catch her alone at recess.

"Aya-chan," I said.

"Miyagi?"

"Happy birthday." I gave her the ugly, squashed up package I clumsily wrapped up.

"Oh… thanks. Can I open it?"

"Uhhh, I suppose so." I replied, and dashed off abruptly. I'd be so embarrassed if she opened the present in front of me.

After school

Someone tapped my shoulder. I turned around…

AYA-CHAN!! 

Was she going to give me a dressing-down for my lousy gift?

She looked down on the floor, a little uneasy. I suddenly found my school shoes very interesting.

"Umm, Miyagi?" She said finally.

"Y-Yes?" I stammered.

"Thank you for the present, really." She smiled at me.

_Thump. Thump._

_Thump. Thump._

My heart felt like thumping out of my skin.

_98 Degrees – This Gift_   
_I thought I'd buy you something shiny and new_   
_I tried to find something worthy of you_   
_But I realized, when I looked inside_   
_There's some things that money can't buy_   
  


**Author's note:**

Ok, that's the end of Miyagi's little adventure. Pardon the mush! This is Miyagi, the love-struck baka we're talking about here =P

I think by now my fic can be classified into different "episodes" (Little Red Robin Hood, Larry Stu, the rehearsals, the concert), so this is one episode on its own.

Also, I'd really, really like all of you to tell me if you're for ShizukaxRukawa or not. I need to know what you all think before I continue with the storyline…

I'm seriously thinking about ditching the romance part, though. I get goosebumps writing (or typing) it =P 

Replies:

unchained: Thanks, and keep on reading! Btw, Liverpool lost again, shuckssss =(

hagane: Thanks so much for the review and email! I really appreciate feedback like that =D

tensaispirai: Sorry, I kinda forgot about Yuko for awhile, haha! But she's back in this chapter!

Lady Artemis: I'll see what everyone else says! I'm gonna have an easier time without romance :)

sLL: Ahehe, Sendoh makes a shrewd observer, right?

Yelen: Thanks for the encouragement =D 

Alexia: Thanks for reading, hope you'll continue! (don't just stop at chapter 6 * puppy dog eyes *)

kiwigal: Just my idea of a joke =P

Till the next chapter, please R&R!

Cheers,   
qianhui =D


	13. Desperate Measures

**The Detention Diaries**   
Chapter Thirteen: Desperate Measures Detention (Monday)

**Shizuka**

There's to be a Valentine's Day dance this year! We have six days to find partners. How very fun.

"So," I sneered. "How're you going to go about asking Ayako?"

Miyagi shot a glare at me.

"I'm sure I'll succeed." He replied, but there are times where confidence sounds only too artificial. After this brave front Miyagi put up, he subsequently dropped back into the background, ashen-faced and nervous. He wasn't the only one. Sakuragi, too, was fretting.

"What am I going to do, Youhei?! How am I going to ask Haruko-chan…" 

"Nyahaha, you two dweebs." Mitsui said cockily. "I'm sure I won't have any problem. Girls come flocking to me…"

"Mitsui, aren't you going with me?" Yuko asked immediately, going pale.

Mitsui frowned at her. "No."

Yuko bit her lip, looking crestfallen. 

"Whoever fails to get a partner by Friday is a big fat dweeb." Mitsui looked around the circle of people challengingly. 

"Cha!" Sakuragi made an impatient noise. "Tensai will take you on anytime!"

"W-Who's scared of whom?" Miyagi's voice came, a little shaky.

Mitsui then turned to me.

"What about you?" He asked.

Oh, the nerve! How dare he suggest that I may end up without a date?

"No problem," I said vainly.

"What about me? You haven't asked me yet, Mitsui!"

"Err, I think I won't count you in."

"Does - Does this mean you're taking me?" Yuko said hopefully.

"No," Mitsui replied flatly. "This simply means you already _are_ a big fat dweeb."

Yuko sulked.

"Shizuka, what's a dweeb?" She asked gloomily. 

"How'd I know? Mitsui makes up stupid words all the time," I replied, and turned to glare at Rukawa just for fun, half-hoping he would suddenly surprise me by asking me to the dance. No such "luck", of course.

_Who cares about Rukawa?_ I told myself. _There are better guys who'll appreciate you. Guys who don't spend half their life in dreamland._

Yuko sighed.

"I don't think I'll be able to go to the dance," She hung her head.

I frowned. "Why not?"

"Mitsui doesn't want to take me!"

I snorted.

"To hell with Mitsui, he doesn't know what he's missing. We'll find better…"

_Yes. To hell with Rukawa, he doesn't know what he's missing!_

**Rukawa**

Why the hell is everyone so uptight about finding partners for the dance? Someone please unravel the unfathomable (to me, at least), infinite excitement and pleasure of having a few dozen clumsy girls treading on your feet every minute. I know that because I've been to one once. 

It was a rainy day, and I sought shelter in one of the nearby Community Centers. It so happened that they were holding a dance. I, of course, didn't care for that. I went straight to the buffet tables where they served salami and sandwiches. The sandwiches were ok. The girls there who looked like witches were NOT. They were all giggly and their requests for my phone number were continually punctuated with "teehee!" and "heehee!" and, for the louder ones, "heehaw!!" Before I knew it I was being whizzed off to the dance floor. They were spinning me around repeatedly so I felt all dizzy and shit, and couldn't really take in what was happening. All I remembered was a constant pain on my foot.

Ok, the point is – _I'm not going_.

The next day at practice (Tuesday)

**Miyagi**

Ok. Target locked. Proceeding to target…

"Aya-chan…"

"What?"

_Breathe in, breathe out. Breathe in, breathe out._

"W-Will you go to the dance – "

I had barely finished my sentence when I felt her paper fan descend upon my head. You know, maybe Mitsui was right. Maybe I should really have gotten her a less potent paper fan. That would be most beneficial to everyone in the team…

"Don't talk about such things during training!" She reproached. "And you're the captain, for goodness' sake!"

Failed at first attempt. Never mind, _if at first you don't succeed, try again._

Wednesday

**Mitsui**

I have my sights fixed on this girl in my class, Miyuki. She's hella cute. I've been flirting with her ever since yesterday. Hopefully she gets the hint.

"Miyuki, you look gorgeous today."

"Only today?"

"You look gorgeous everyday, each day more gorgeous than the next,"

Sometimes I surprise myself by coming up with absurdly romantic lines. Anymore romantic and you could start calling me Romeo.

She giggled.

"Really?" She asked playfully.

"Yeah," I said, gazing into her liquid brown eyes. "And how do I look today?"

"Oh you handsome little punk, you!"

Man, I'm playing her like a fiddle. Well, what can I say? I'm just a natural girl-magnet. They seriously should award me for being the cutest MVP in history, or something.

Recess Time (Wednesday)

**Shizuka**

"Shizuka, what're we gonna do? Nobody's asked us yet!" Yuko asked anxiously.

I bit my lip.

"We'll hang around at the canteen, c'mon."

With that, we proceeded to the very crowded canteen. 

"What're we gonna do?!" Yuko asked for the umpteenth time.

"Why the hell are you so anxious? Look!" I urged her to behold the sight before us. "Hundreds of boys swarming around like bees! Surely there'll be some for us!"

Yuko nodded thoughtfully. "You're right."

"Ok, stand with your stomach in and chest out," I said, and we both did just that.

"Shizuka, Shizuka! That guy keeps stealing glances at us!" Yuko said excitedly after 5 minutes of trying to be mannequins.

"Who's he looking at? You or me?" I answered, equally excited. Yuko observed for a while.

"You! You!" She said.

"Oh!" I said, delighted. I observed the guy. He was quite good-looking. Oh boy!

"He's coming over! He's coming over!!" Yuko said.

"Yes, yes, I know!"

I sucked in my breath so that my stomach went inner and my chest went, err, outer.

_He's approaching… one step, two steps…_

"Excuse me," He said. 

I batted my eyelids. "Yes?"

"Umm, excuse me." He said again.

_He's so shy! Can't even muster up the courage to ask…_

"Yes?" I said again, this time almost breathlessly.

"Excuse me," He said for the third time. I frowned. "You're blocking my way."

_@!%#@$%@!_

"Oh," I said as the color rose up to my cheeks, and stepped aside for him to pass. Just then, the bell rang, signaling the end of recess.

"Shizuka, recess if over already! And that guy didn't even ask…" 

I made an impatient grunt.

"Didn't you see? His nose was off-center and he had pimples all over. Who'd want him?"

"He – he did?"

"That's why I say you're a twit, Yuko. Let's go back to class."

Detention (still Wednesday)

Mitsui was bragging about how he was going to ask this girl called Miyuki to the dance. How I wish I could wipe that smirk off his face!

"I'm going to ask her tomorrow," He said, grinning like a Cheshire cat.

Yuko, looking visibly unhappy, left the group and joined Shoichi in his own little corner. I followed quickly, before Mitsui had a chance to ask if I had gotten a date. Shoichi was fitting photographs into a neat looking photo album.

"Photos of the play, wanna see?" Yuko passed me a small stack of photographs.

"You went to the play?" I asked Shoichi.

"Yeah, my friend from Kainan gave me a ticket," he replied.

I looked through the photographs. They were mostly that of Sendoh and I. It was then that I wished I were more photogenic.

I continued to shift through the photos, and managed to find some of Shohoku's Little Red Riding Hood play. I snickered. 

There was Miyagi, barely recognizable with tons of make-up complete with a scarlet coat.

There was Youhei with his funny-looking wolf nose and whiskers.

There was Mitsui, still recognizable in his grandmother costume.

There was Sakuragi…

_WAIT._

"Yuko!" I exclaimed. "You don't want Mitsui to get a date, do you?"

"Of course not," She said sulkily.

"Then we'll have to borrow Shoichi's photos for a while…" I said, a sinister grin spreading over my face.

Thursday

**Mitsui**

"Miyuki, I've got something important to ask you," I said in my sexiest, gruff voice.

She giggled. "Yes?"

"Will you –"

"Miyuki! Come see the notice boards!" Her idiotic friends dragged her away.

_Damn. I was just about to ask!_

"Hey!" I called, chasing after the group of giggly girls. "Miyuki!"

A lot of people were crowding round the notice boards, laughing. I think Miyuki managed to catch a glimpse of the funny thing, because she then burst out in laughter as well. 

"Miyuki," I called, and pulled her out of the crowd. I couldn't be bothered with what was on the notice board. Must be some childish joke.

"Will you go to the dance with me?" 

She giggled, this time rather uncontrollably. "Well, no." She said, and left me standing there with my mouth hanging open.

_Could this have something to do with the notice boards…?_

Recovering a little from the shock of rejection, I made my way through the crowd. There were only photographs pinned up. I wonder what was so funny…

I squinted. 

_OH – MY – GOD._

I just stood there, horrified at the photos of myself in that damned grandmother costume, as the crowd started to burst into fits of giggles upon seeing me. I had just become Shohoku's resident granny. No girl would want to go to the dance with me – _now!_

**Shizuka**

Yuko was irritating me with her constant reminder, "No one's asked us yet!!"

"We- we still have 24 hours to prove that we're not big fat dweebs!" I snapped irritably in reply, but not fully believing what I had just said. It was all turning out to be quite hopeless.

**Koshino look-alike**

I beheld the beauty before me. _I had never known true beauty till this day…_

**Shizuka**

_A handsome guy's looking at me! He's looking at me!_

Yuko nudged me. I nodded in response, indicating I knew.

He walked towards me. One step, two steps…

He walked past me.

"Will you go to the dance with me?" He asked. I turned around, scowling. He was asking some pretty girl.

Basketball Practice (Thursday)

**Mitsui**

"Aya-chan…"

Miyagi the idiot scratched his head, his cheeks turning red.

"Yes?"

"Uhh, Aya-chan…"

"Yes?" Ayako said somewhat impatiently.

"Umm, Aya-chan, it's like this…" he broke off awkwardly.

"Ayako!" I called, and dragged her away, leaving Miyagi fuming at my intervention.

_If I can't get a date, Miyagi won't, either!_

After School at Shizuka's home

**Shizuka**

Ok, it's confirmed.

_I am a big fat dweeb._

I peered into the mirror. Am I very ugly?

_Yeah, probably… that's why Piggyboy prefers Haruko…_

I sniffed. _Piggyboy probably spends too much time sleeping, that's why his vision is impaired._

In what way am I inferior to Haruko?

_Ok, so my eyes aren't as big, and my hair's a messy mop, and I'm tanned, and…_

Detention (Finally Friday!)

"I'm taking Aya-chan," Miyagi announced proudly. "I asked her over the telephone last night, because some jerk – " he shot a nasty glare at Mitsui, "- kept getting in our way."

Mitsui snorted. "What about you, Sakuragi?"

"Shh, he's now in fragile mode - still nursing a broken heart." Youhei informed us. "He asked Haruko yesterday, but she was already going with someone else,"

"Big fat dweeb." Mitsui stamped the label all over Sakuragi. "Shizuka?"

"I don't have a date, fine?" I rolled my eyes, slightly embarrassed.

"NYAHAHAHAA!!" 

"Shut up." I snapped.

"Who was the one that said 'no problem'?"

I gave them an icy stare but said nothing.

"Yu- Yuko doesn't have one too." I muttered.

"Yuko's going with me!" Mitsui exclaimed. 

I turned to stare at Yuko in disbelief.

"You- I thought we were going to skip the dance together!" I blurted.

"Sorry, Shizuka," Yuko said, and looked it.

I scowled. "Traitor!" I hissed.

The night of the dance

**Akira**

Shizuka and I sat in front of the TV, watching a live telecast of a Premier League football game.

I sighed.

"If you want to go, just go! Who cares if you've got a date or not." I urged my sister. She's been pulling a long face all night.

"Shh. Listen to the commentator." She said shortly.

I rolled my eyes and fixed my concentration back onto the game. It was a derby match – the Merseyside derby to be exact. Liverpool v Everton. Derby matches are always thrilling, especially if you're rooting for one of the teams (my sister and I have been lifelong Liverpool supporters).

(a/n: derby matches are matches between two teams from the same city. For example, Liverpool and Everton both come from Liverpool. Manchester United and Manchester City both come from Manchester. Get it?)

"THAT WAS A PENALTY!!!!!" She roared, nearly bursting my eardrums. 

"No it wasn't. It was only unintentional handball, although it was in the penalty area." I pointed out to her.

"IT'S A PENALTY IF I SAY SO." She yelled into my ear.

"Ok, ok."

A telephone call came at halftime. I answered it.

"It's for you," I told her. She snatched the phone from me.

"What?" She barked into the mouthpiece.

"I won't come. Enjoy yourselves!" She said this not with goodwill but with plenty of menace and sarcasm. With that, she slammed down the phone.

"WHY THE HELL HASN'T THE GAME STARTED YET?"

"Umm, it's usually a 15-minute interval, remember?" I was starting to think that this I-can't-get-a-date-so-I'm-a-big-fat-dweeb incident had unhinged my poor sister.

She plopped back down onto the sofa and continued with her sulking. Just then, the doorbell rang. Since it was usually she who answered the door, I didn't budge.

"WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR? ANSWER THE DAMN DOOR!"

I haven't heard her yell so much since the World Cup ended. That was a traumatic experience, to say the least. 

I answered the door.

"It's you," I exclaimed, surprised.

"Who's there?" She snarled.

"What's the score like now?" Mitsui queried as the whole gang trooped in.

Shizuka frowned. "What're ya'll doing here?" She said suspiciously.

"The dance was sucky, I tell ya. So sucky, we decided to leave halfway." Miyagi replied. "The salami was horrible." He added, wrinkling his nose at the very thought.

Both Mitsui and Miyagi had their dates with them. Sakuragi and Youhei did not.

"So we've come to see you. Happy?" Youhei said soothingly.

"Don't speak like I'm in hospital." She replied, trying to hide her happiness in vain.

"Oh! The second half has started," I informed them. "Liverpool fans, hands up!"

Miyagi's hand shot up. His date - a pretty, curly-haired girl - looked up at him.

"I don't know football," She said.

"It's a nice game to watch," he replied. "I'll explain as the game goes along. For now, just raise your hand. We're rooting for the team in red!"

"BOOO!!" Mitsui and Youhei jeered. "Everton will win! Everton!"

"Liverpool!" The Liverpool fans exclaimed.

"Everton!"

"Liverpool!"

**Author's note:**

Ok, so this chapter wasn't really long, but I enjoyed writing it :) Hope all of you enjoyed reading it too. I'm sorry if ya'll got confused at the soccer part. "The team in red" Miyagi was referring to is Liverpool. The derby just took place last night. 90 minutes of heart-stopping action! I had my heart in my mouth when Wayne Rooney nearly scored (thank god for crossbars). 

I'm not sure if the SD guys watch soccer, but I suppose all guys do (well, most of them, anyway).

[Edit 25th Dec '02 for errors] 

Replies:

Devoted2Mitsui: yes,yes, Physics! Poor Rukawa, hehe. I don't think I'll ever do a Shizuka/Rukawa. Maybe in the sequel (then again, maybe there won't be one). Romance is too tough to write! =P 

unchained: Oh, the difficulties of writing a Rukawa romance! Thanks for the review. Ohh, did you watch the derby yesterday?! Steven Gerrard (whom I love to bits) stepped on that fella's… crotch. Ouch!

Yelen: Yeah, I was thinking Ayako would say something bad too. But I just couldn't bring her to break poor Miyagi's heart, lol.

tensaispirai: I'm glad it's ok =D

Leviathan: I'm hoping you keep up with updates too! Glad you like my fic =)

Jen: Oh my… you flooded my reviews page. You should flood it more often. Lol, j/k! 

sLL: You know what? That blender thing was written from a real-life experience. I _soo nearly_ forgot to put on the cover. Thank God my cousin was sharper than Yuko.

December Morning Owl: Thanks for the review! I wish I could write romance, but I'm crappy at it =P Glad you enjoyed my fic!

ayu: Maybe he will…

kiwigal: Sorry for the shrinking chapters =(

lambie: Thanks, hoped you enjoyed this chapter!

hagane: Are you going to update The Weakest Link? You should!! I need to laugh… =D

Please continue to R&R! =)

xoxo,   
qianhui   
myfakenovelty@hotmail.com   
(New email address!) 


	14. Basketball for Do'ahous

**The Detention Diaries**   
Chapter Fourteen: Basketball for Do'ahous **Takenori Akagi**

I took in a breath of fresh air as Kogure and I walked down the path to Shohoku High School. Shohoku High, where so many good times were had… so many. I threw back my mind to a year ago…

_"I AM BASKETMAN!! NYAHAHAAA!!" _

 Yes, there was the conceited Hanamichi Sakuragi who joined the team. The very same idiot that pulled down my pants in front of a whole audience…

WAIT. I'm not supposed to remember that.

_"Kaede Rukawa!"_

Until now, I can still hear his voice ringing clearly, introducing himself. This was a turning point in Shohoku Basketball Club, it certainly was. I watched as he blossomed from "Super Rookie" to the worthy ace of our team.

_"I… I want to play basketball…"_

Mitsui Hisashi, with his broken teeth and long, slimy hair, sinking to the ground amidst uncontrollable sobs... the image remains fresh in my mind. Crybaby!

_"One day, I'll be Kanagawa's number 1 Point Guard."_

Ryota Miyagi entered the team 2 years ago, but sat out an entire 12 months through injury. His return last year strengthened the team, no doubt. Short he may be, but that muffin-headed, love-struck baka certainly added substance to our team.

There were times when words were futile. Like when we defeated Ryonan to enter the IH competition… there was Uozumi, a big, burly guy, sobbing as we embraced in a friendly hug, having been enemies just moments ago. 

And of course, when we defeated Japan's number 1 team, Sannoh. As Sakuragi's shot sailed into the basket in the final second, as the referee awarded us the win, as we all came together – regardless of having been team players or substitutes – crying and yelling our hearts out…

That day – those moments of yesterday – they are all buried deep in my heart. I shall never forget them.

"As I was saying, the team – you seem lost in thought, Akagi."

"Nothing," I said, looking up at the sky. If anyone ever got wind of what a sentimental sucker I am, I'll… I'll… hmmm. I'll deliver on their heads my gorilla dunk, or something. No, wait. I am NOT a gori!

"It looks like it's about to rain, Kogure. Let's quicken our pace."

Kogure, my good friend throughout these years, nodded. We were both in university now – the same one at that – and were on our way back to Shohoku to watch the first match of the season.

"Our first match is against Ryonan, what d'you think?" Kogure asked.

Even after we had left the school, the Shohoku team remains in our speech as "our".

"What can I say?" I said nonchalantly. "Only _we are a strong team_."

Kogure laughed. "Yes, _we are a strong team_. Certainly."

_We are a strong team… I remembered how Anzai Sensei had believed in us till the very end. It was this invariable belief that made us strive harder to substantiate that belief…_

We arrived at the gates of the school, and were instantly treated like, erm, celebrities.

Fan #1: There's Takenori Akagi! Wow!

Fan #2: Takenori Akagi! He's the legendary captain that guided our team to IH last year, right?

_How true, how true._

"Oh my god, he's huge!"

_Is that a compliment?_

"Man, he really lives up to his name!"

_?_

"What name?"

"Don't you know? That red-headed basketballer always calls him Gori."

_$%&@(&@%_

_Sakuragi!! I'll get him!_

"Ahaha, ignore them, Akagi." Kogure said with a sheepish smile.

"Damn that bakeru!! How dare he!"

**Shizuka**

I had often heard of Sakuragi, Miyagi and the rest of the morons talk about their ex-captain, who was, apparently, one heck of a gorilla.

_And this guy who just came striding into the school definitely fits the bill! _

Finally! Shizuka Tendou meets the legendary Gorilla captain.

"Wow, Shizuka! Who's that? He's _huuuuge!!_" You would've thought Yuko was describing a gorilla. But then again, that was pretty darn close to the truth.

"I think he's Takenori Akagi, the ex-captain of the basketball team. Sakuragi mentioned him before," I informed her. I couldn't help it, and added, "Rather gorilla-ish, ain't he?"

Yuko giggled, probably at my very apt description. 

"Yes," She said.

**Kogure**

"Akagi!!" I called after him in vain. I think he'd had it with the whole 'gorilla' thing - students referred to him more as 'the gorilla' than 'the great captain'.

I watched in horror as he marched to two vulnerable-looking, innocent girls…

I suddenly realized that it looked like a scene out of 'Planet of the Apes'.

_I have to save them…_

Kogure's imagination

(Akagi beats fist upon his chest, letting off his famous gorilla battle cry)

Akagi the gorilla: Who – dares – call – me – a – gorilla – must – DIE!!! (for I am NOT a gorilla, I am an ape!!)

(Akagi stomps his big gorilla feet about, flattening many buildings. People run about, frantic at the sight of this giant king Kong)

Scared Girl with Messy Hair: It's the gorilla!!!

Scared Girl with Silly Face: Yes!! Oh no!!

(Akagi narrows his black, beady eyes on the two rebels)

Akagi the Gorilla: You two!! 

(Akagi stomps towards the two scared girls)

Scared Girls Together: AHHHH!! IT'S COMING TOWARDS US!!

(Akagi is just about to step on then and flatten them, when…)

// Have no fear, my girls, for CAPTAIN KOGURE IS HERE!! //

Scared Girls: Captain Kogure?

Captain Kogure: Take that, you bullying gorilla!!

(Red laser beams shoot out of Captain Kogure's glasses)

Akagi the Gorilla: Eh? Cyclops?!

(Akagi falls down, unconscious.)

// And once again, Captain Kogure SAVES THE DAAAYYAYAY!!! //

Girls: Captain Kogure! Our hero!

/end of Kogure's imagination

_Kogure! This is not the time to live your X-Men fantasies! You've got people to save!!_

I rushed at once to the scene.

"Akagi! Cool down!!"

I stepped valiantly in front of the girls to protect them. 

"Cool down, Akagi! It's not their fault…" I said soothingly.

"What do you mean by… IT'S NOT THEIR FAULT?" He boomed.

"I… uhh…" I stammered. I didn't know how to explain it to him that it was _perfectly natural_ for people to call him gorilla because he kinda looked like one…

"HMMM?"

"Uhhh…"

_Whatever happened to Captain Kogure?_

**Shizuka**

Who is this bespectacled nut?

"Girls," The bespectacled nut turned to us earnestly. "Go, quickly!"

I frowned. "What?"

"Go! Just go!" He motioned furiously for us to go. It was like asking us to run for our lives. But why?

"Why?" I asked, bewildered.

"Why?! Because he'll hit you!!" He exclaimed, and turned back to the ex-captain, repeating his 'cool down' speech over and over again.

"You're both crazy," I said, and walked away with Yuko.

**Akagi**

_What does Kogure think he's doing?_

"What are you up to, Kogure?!"

"You can't hit them, Akagi! However angry you are! They're girls!" He said.

Well, duh, of course they're girls. If not, what? Bean sprouts?

"I never wanted to hit them, Kogure," I said dryly. "I just wanted to ask them if Sakuragi has been saying anymore stupid… stuff about me."

Kogure looked at me, wide-eyed and surprised. "Oh," he said. "Oh."

"Yes." I said.

"Oh."

"Yes."

"Let's, err, head to the gym then."

**Shizuka**

"Oh look, Shizuka! It's the two guys from just now! They're coming to watch the match too," Yuko exclaimed.

"My dear Yuko," I said with sarcasm, "I _do_ have eyes, you know."

Yuko frowned at me. "Well of course you do!"

I threw my hands up in exasperation. "Never mind."

The ex-captain and his sidekick sank down into the two seats beside us, because there weren't any left. The arrangement was like this: Yuko, me, ex-captain, and sidekick.

"Shizuka," Yuko said nervously, "I've never watched a basketball game before."

"You're hopeless." I told her. Although, quite frankly, I'd never seen a basketball game before, either. Back in England, basketball was the American's game. We English lived and breathed football, nothing else. This English trait followed my brother and I to Japan.

"You must know all about it," Yuko continued. "So you can explain to me later on."

"O-Of course I can."

Of course I couldn't! I didn't know nuts about basketball… but it didn't look a very complex game to me. I hoped to just bluff my way through the whole game. Yuko would never know, anyway. It's not a thing to be proud of if you appear stupid in front of a person like Yuko.

Beside me, Ex-captain and Weird Sidekick were discussing Shohoku's chances. I strained to listen.

"Do you think Ryonan will use Box 1? Sendoh against Rukawa…" Said Weird Sidekick.

"Yes, I think so. They can't stop Rukawa otherwise – they don't have Uozumi this year." Said Ex-captain.

"Hopefully, Sakuragi won't get fouled out… Miyagi too, he's rather rash," Said Weird Sidekick.

"I agree." Said Ex-captain.

Ok… what the hell is "box one"? And "fouled out"? Is that like, a red card, or something?

My thoughts were interrupted by the Rukawa Brigade.

"GO, RUKAWA, GO!!!" They screamed.

I chuckled to myself, remembering how I'd joined them for a few minutes just to irritate the hell out of Rukawa. I turned my attention to the basketball court. The teams had already started warming up. 

"Ryonan's Number 7 looks familiar…" I mumbled to myself.

"That's Akira Sendoh, their ace." Ex-captain told me. He looked at me disapprovingly. "You haven't heard of him?"

I didn't like his look.

"Oh, of course I have," I said dismissively. "I know him on a personal level."

Personal level? Yeah right. 

Ex-captain snorted.

"Arrogant chap, if you ask me." There was something in his tone I disliked.

"Really? I think he's great." I replied placidly.

Ex-captain sighed and shook his head, mumbling something about 'crazy fangirls'. I managed to stop myself in time from saying "crazy gorilla". I seriously didn't want to get into a brawl with this guy.

"The match is starting!!" Yuko exclaimed with excitement. "And there's Mitsui!"

"Yes, yes." I said.

Sakuragi and another tall Ryonan guy stood facing each other, with the referee somewhere in between. The referee threw the ball up, and both of them jumped. Sakuragi got to the ball first, and beat it down with a shout of triumph.

"What are they doing, Shizuka?"

"They're opening the match," I said.

The ball, unfortunately, fell to a Ryonan player. I couldn't hear what Mitsui was saying, but I could see he was very displeased with Sakuragi, no doubt for giving the ball away.

"DE-FEND! DE-FEND!" The Shohoku supporters shouted as all 5 Shohoku players retreated back to their own half, crouching down in a funny sort of way with their arms spread out. My friend Sendoh had the ball, and he seemed to be bouncing it in quite a leisurely way.

"Steady, guys! Let's get the first two points of the match." He yelled. Rukawa was glaring at him, nothing in his eyes save for loath and contempt.

Sendoh bounced the ball on the spot for a moment or two, as if contemplating who to pass to. If that were so, he certainly made up his mind very fast. Within 5 seconds, he had taken the ball to the inside of the semi-circle (the penalty area, I think). Then, he did something very funny. He took one step, two steps, and sprang up into the air, placing the ball neatly into the net. Rukawa jumped up too and tried to stop him, but it was futile. Ryonan 1-0 Shohoku.

The referee blew his whistle and did some funny sign. Rukawa raised one of his arms reluctantly.

"Free throw!" The crowd gasped.

_Free throw? Free kick? But why?! The ball went in already! Basketball is such a silly game. In football, you never hear of penalties or freekicks being given when the ball is already in the net!!_

Sendoh stood some distance away from the net, and bounced the ball once or twice on the floor. Then, like I had seen some people do, he shot and the ball went in.

Ryonan 2-0 Shohoku.

I looked at the scoreboard worryingly. _So early and we've gone 2 down!_

-

Scoreboard: Ryonan 3 Shohoku 0

-

Huh? Why 3?!

"Shizuka! What happened?" Yuko kept badgering me.

"Umm, I, uhh… I have a stomachache, I'm going to the toilet."

In truth, I had _no idea. _I never knew basketball was such a complicated, difficult-to-comprehend, mathematically incorrect game (only two balls went in! Why is the score 3-0??). It was almost impossible to fathom why people like Rukawa were complete basketball maniacs.

As I made my way out of the gym, the crowd suddenly went wild and a resurgent Rukawa Brigade yelled their usual cheesy cheers.

"What happened?" I asked one of the students seated.

"It's Rukawa! He just did a 3-pointer! He's brilliant, isn't he?"

I nodded slightly with a weak smile on my face. 

Firstly, Rukawa was anything but brilliant.

Secondly… _what the hell is a 3-pointer?_

I walked out of the gym with this question in my head. Instead of going to the toilet, I headed to the staff room. I decided to use this time to ask my Physics teacher something about the theory of equilibrium, which I didn't quite understand. By the time I went back in (feeling very much like the Ms. Diligent I was supposed to be), there was only 1 minute left to the game.

As I made my way back to my seat, people made irritable noises about me blocking their view. It was, apparently, the 'climax' of the game.

"Shizuka! Where did you go?!" Yuko asked. "We're losing!!" She wailed.

"We-We are?"

"Yes!!" She pointed to the scoreboard.

-

Scoreboard: Ryonan 90 Shohoku 79

-

"Oh," was all I managed to say.

Instead of the usual calm Ex-captain, beside me was a rather heated gori, barking (or whatever a gorilla does) away.

"WHAT DO THEY THINK THEY'RE DOING? THEIR DEFENCE IS IN SHAMBLES! THOSE IDIOTS!!" He roared.

Beside him, Sidekick looked like his nerves were shot to pieces. "One minute more," He kept saying.

"Ohh!!" The crowd gasped. I turned just in time to see the ball sailing into the net. Mitsui.

"3 points!!" The crowd went wild.

"MICCHY!!!" Some gangsters waving a 'Micchy' banner cheered.

"My Mitsui!" Yuko said in a hero-worshipping tone.

Ryonan 90 Shohoku 82.

**Rukawa**

I stared steadily at Sendoh, my glance never wavering. Waiting, waiting…

_This is it!_

I rushed forward to stop him. 

"No you don't, Sendoh!!" Sakuragi the do'ahou exclaimed, and rushed forward, too.

He registered no surprise at this, but instead smiled and passed the ball coolly to Fukuda, who was free of his markers.

_That DO'AHOU!_

It was all too easy a shot for Fukuda. The ball bounced off the little square and into the net.

Ryonan 92 Shohoku 82.

_Is this… it?_

I received the ball from Miyagi. Sendoh was eyeing me too closely…

_But I can do it. I can, because I am Kaede Rukawa…_

**Shizuka**

Rukawa, with the ball in his one hand, leaped up into the air. And then… he dunked.

This is a very stupid way to describe it, but there's no other way. He just… dunked. I could sense his fury from where I was. The entire gym was suppressed into silence by his one dunk. It's strange, but I felt then that every single person in the gym must know how he was feeling. Through that one dunk. It was his own way of showing people how he felt…

Basketball.

"5 – 4 – 3 – 2 – 1 – ZERO!!!" The Ryonan crowd was elated.

I felt kinda numb. Not sore that we lost or anything, but just… numb. 

Ryonan 92 Shohoku 84 was the final score.

The Shohoku supporters around me must have felt the same way. There was a sort of dumbstruck silence among us. Even Gori, who had been furiously yelling away a few moments ago, now simmered down into a shocked silence. A few seconds ago we were losing, but now _we had already lost._ How alike these two terms sound, but yet they were utterly dissimilar.

The shock soon wore off. The swearing and cursing came, as a matter of course. 

"Shizuka… we lost…" Yuko sniffed.

"Of course I know that," I said stiffly.

Gori and Sidekick made their way to the Shohoku bench to console a devastated Shohoku team… or so I thought.

"WHAT DID YOU TWITS THINK YOU'RE DOING?! CAN'T YOU COPE WITHOUT ME?!!"

That was Gori, if you haven't guessed already.

I headed to the Shohoku bench with Yuko, wanting to see how they were coping with losing.

**Sendoh**

"Shizuka… is that you?"

A girl vaguely familiar caught my eye. I remembered her as Shizuka, my very uncultured co-host for that night at the Kangawa Charity Concert.

She spun round, looked at me for a moment or two, and then broke into a grin.

"Yo," She said it so that it was "eee-ow" – like how those self-proclaimed hip hoppers say it. I laughed, and so did she.

"Sorry for trashing your team." I said lightly.

"Oh, no matter." She said it almost lazily. "What's up with your hair?"

"That's how I usually style it."

"I see. I think you look better with your hair down." She said flatly.

I swallowed this remark with some difficulty. My hairstyle was my pride and joy, and I spent (almost) every waking moment making sure it was in place…

I merely smiled.

"And you look better in uniform." I told her.

I watched in satisfaction as her face changed. She was obviously remembering my crude remarks about her figure. It was a good athletic figure, but not a nice feminine one, if you know what I mean. 

"Is-Is that so? Well, goodbye, Sendoh." She replied shortly, and walked away.

**Shizuka**

I walked to the Shohoku bench. There was Rukawa, head buried under his towel, silent as always. He only looked up once – when Gori tried to talk to him. His eyes, so alive on court just only a few minutes ago, were now just dead pools of brown, devoid of life. 

It was like he could see nothing else, didn't want to see anything else…

Then I knew.

He didn't care for anything or anyone; not for Haruko, not for me. Basketball was all he cared about. It was all that he lived for. This was something I ought to have realized oh so long ago!

Silly me.

**Author's note:**

(29 Dec '02)

Alrighty, Chapter 14 is up! I finished this just after coming back from Versus II (the last local punk/emo/alternative/whatever rock gig of 2002 at substation), and it was a BLAST. [trying to sound cool] Support the local music scene, yo… 

I'll probably post this chapter up tomorrow, with the replies. Too tired to do anything else now.

Oh yeah, sorry for the short and crappy basketball scene. I can't describe basketball very well =P

Arsenal v Liverpool later. Eeps!

(30 Dec '02)

Replies:

lambie: oh! Coming to think of it… I can't really remember what I said during the "interview". Haha. Hopefully nothing embarrassing.

White Meteor: Hehe! No mention of Micchy in this chapter though… only one. Ack.

Alexia: ahhaha, a lot of girls start out liking soccer like that (the guy I like likes Manchester United though =P). Glad you enjoy my fic!

Yelen: This chapter has almost no micchy in it, sadly. I'm off to read your Rukawa fic now, you update so fast!

Eliar Swiftfire: Bye bye, Larry!

unchained: you're crazy over Smicer? I think he's one of the most handsome guys in the team * girlish giggle *. But anyway, Arsenal 1-1 Liverpool… Jeffers dived!! Argh.. =(

a-sendoh07: Glad you thought so. I was afraid it wasn't satisfactory…

sLL: Oh no, Akira's not Sendoh. Like, Shizuka's brother is Akira Tendou. Sendoh is Akira Sendoh. Different lah… haha. Just can't think up anymore names =P

tensaispirai: I guess Ru was moping around in his room reading basketball magazines? Hmm... or maybe he was sleeping…

xoxo,  
qianhui  
myfakenovelty@hotmail.com  
(you can add me to msn, or something)  
  



	15. Dreams

**The Detention Diaries**   
Chapter Fifteen: Dreams UPDATE (December 05, 2003): Having left this fic unattended to for such a long time, I'm now keen to continue it, just that I'm not sure what you (the reader) think of it and how it may be improved, new story angles, etc. I had a lot of fun writing this fic, and I hope to have more :) But most of all, I'd like you to have fun reading it, and if anyone would like for this fic to be continued, you could drop me a review or an email at playingtruant@hotmail.com! The next chapter should be due soon if there still are people wanting to read this... Ciao for now! **Miyagi's dream**

[Ayako plants kisses on Miyagi's forehead. Sakuragi comes into the picture holding in his arms and armor.]

Miyagi: Who am I…?

Ayako: Thou art my husband, my lord, my sovereign, my…

Miyagi: Ok, that's enough, my dear. Answer me, Sakuragi!

Sakuragi (helping Miyagi put on armor): You… You are our king, sire. 

Miyagi: And you trust your king?

Sakuragi: Sire, your men will follow you to _whatever end._

Miyagi: To whatever end…?

[Rukawa, Mitsui, and all the Shohoku team members appear]

Shohoku (in a low, rumbling voice): _To whatever end_.

Miyagi: Then let's ride out and meet the enemy!

Shohoku: Meet the enemy!

Ayako: Do be careful, my lord… I don't want our child to be fatherless.

Miyagi (shocked): Our – Our child! You're pregnant?

Shohoku (monotonously): Congratulations, sire.

[A horn blows outside]

Rukawa: That is no Ryonan horn!

[Rukawa dashes out; the rest of Shohoku follows. The commanders are shouting for the people to open the gates. Gori comes stomping in.]

Rukawa: It's… it's Gori Akagi!

Miyagi: Gori!

[Gori steps forward solemnly. His troop of gorilla soldiers follows.]

Gori: An alliance once existed between Goris and Shohokunites. We once fought together; died together. We come now to honor that allegiance.

[Sakuragi embraces Gori like a brother, and Gori is embarrassed.]

Sakuragi (almost tearfully): My good brother-in-law!

Gori: Bakeru! You are not yet my sister's husband!

[Miyagi drags Sakuragi away.]

Miyagi: So glad you've come, King Gori.

Gori: We are honored to fight alongside Shohokunites once more.

[A horn sounds.]

Rukawa (knowledgably): _That_ is a Ryonan horn…

Miyagi: Alright, men! Let's go!

[Miyagi nudges Rukawa.]

Miyagi: Oh no, Commander Rukawa's Sleeping Beauty disease is acting up again…

[Everyone looks down the huge tower to catch a glimpse of Ryonan's troops.]

Miyagi (jumping up and down): Couldn't we find a better spot! 

[Mitsui looks at Miyagi, highly amused.]

Miyagi (oblivious): What's going on down there?

Mitsui (snickering): Shall I describe it to you, Sire? Or would you like me to get you a box?

Miyagi (red-faced): I don't need no box!

Mitsui: I shall describe it to you, then. King Sendoh is leading the Ryonan troops, they should be here in a few minutes. It seems that the Uozumi tribe of gorillas have gone to their aid.

Miyagi (astonished): The _Uozumi_ tribe?! Aren't they bigger than the Akagi tribe?

Akagi: Bakeru! Bigger doesn't mean better!

Miyagi: True, true.

[A few hours later, the two armies are engaged in a fierce battle.]

Sakuragi: It's almost dawn… Old man should be back anytime now…

Mitsui: Yes, he should… and don't call him old man! He is my almighty benefactor, Anzai the White!

[Sakuragi snorts. A fat, white figure on a gleaming white horse appears some distance away.]

Rukawa (suddenly awake): Look! It's Anzai the White…

[Rukawa falls back asleep. Sakuragi kicks him.]

Sakuragi: Stupid good-for-nothing! Pretending to fall asleep so he won't have to go to war… hmph! I bet that Sleeping Beauty shit is all made up. And besides…

[Sakuragi scrutinizes Rukawa's face]

Sakuragi: Sleeping Ugly would be a better name.

Mitsui: You fool! This is no time for beauty contests! Look who Anzai the White has brought with him!

[Anzai the White's spectacles sparkle under the dazzling sun as an army of troops appear behind him.]

Miyagi: It's… It's Commander Kogure!

[Commander Kogure smiles.]

Commander Kogure: For the king!

Kogure's troops: FOR THE KING!!

[Anzai the White and the troops gallop down on their horses. An hour later…]

Shohokunites: We have VICTORY!!

King Sendoh: Kill me if you must, but leave my hair alone. I shall die with honor, with dignity… and with my hair!

Miyagi: Haha, mwahaha, MWAHAHAHAAAA!!

[-- The end of Miyagi's dream. --]

**Miyagi**

I woke up reluctantly as the dazzling sunrays shone upon my face. 

Damn the sun, I was having such a good dream! Someday I'll seal off my window, I tell you.

As a routine, I turned to the framed photograph of Aya-chan by my bedside.

"Good morning, Aya-chan! I will work hard today. We must beat Ryonan in the winter tournament!"

Then, I beamed to myself.

_King Miyagi the Great… no, make that the Almighty…_

**Sakuragi's dream**

Sakuragi the narrator: Shohoku Basketball Club, the club whose captain was the infamous Gori, Takenori Akagi. There were many girls always wanting to date me, always swarming around me during practice sessions, but the most beautiful of all was the girl I loved, Haruko, the younger sister of Gori. I delivered to the team truth, beauty, freedom, and that which I believe above all things… LOVE.

Youhei (disapprovingly): Always this ridiculous obsession with love!

Sakuragi the narrator: There was only one problem – I'd never been in a relationship! I could see no girl good enough for me…

Sakuragi Brigade (snickering): Or was it because 50 girls dumped you, in a row?

Sakuragi (discreetly): Shhh!

Sakuragi the narrator: Luckily, right at that moment an unconscious fox fell through my roof. He was quickly joined by a dwarf.

Miyagi: How do you do, handsome lad? My name is Ryota Miyagi. I'm terribly sorry about all this; we were upstairs rehearsing for the basketball match against Ryonan.

Sakuragi: What?

Miyagi: The evil Ryonan has challenged us to a game, you see.

[At this juncture, Haruko rushes in.]

Haruko: Rukawa-kun! Rukawa-kun!

[Sakuragi's eyes turn into heart shapes]

Sakuragi: And who is this stunningly beautiful lady?

Miyagi: That is the younger sister of our captain.

Sakuragi: Oh, what a mesmerizing young goddess!

Miyagi: Indeed.

Sakuragi: And what is the matter with this ugly unconscious chap? 

Miyagi: It is terribly unfortunate. He suffers from a sickness called Narcolepsy. Perfectly fine one moment; unconscious the next.

[Sakuragi squints.]

Sakuragi: This chap – he drools when he's unconscious?

[Miyagi shrugs.]

Sakuragi (turns to Haruko): My fair lady, what business would you possibly have with this unruly fella who fell through my roof?

[Haruko's eyes turn into heart shapes upon seeing Sakuragi]

Haruko: Oh, nothing at all, Sir!

[Haruko kicks Rukawa.]

Haruko: He is just a useless fool, that is all. He cannot be compared to you!

Sakuragi (failing terribly in trying to be modest): You flatter me, my lady.

[The two "lovers" gaze at each other with their heart-shaped eyes]

Miyagi (suddenly): I have an idea!

Sakuragi: What?

Miyagi: Since this moronic do'ahou is as useless as such, why not you take his place?

Sakuragi: I?

Haruko (nodding furiously): Yes, yes! You could be the saviour of our team, you could!

[Takenori Akagi comes in.]

Akagi (impressed): Does this house belong to you, mister?

Sakuragi: Yes.

Akagi: A wonderfully furnished house for a wonderfully talented young man, how wonderful.

Sakuragi (again trying to be modest): Oh, you flatter me!

Akagi: No, no. I am serious. Will you take this do'ahou's place in the team, talented young man?

Sakuragi: Since you are all pleading with me, I shall not decline.

Akagi: I would like you to be my brother-in-law, too!

Sakuragi: But who is your sister?

Akagi (points to Haruko): Why, none other than her!

Sakuragi: Oh, so this young and fair goddess shall be betrothed to me?

[Rukawa wakes up suddenly.]

Rukawa: No, no…

[Haruko kicks Rukawa. Rukawa falls back unconscious.]

Haruko: Ignore him, my lord…

Sakuragi: You called me "my lord"?

Haruko (shyly): Of course, if you don't care for the idea…

Sakuragi: Oh, what would I give to take you as my wife, my fair goddess! Just this – I don't know your name!

Sakuragi the narrator: Ah, those were good times. Haruko and I got married. However, hard times were ahead…

Sakuragi: I… I have failed you, Haruko-chan. We lost to Ryonan…

Haruko: You lost…?

Sakuragi: Yes! I have failed you! I, the almighty tensai, couldn't save the team from destruction… 

Haruko (soothingly): Oh, my lord - 

Sakuragi: Do not call me "my lord"! I am too ashamed to face you.

[Haruko's beautiful singing voice fills the air]

Haruko: _Come what may…_

[Sakuragi is a little stunned at first, but breaks into a handsome smile later.]

Sakuragi: _Come what may…_

The lovers: _I WILL LOVE YOOOOOU, UNTIL MY DYING DAAYAYAYAAY_

Sakuragi Brigade: It's awful! Shut up! Shut up!

Rukawa: Do'ahou.

Haruko: Ignore them, my lord. We will live happily ever after…

Sakuragi: And you will bear me a daughter…

Haruko: Yes…

Sakuragi: And we shall name her Haruki…

Haruko: Yes…

[-- End of Sakuragi's dream --]

**Rukawa's dream**

[Shizuka is a westerner and Rukawa is an… easterner.]

Shizuka: So, you're Japanese, eh? 

Rukawa: …

Shizuka: You're quiet. Are all Japanese this quiet?

Rukawa: …

Shizuka: Aren't you hungry?

Rukawa: …

Shizuka (a little irritated): Answer me, dammit! Are you mute?

Rukawa: ?

Shizuka: DO –YOU – UNDERSTAND – THE – WORDS – THAT – ARE – COMING – OUT – OF – MY – MOUTH?

Rukawa: DUH. Do'ahou.

Shizuka: SO! So, you can speak English! Why didn't you tell me earlier, you little…

Rukawa (blankly): I didn't say I couldn't.

[Shizuka shoots Rukawa a deadly glare.]

Shizuka: Trying to be funny?

[Rukawa looks away, indifferent. Shizuka makes a phone call on her mobile.]

Shizuka (to the phone): Hello? Hello? Is this Shohoku headquarters?

Shohoku headquarters: Yes, Gori… I mean Akagi, speaking.

Shizuka: Hi, Gor, er, Akagi. This is secret agent Shizuka speaking.

Akagi: Yes, secret agent Shizuka?

Shizuka: Why on earth did you send me this dumbass nincompoop? 

Akagi: Dumbass nincompoop? He's our ace, mind you!

Shizuka: Your ace? Hah! What a lousy ace.

Akagi: Please, agent Shizuka, talk less and do more.

Shizuka: WHAT, are you saying I talk too much?

Rukawa: DUH. Do'ahou.

[Shizuka glares at Rukawa.]

Shizuka: Shut up, nincompoop!

[Shizuka slams down the phone.]

Akagi (on the other line): Hey! How dare you slam down on me like that!

Shizuka: Just my luck to be partnered with you! So where're we gonna go?

[Rukawa thinks: Just my _unluck_ to be partnered with you, shrew.]

Rukawa: Attack the Ryonan headquarters.

[The squabbling duo drive there. An hour later…]

Shizuka: It's all your fault! It's all your fault!

Rukawa (groggily): It's not my fault that the engine spoiled…

Shizuka: NOT YOUR FAULT?? You said you would change the flat tyre and what did you do? You opened the boot to get the spare tyre and you FELL ASLEEP!

Rukawa: … all people need sleep.

Shizuka: But only YOU would DROOL on the engine!! If I didn't come out to check on you, you'd still be drooling on it now!

[A gang of Ryonan team members comes rushing towards them.]

Shizuka: What are we going to do now? We can't escape! Our car spoiled!

Rukawa: Fight.

Shizuka: F-Fight?

Rukawa: Why?

Shizuka: Why – Why what? I can fight as well as you, I tell you.

[Shizuka turns to the Ryonan gang.]

Shizuka (posing in some impressive-looking kung-fu stance): C'mon, little boys! I'll take you on! I'll punch ya, I'll kick ya…

[Shizuka's punches and kicks are futile. Rukawa's punches and kicks are deadly. Rukawa soon fights his way successfully through the mob, leaving Shizuka stranded somewhere among the fighting gang members.]

Rukawa: Sendoh, you stinking, filthy asshole!

[Sendoh is dressed in a tux and sunglasses, his face bearing a smile as usual. Rukawa looks down at his own clothes. He is wearing a faded Pikachu T-shirt bought for 10 Yen at the night market.]

Sendoh (shaking his forefinger in Rukawa's face): Uh- uh… you want to defeat me? Not so easy…

Rukawa: Huh!

[Rukawa turns to his Pikachu T-shirt.]

Rukawa: Pikachu! I choose you!

[Pikachu hops out from his T-shirt.]

Sendoh: Wha- What?

Rukawa: Pikachu, use your Thunderbolt Attack!

[Pikachu obeys, and…]

Sendoh: MY HAIR! MY HAIR!!

[Sendoh's crowning glory is now just a frilly, curly mop of Afro mess.]

Sendoh (tearfully clutching the remains of his hair): You – You! I'll kill you!

[Rukawa whips out a gigantic pair of scissors.]

Rukawa (sinisterly): That's not the end…

[SNIP! SNIP!]

Sendoh: Oh, oh! I have no more hair!!

Rukawa: Haha, mwahaha, MWAHAHAHAAAA!!

[-- End of Rukawa's dream --]

**Rukawa**

Oh no… I'd better stop watching Pokemon from now on; it's even infiltrating my dreams…

_But that was a good dream. Oh, how I'd like to snip of his hair…_

**Mitsui's dream**

Sendoh: Scared, Hisashi? 

Mitsui: _YOU WISH._

[Sendoh and Mitsui walk towards each other from ends of a long table, holding their wands. They bow stiffly.]

Sendoh (fierce whisper): Take that!

Mitsui: Ow! Your spiky hair!

[Sendoh smirks. The two walk back to their respective ends of the table, swearing and cursing away.]

Professor Kogure: Now, on the count to three. One, two…

Sendoh (brandishing his wand): Spike attack!

[Thorns shoot out from Sendoh's hair and hit Mitsui.]

Mitsui: Lumos!

[Mitsui's wand becomes a torch. The Ryonans laugh.]

Shizuka: Mitsui, you fool! That's the spell for light! Use "wingardium leviosa", quick!!

Professor Uozumi: That's enough, Tendou! 10 points off Shohoku for being an insufferable know-it-all!

Mitsui: Wingardium Leviosa!!

[Professor Uozumi rises slowly up into the air. Shizuka smacks her forehead.]

Shizuka: Point your wand at Sendoh, Mitsui! Not Uozumi!!

Sendoh: Spike attack, one more time!

[Mitsui is defeated. KO!]

Professor Anzai: You cannot lose hope… once you lose hope, the battle is lost…

Mitsui: Really, Professor?

Professor Anzai: Here, let's see what you make of my good phoenix, Jawkes…

Mitsui: Your – Your phoenix? You're giving your phoenix to me?

Professor Anzai: Yes… remember, its tears have destructive powers, _hohoho…_

[The next day, Sendoh and Mitsui duel again. Mitsui is, again, at the losing end.]

Sendoh (sneering): Mwahaha, admit defeat, Hisashi?

[Mitsui struggles to stand back up on his feet.]

Mitsui: NEVER!

[Jawkes comes flying to Mitsui this instant.]

Sendoh: So, this is what Professor Anzai sends his warrior. A bird!

Mitsui: Jawkes… attack him, Jawkes!

[Jawkes flies and lands on Sendoh's head. It starts to cry.]

Sendoh: See, Hisashi? Even your bird is crying for you!

[The Ryonans gasp.]

Ryonans: Sendoh, your hair!!

[Jawkes' tears dissolve Sendoh's hair gel. His hairstyle is now in complete ruins.]

Shizuka: You go, Mitsui!

Sendoh (moans): It took me three hours to style it! You'll pay for this one, Hisashi!

Mitsui: Haha, mwahaha, MWAHAHAHAA!!

[-- End of Mitsui's dream --]

**At training later that day**

The Shohoku team: DOWN WITH SENDOH!! DOWN WITH RYONAN!!

** author's narration **

And so, each of their silly dreams have fuelled their fighting spirit. It remains to see if that is enough… 

**Author's note:**

Nothing "real" in this chapter, hehe… but just thought I'd do it for fun. Quite a crappy and senseless chapter, but hey, it's just for laughs! =D 

"Credits":

Miyagi's dream: Lord of the Rings, The Two Towers spoof.

Sakuragi's dream: Moulin Rouge spoof.

Rukawa's dream: Rush Hour + Pokemon spoof :)

Mitsui's dream: Harry Potter spoof!

Replies:

White Meteor: Oh no… you don't like Mitsui? Heard you're waging a war with Yelen or something… hehe. It's you, right? =D

lambie: Hope you like this chapter as well… 

Alexia: Wow… so tall… I'm only, like 1.6 :(

tensaispirai: Haha! That's what they say in some fics… is it true, though? I didn't really notice the colour of Ru's eyes. 

unchained: Happy Birthday, Rukawa!! Hehe.

Yelen: Oh no, calm down! Here, your beloved Mitsui is the hero of the day as he defeats Sendoh… (though it's only a dream, lol)

Metallic gene: Yeah, Owen's cute of course! But I think Steven Gerrard is cuter… * faints *

Chidero: New to ff.net right? =D Yeah, TVB series are cool!

maemi: Thanks for reading! Wow… I had no idea my fic took 2 hours to read. I should re-read it myself sometime =D

Lady Artemis: Mitsui and… Kogure? I'm not doing yaoi… and besides, Mitsui belongs to Yelen =P

sLL: It's ok! I shouldn't have been lazy to think up a name in the first place, lol.

Eliar Swiftfire: Am honoured you bothered. Your A/N in Inside Stuff was full of weird characters, you know? I wonder how're Japanese computers like. Hehe =P

xoxo,   
qianhui

PS: Is it just me, or is ff.net acting all weird and shit? Eeps!


	16. Hands

**The Detention Diaries**   
Chapter Sixteen: Hands

**Shizuka & Sendoh**

The Strokes' new CD is out! Their new CD is out! Hurry, my legs! 

Ah, here I am at last, at the record store. Now, just where is their CD shelved? 

Oh, oh! I see it! I see it! One copy left – it's MINE. 

Eh?

**Shizuka**

As I reached out for the album in triumph, another hand did so too. I looked up menacingly at the perpetrator.

"Shi – Shizuka?" 

It was my dear friend with the porcupine hair! He blinked and let go of the album in surprise. "Hi!"

_He let go! Good chance! Nyahaha, what an idiot…_

"Bye!" I chuckled, and scooted off with the album in hand, leaving a flabbergasted Sendoh cursing after me.

I paid hurriedly and ran at top speed down the street. Sendoh was still yelling and running after me. Finally, when I thought he had given up, I slowed.

_Damn, my stamina has really deteriorated… _

"Whatthefuck!" I jumped in shock as I felt a tap on my shoulder.

"You're pretty fast – for a girl," Sendoh said this in the midst of heavy huffs and puffs. Then he smiled – that charming smile of his.

_If only piggyboy would smile like this… just once._

_WAIT. Why am I thinking about that idiot?_

_He must be so disheartened right now, after losing to Ryonan…_

"Hi, anybody home?" Sendoh knocked my forehead, snapping me out of my thoughts.

"Hullo," I said simply. "You scared me the hell out of me!"

He laughed.

"What were you running for, anyway? I just wanted to say hi and buy you lunch or something, to thank you for helping me out the other night. You know, Mary Sue."

Oh.

"Oh," I said, feeling very stupid indeed.

At the restaurant

So here we were, at an Italian restaurant – and I intended to cash in on this opportunity and bankrupt porcupine-boy by ordering pasta, a lasagne, two salads, and soup. Sendoh looked highly amused when I read out my order but decided to oblige me anyway.

(Moments later…)

Sendoh coughed. "That's not how you eat pasta."

I looked up, indignant. "I know you're supposed to twirl it around your fork, and that's what I'm doing, aren't I?" I said grumpily. "It's not my fault that the strands get so messy and all!"

Eating at expensive restaurants was never my kinda thing. The quietness of the ambience is always intimidating – and the people that eat here look really important. Businessmen with suits and ties, ladies with carefully made up faces, and of course the trademark poker-faced waiters and waitresses.  

We spent a few hours in the restaurant just trying to finish all that we (or I) had ordered, and chatting incessantly about things. Sendoh got me interested in basketball – and finally unravelled for me the mystery of the "1 goal + 1 penalty = 3 points" theory.

Basketball would be good exercise, I guess. I had read somewhere about how athletes, after prolonged periods of inactivity (and perhaps a dash of laziness), lost much of their stamina. And worse – for the girls – the muscles turned to flab and by then I'd be looking like an ogre… of sorts.

The next day in detention

**Rukawa**

I dumped my bag on the floor and slumped lazily onto the chair. Detention! Oh, the fun of it all. Mitsui, Miyagi, the super do'aho and the rest of the gang were huddled in a corner, laughing at some joke I didn't care to concern myself with.

_Everyone seems normal. In good spirits. Why am I the only one who feels so… so dumb?_

I remember the sound of the final whistle – and it was over. I remember the smirk on Sendoh's face, and how he had rubbed it all in by stressing his superiority to Shizuka. Oh, I'm sure she congratulated him no doubt, while I buried my face in my smelly towel (speaking of which, it stinks so much I think it's time I get a new one) and stared into space.

_No, wait. That's not supposed to matter, is it? Shizuka and Sendoh are both like, my mortal enemies sent from Hell. _

I supposed they make a good match then, the two twits. Shizuka was probably following the "the enemy of my enemy is my best friend" rule. But then again… do I really count Shizuka as my enemy? Yeah sure, even though she made life quite unbearable ever since she appeared, but the fact is _I could feel life _when she came…

_Devil voice: What nonsense are you thinking, Kaede. _

_Angel voice: Shizuka isn't THAT bad!_

_Devil voice: Oh yeah? Let's do a quick evaluation…_

Ah, an evaluation. My devil voice is always the more sensible one. Let me see…

"Evaluation: Shizuka Tendou the Shrew"

Hair: like a mop

Face: too fierce

Figure: too flat

Voice: too bossy

Behaviour: shrew-ish

Conclusion: an 'F'… no, too good. 'Ungraded'.

I glanced at her direction, chuckling inwardly. All too awkwardly for me, that little shrew just had to turn round at that very moment. Upon meeting my gaze (or glare), she frowned, contorted her face and stuck out her tongue like a 5-year old kid.    

Tell me what was I thinking again?

Man… can't wait for training to start… basketball… balls…

Zzzz…

**Shizuka**

So, stupid piggyboy has dozed off again. I wonder how he's feeling about the loss, though. The others seem to be coping with it fine…

I suddenly felt a strange urge to throw something at Rukawa, to make sure he was still alive. He looks the suicidal type. With all these thoughts running through my mind in a fraction of a second, I took an eraser from my pencil case and threw it at Rukawa. 

He sat up for a few moments, blinked once or twice, and then fell back asleep.

_What a pig! I just can't stand the sight of him sleeping – it's very weird, but I don't know why. _

Maybe it's because I'm in a rather disruptive mood today. And nothing would please me more than to disrupt Piggyboy's precious beauty sleep.

I threw my pencil case at the figure slumped over the table. This time, he woke up. I blinked innocently at him and the next thing I knew, my pencil case kept flying back at my face.

_Why, that prat!_

We glared at each other squarely in the eye. A few seconds passed before the inevitable happened…

And with a 'plomp', Piggyboy fell back asleep on his table.

_Someone tell me why I bother?_

**Mitsui**

Shizuka's been acting really strange lately. Sometimes she'll be in some sort of a daze, other times she starts ranting about how ugly Rukawa is (which of course I agree entirely – but that's another story).

And now, just when we were in the middle of listening to Youhei's funny accounts of Sakuragi's famed rejections, she starts throwing things at Rukawa.

"Hey Shizuka, you with us?" I asked, waving a hand in front of her face.

"What? Oh, yeah, of course," she brushed my hand away. "What's up?"

I leaned to Miyagi. "Something's definitely wrong!" I whispered. He nodded in response, and passed the message on to Youhei, and around.

"What's all this whispering about? Let me on it!" Shizuka demanded eagerly.

"Nothing – nothing at all!" I grinned with ease and charm. 

I mean, hey, the words 'charm' and 'ease' come together when you're talking about the single cutest MVP in history, because 'charm' is 'ease'y to me, get it? But yeah, anyway.

Shizuka participated in the conversation later on – telling us how she was planning to pick up basketball and all that (Yuko said to Shizuka: "What? I thought you told me you knew everything about it!" Shizuka of course told her to shut up), which is good! She's a fun addition to our gang – like she's one of us. One of the guys, that is. 

Come to think of it, we never really regarded her as what she really was – a girl. Perhaps that's it! She's occupied with some girlie problems that we probably won't understand. Maybe stuff like not having enough money to buy the new Victoria's Secret collection, bad hair days, being rejected by a guy (haha!), or silly things like that. Girls – what problems could they possibly have, really? I mean, for guys, we have like our macho image to uphold, make sure our hair is combed nicely, have sparkly teeth, etc.

Well anyway, for girlie problems, only Yuko can do the job…

During basketball practise, at the gym

**Yuko**

Mitsui has delegated me with the task of carrying out 'girl talk' with Shizuka! This will be fun, I should think! Although I don't quite know what 'girl talk' means, but I'll try.

Shizuka and I sat down on two random seats, away from those fans of Rukawa (quite persistent, aren't they!).

"Umm… Shizuka?"

"Yeah?" She replied distractedly, fixing her eyes on the court.

"I'm here to carry out some 'girl talk' with you." I said in my sweetest tone possible. 

Shizuka turned to me and frowned.

"What?" She asked in an incredulous tone.

"Umm…" I started, a little intimidated. "That means we girls are supposed to sit down and talk."

_I have a feeling this isn't going very right… but what else could girl talk be?_

Shizuka rolled her eyes.

"I have no time for fluffy things like that – oh! Rukawa's shot just got blocked, haha!"

**Shizuka**

Girl talk! The absurdity of the idea! Sheesh… Yuko has really weird ideas sometimes. I mean, girl talk is when a few brainless bimbos sit together and chat about cute guys and make-up and stupid things like that, isn't it? A perfect example would be a Rukawa fanclub meeting – not that I've been to one. I've been to the Larry Stu fanclub though (only because the guys put me up to it!), and it was terrible. Ugh.

And basketball is proving to be quite an interesting sport! I'm going to try it out today at some random outdoor court near my place, perhaps. Sendoh was right about it, it looks darn fun. And he was so nice as to buy me a basketball for me to play with after lunch, too. He really is very… kind? It was nice of him to indulge me. But, oh well. Rich brat.

Evening, at the gym

I couldn't find a basketball court around my place, so here I am again at the school gym. After practise ended, I went back home for dinner and set off in search for a basketball court in jovial spirits – only to find none. Oh well, that's what a school gym is for…

The school gym was hauntingly empty. I let the ball bounce once or twice, and the sound echoed through the court. I shuddered a little, thinking of all those ghost stories.

_I will not allow myself to be deterred; I will not allow myself to be deterred…_

**Rukawa**

_Hmm, weird.__ The gym lights are on… I wonder who's in there._

I slid the door open, and…

"AHHHHHHH!!"

**Shizuka**

AHHH! A ghost!

I jumped in fright at the sound of the door opening, and shut my eyes. _No, not a ghost, not a ghost…_

I peeked in between my fingers and looked at the figure approaching. It was a very pale figure (eeps!), with a mob of black hair, with slit eyes…

Oh.

I heaved a sigh of relief. It was just Piggyboy.

**Rukawa**

"What are you doing here?" I snarled. "And what was that scream for?"

"Well, I – you see," she fidgeted a little, attempting to regain her composure. "I was here to, uhh, play basketball."

Oh? Shizuka – play basketball?

She looked awkwardly down at the basketball she held in her hands. It was a Spalding basketball – fine leather and all. I took it from her and examined it.

"Nice basketball," I said indifferently and passed it back to her. 

"Ouch! Not so hard you idiot!" She yelled, and marched off to retrieve the ball.

"I'm used to passing like that." I shrugged. Basketball was a rough game, and if she wanted to learn, she had to get used to it!

**Shizuka**

_That twit just threw a ball right smack at my face! I bet it was on purpose – no, I SWEAR it was on purpose! God, he is such an incorrigible prat!_

I felt very awkward, with an expert in the same gym as me. I was a complete layman who had just learnt the mathematics of basketball a day prior to this. I hate to appear like a loser – especially in front of someone like Rukawa. Argh. Why did he have to come and spoil my fun? Why couldn't he just leave me to play my loony's basketball?

"Well," I announced, "I guess I'd better not disturb the expert at work – goodbye."

**Rukawa**

Hmph, she just doesn't want to appear like a complete idiot in front of her enemy, that's why she's leaving… loser!

_Make her stay…_

I knocked my head a few times. These strange thoughts were floating around my brain quite often these days. But yeah, I would make her stay, why not? Just so I could view her amateur, layman skills and completely thrash her at the game. Haha.

"Don't you want to learn?" I said, in a bid to sound like Mr. Niceguy. But I'm sure it didn't come off very well.

But it worked, anyway. Shizuka stopped right in her tracks and turned to glare at me suspiciously.

"You're willing to teach me?"

"Well, yes, I am." I said this with fingers crossed behind my back.

She threw me a cocky kinda grin, and sniffed.

"Then maybe your life isn't going to waste!" she replied, looking very sarcastically pleased.

_Someone please kill this bitch._

I rolled my eyes.

"Well, what d'you want to learn?" 

"Well, can you teach me how to dunk?" she replied in a casual manner.

"You're a girl." I replied shortly.

"So what?" She challenged.

"So that means you have smaller hands – can you hold the basketball with one hand?"

She tried, but the ball kept slipping from her hand.

"See – I told you. You have a girl's hands…"

_Wait… that's right… Shizuka IS a girl…_

It suddenly occurred to me. Shizuka was – from day one – a girl to begin with. All the while I regarded her as a girl, yes, but only in name. I looked at her hands. She had small, slender hands with bony fingers… small hands…

Something must've possessed me to do it, but I went up to her and took her hand, and put it against mine to measure.

_So much smaller…___

Before I knew it I was at the receiving end of a slap, and Shizuka stomped noisily away, slamming the gym door furiously behind her. But she left behind her basketball.

Author's note:

Yipee, finally an update! I hoped you guys liked this chapter. It isn't very funny, but it's my return to writing after a rather long break – sorry! Hopefully the next chapter will deliver more laughs : )

Cheers,

qianhui


	17. Epilogue

**The Detention Diaries**

Epilogue

**Rukawa******

I lay on my bed, fiddling with the basketball Shizuka left behind at the gym. My mind was, for once in my life, still active at 1 a.m. in the morning. 

_What justifies this feeling?_

I closed my eyes.

A girl, whose name I didn't even know, was holding a half-eaten banana in her hand and challenging me to a fight. She had the longest ponytail I had ever seen.

The morons in detention were hopping and singing Nirvana out-of-tune – much to my annoyance at the time. The whole detention class was then promptly forced to perform an item at some lame school concert. We sang 'Twinkle Twinkle Little Star', I remember.

Speaking of performing, I also unfortunately (and quite stupidly, I will admit!) accepted the role of Little Red Riding Hood, thinking it was Robin Hood. Luckily I managed to evade, and Miyagi had to take my place. Hahaha. 

And who could forget the _irresistible _Larry Stu, which we fought so hard to drive away?

Those were… great times.

_This is… friendship. Could it be? _

Of the slightest degree, probably. In Mitsui and gang, I had friends (oh boy. This sounds so lame.) And Shizuka was just part of it. She is my friend. She is my friend. 

Is it normal, then, that I like her hand – when it is in my hand?

Perhaps I only like her hand in my hand because then I can be sure it isn't somewhere else… Like on my face (yes, a slap, what were you thinking?).

Tomorrow, I will return her the basketball. I will say nothing, and think nothing.

**Narrator**

"No, I think I'll stay home to revise some Physics – there's a quiz tomorrow. I don't want to fail, you know." Shizuka Tendou said to her rowdy-looking group of friends. There was a red-head, a muffin-head, and what is typically known as a mugshot-face – a sulking yet handsome boy with a scar on his chin. And the miscellaneous.

Shizuka Tendou didn't look too 'decent' as well. She had shoulder-length hair with straight bangs cut across the forehead, and seemed to have a perpetual sneer on her face.

"Nerd!" Mugshot-face yelled after her, as she turned her back and disappeared into the corridor. Red-head and muffin-head laughed.

-

Kaede Rukawa ran hurriedly out of the classroom, basketball tucked safely under his arm and duffel bag swinging all around, quite to his annoyance. 

As he rushed through the corridor, girls stopped and stared. But he didn't seem aware of the attention he was garnering. Perhaps he was used to it, with his good looks – though rather pale in complexion, he had quite a sleepy face that might lend to, ahem, his sexual attractiveness to the opposite sex.

-

A heavy hand landed on Shizuka's shoulder, and she jumped a little. 

"What?" She snapped irritably, and turned.

There was a second's stunned silence before she finally opened her mouth and said, quite coolly and simply, "You."

"Yes." Rukawa answered in the same manner, though it came off sounding rather lame a reply.

"Yes?" Shizuka asked now, with an air of inquiry.

"Your basketball," He replied, and handled the basketball tucked under his arm. "You left it at the gym."

"Oh. Thanks."

He gave her the basketball, and they both stood there for awhile, each waiting for the other to say something they might want to hear.

The jarring silence between them continued, until Shizuka turned and walked away. 

Rukawa remained in that position for awhile, and watched her figure fade away. She never looked back.

Then he, too, started walking in the opposite direction, towards a new chapter.

**Author's note: **The end! There WILL be a sequel to this, and the rough outlines and episode plots are already in the works. Thank you to everyone who has been reading, and reviewing, and encouraging me to continue writing this. Goodbye for now – hope to see you hanging around Part 2 : )


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